My lovely MIL had had a stroke

[changingstages]

DH, DD and DSD are staying with the in-laws at the moment; I'm supposed to be joining them tomorrow after work.

MIL collapsed at some point this afternoon and was found unconscious. Unfortunately nobody is quite sure how long she was there before she was found as they thought she was off doing stuff in the garden/having a nap/generally being busy somewhere as she always is.

She was semi-conscious but not speaking as she left in the ambulance and could squeeze with her left but not her right hand. Poor DSD (18) is terribly upset, DD (10) isn't quite sure what's going on, I think; though DH has explained, gently. DH is being very brave, his dad has gone to the hospital with her and we're just waiting to hear what happens next. His sisters are heading there now.

I can't drive so was going to get the train tomorrow, he thinks I am better staying where I am for the moment, which I agree with but I feel so awful for them all.

My MIL is just the most wonderful woman, I can't tell you. I love her so much. She's 75 but pretty healthy, this has come out of nowhere.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting - I feel very alone and worried and maybe someone has some positive stories of a similar situation? Or just a handhold. My mum is awful and MIL has been like a mum to me at times.

My mum also had a stroke, it was very frightening but she made a very good recovery and lived independently.

Hopefully your MIL has be given the drugs that disperse clots, this can make a huge difference. This depends on her age, other medical conditions and how long after her stroke she was admitted. She'll be exhausted and might take some time to make progress, every stroke is different and can affect different parts of the brain.

Everyone responds differently, some people loose their confidence whilst others push themselves and do too much too soon.

Rest and patience from others is what she'll need.

My mum was paralysed down one side, couldn't speak and was bed bound for months. I gave up work to care for her and she made a really good recovery, not 100% but she led a happy life.

I hope your MIL is able to make a good recovery too. You'll all be exhausted, make sure you look after yourselves too.

The stroke association have good information and your MIL should receive rehab from occupational therapists, physio therapists and speech therapists if she needs it. Good luck.

Oh no how worrying for you all, I hope she makes a good recovery

I had a stroke and my left side was very weak, I couldn't feel it and couldn't stand up as I had no way to balance. After two weeks in hospital, lots of physio and taking Clopidogerol (a blood thinner), I'm pretty much back to normal. My eyesight is very poor and my left side is still a bit weak. But I'm getting there. Hopefully she'll be OK.

My mum had an almost fatal stroke at age 45.
Fortunately she wasn’t alone in the house at the time but it was still at least forty minutes before an ambulance came to her (delay in my brother calling for one as he wasn’t sure what was going on, he was only 11 and he called my stepdad who said he’d come straight home from work and then they called 999).
She was not in a good way when she was taken into hospital, couldn’t move anything, couldn’t speak and lost a lot of her vision.
She made a staggering recovery, spent 3 months in hospital on a stroke ward, was moved to a stroke rehab unit and was there for another 2 months and then came home.
She went back to work after a while recuperating at home, working from home on a very part time basis but 10 years on is now working full time. She is now registered disabled as a result of poor mobility but she can walk etc, just struggles with balance and distance.
There is hope sending a handhold, it was the most utterly terrifying night of my life holding her hand in the ICU, they told us at the time they didn’t think she’d make it through the night.
Keep your chin up, she sounds like a wonderful woman and I hope she makes a really strong recovery x

I'm so sorry OP.

The same happened to my MIL about 7 years ago. The early days were very touch and go. It took weeks before doctors knew if MIL would recover and to what extent. She is now paralysed down one side, but is still the woman she was before.

I think the best thing you can do is be there for your DH and your kids. Hold the home front so your DH can be there where he's needed.

I hope your MIL makes a full recovery. Wishing you well.

Thank you for your responses, it really helps to not feel quite so alone.

No news yet...

They said there was a four hour window to reverse damage? Which I think must be to do with the drugs they can give. Unfortunately she could have been lying there for about three hours before being found, nobody is quite sure, and they obviously all feel awful about this too...

