Do you/did you do 'nights out' (nightclubs/booze type ones)?

[AnnListersBlister]

I met my partner a year or so ago. It was her birthday on Saturday. For the weeks running up to it I've asked her what she fancied doing for it, thinking I'd maybe cook and/or we'd go to the village pub, take the dogs for a long walk somewhere etc.

We're both 40 ish. She decided the day before she wanted to go to the nearest big city for a night out! I was actually afraid?

Not done this since my 20s! Sometimes my stepson and his friends visit and we go to the city for food/drinks but during the day, I had no idea what it would be like at night, plus a huge football match had been on. I'm not familiar with cities at night really unless I am going to one place (shows etc).

Plus with covid restrictions having just been lifted-I actually felt I may have forgotten how to do it! And I've never been out to a nightclub or pub crawl with her-we've done small local pubs etc but that's it.

Is this normal to feel so anxious about it?

I don't really know what I was afraid of? Not having a good time as I didn't know if we would? Disappointing her if I didn't enjoy? Football hooligans? Everywhere being packed?

Also I suppose a night out to me would involve a group of people, rather than be a 'couple' thing to do?

And I don't know anyone in the city. If we go to my local we'll like to cosy up together but I know people to talk to too.

Is it something you do?

She's a lot more 'young at heart' than me!

I am actually a bit shocked that I actually had an absolutely great time. Drank far too much (but I'm sensible, didn't get 'drunk') and even danced! I've not danced in decades. I won't even be dragged up at weddings etc.
I know this is trivial in the great scheme of things but I am quite a boring sensible person and I was so far out of my comfort zone, and feel almost bad for enjoying it. If that makes sense.

Also, with us being a 'lockdown relationship', even though it has been a year it feels a lot less. We're quite long distance too (2 hr ish drive away) so don't see one another so often. I'm still not feeling I know her so well but it definitely made me feel closer with her.

Glad you enjoyed the big night out

I met a friendly for a birthday lunch this year… finished gone midnight doing tequila slammers in a pub garden with two twenty year olds. Have no idea how we got back to her house, and was feeling like I was buried in a mattress for 3 days. Absolutely worth it though - awesome night. Excellent to let rip occasionally.

You're completely overthinking it.
Did you not go 'out out' even in your teens/twenties?

It reads a big like you’ve decided that as you are ‘40ish’ you are officially old. Your initial idea of what to for her birthday sounded nice but very much like any ordinary Sunday (not even a Saturday thing) rather than a birthday thing.

I get that you felt nervous because it’s out if your comfort zone but 40ish isn’t old and it’s perfectly ok to go out into town, dance and get drunk in your 40s. Sure recovery takes longer than for a 20 year old though.

@MimiSunshine

It reads a big like you’ve decided that as you are ‘40ish’ you are officially old. Your initial idea of what to for her birthday sounded nice but very much like any ordinary Sunday (not even a Saturday thing) rather than a birthday thing.

I get that you felt nervous because it’s out if your comfort zone but 40ish isn’t old and it’s perfectly ok to go out into town, dance and get drunk in your 40s. Sure recovery takes longer than for a 20 year old though.

Thank you. I guess I think of it as a bad thing somehow! Or that it's bad to use alcohol to have fun maybe? It isn't is it, It's fine once in a while. Recovery was fine! I did need a nap in the afternoon but no hangover! :)

@thisplaceisweird

You're completely overthinking it. Did you not go 'out out' even in your teens/twenties?

Yes I did and I don't look back fondly on those days unfortunately. I didn't have good friends as a child/teen and think I kind of relived that by making my social life my total priority and neglecting other things. So once I stopped it I was happy to have turned a corner really.

I am overthinking it though, totally accept that!

@Givemethatknife

Glad you enjoyed the big night out

I met a friendly for a birthday lunch this year… finished gone midnight doing tequila slammers in a pub garden with two twenty year olds. Have no idea how we got back to her house, and was feeling like I was buried in a mattress for 3 days. Absolutely worth it though - awesome night. Excellent to let rip occasionally.

I'm glad It's not just me!

Glad you enjoyed and got so much out of it with a gentle recovery Dancing and having those conversations late at night that would never happen otherwise are always the best part of it for me.

I did some under 21 clubbing in the US, but those don't involve drinking on the premises obviously and I did some with a local LB women's group when I was 30ish, but I never drank more than one and rarely finished that alcohol just isn't my thing, but I still think it's great that other people relax how they wish and by our ages, I think it can be a lot more fun to go out with a group people generally know what type of drunk they are if they drink and often handle transport or other issues a lot better so even us mother-hen friend of the group can enjoy things .

@BiBabbles

Glad you enjoyed and got so much out of it with a gentle recovery Dancing and having those conversations late at night that would never happen otherwise are always the best part of it for me.

I did some under 21 clubbing in the US, but those don't involve drinking on the premises obviously and I did some with a local LB women's group when I was 30ish, but I never drank more than one and rarely finished that alcohol just isn't my thing, but I still think it's great that other people relax how they wish and by our ages, I think it can be a lot more fun to go out with a group people generally know what type of drunk they are if they drink and often handle transport or other issues a lot better so even us mother-hen friend of the group can enjoy things .

That is a very good point about how it is more fun to drink in groups as we get older-we know how we work!

I'd never thought of that.

This is kind of why I began the thread, to get others' takes on this sort of thing.

Some of my nervousness was definitely around it being just us two? A group is less pressure. I'm fine with cosying up in my local with a glass of wine and talking to her, but in a busy, noisy club?

We went somewhere with entertainment and got talking to others so it was fine, but before that I felt I had to make sure she didn't get fed up which wouldnt have been an issue in a group.

It wasn't an issue anyway...