@TheChosenTwo

My mum had an almost fatal stroke at age 45. Fortunately she wasn’t alone in the house at the time but it was still at least forty minutes before an ambulance came to her (delay in my brother calling for one as he wasn’t sure what was going on, he was only 11 and he called my stepdad who said he’d come straight home from work and then they called 999). She was not in a good way when she was taken into hospital, couldn’t move anything, couldn’t speak and lost a lot of her vision. She made a staggering recovery, spent 3 months in hospital on a stroke ward, was moved to a stroke rehab unit and was there for another 2 months and then came home. She went back to work after a while recuperating at home, working from home on a very part time basis but 10 years on is now working full time. She is now registered disabled as a result of poor mobility but she can walk etc, just struggles with balance and distance. There is hope sending a handhold, it was the most utterly terrifying night of my life holding her hand in the ICU, they told us at the time they didn’t think she’d make it through the night. Keep your chin up, she sounds like a wonderful woman and I hope she makes a really strong recovery x

Wow - incredible that she made such a recovery from that point. Thank you for sharing that with me.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I know this must sound strange right now but can I say how wonderful it is to hear how warmly you speak of her. Sounds like there is loads of love between you all, it made me smile to hear how you wrote about her.

My BIL had a stroke recently, with more of a 4 hour delay as no one knew what was happening. He needed a period of recovery but is absolutely fine now.

Wishing all the very best for your lovely sounding family

I’m sorry to hear about your MIL, OP. The thing that shines out from your words is your love for her. It’s a beautiful thing and I’m sure she knows how you feel.

I hope she recovers so you can spend more time with her.

I'm sorry OP, my Mum had a stroke, I hope your MIL pulls through okay.

Oh thank you both, that's so nice of you. She really is brilliant.

My MIL at 83 suffered a massive stroke too. She was on the floor for an unknown length of time, and looking back I am certain there were some mini strokes in the months preceding. She was a lovely woman too and lived another 7 years.

She never made a full recovery though and went into a nursing home. She lost her speech and mobility of her right side, but her personality remained the same which really helped everyone. She really was brilliant.

It was touch and go for about a fortnight, she slept a lot. In total she was in hospital for 12 weeks, then moved to a nursing home.

Generally I think the consensus is that any leaps and bounds in recovery happen in the first twelve weeks, then it slows down.

It was a huge shock for us, emotionally exhausting and tricky at times to take it all in, so be kind to yourselves. I don't know if you'll be allowed into hospital, hopefully some will be allowed, otherwise record messages on you phone for FIL to take in.

I really hope your MIL makes a good recovery .

@DinosApple

My MIL at 83 suffered a massive stroke too. She was on the floor for an unknown length of time, and looking back I am certain there were some mini strokes in the months preceding. She was a lovely woman too and lived another 7 years.

She never made a full recovery though and went into a nursing home. She lost her speech and mobility of her right side, but her personality remained the same which really helped everyone. She really was brilliant.

It was touch and go for about a fortnight, she slept a lot. In total she was in hospital for 12 weeks, then moved to a nursing home.

Generally I think the consensus is that any leaps and bounds in recovery happen in the first twelve weeks, then it slows down.

It was a huge shock for us, emotionally exhausting and tricky at times to take it all in, so be kind to yourselves. I don't know if you'll be allowed into hospital, hopefully some will be allowed, otherwise record messages on you phone for FIL to take in.

I really hope your MIL makes a good recovery .

Thank you - it's helpful to have realistic stories, really. The blood clotting drugs (I think that's what they are?) don't seem to have made any difference and she can't speak. We'll have more info later today, we think...

It's just very frightening.

It is very frightening, you’re absolutely right and no doubt you’re very scared at the moment.
My mum couldn’t speak for a month, possibly longer but it was a long time. She wasn’t allowed to eat for even longer, was tube fed as she had lost control of her tongue muscle - it was several months before she could start on the refeeding process with nutritional shakes first and then soft foods like yoghurt/mousse etc.
Everything just took lots and lots of time. I wouldn’t be immediately worried about the severity of things based on her not being able to speak at the moment.
I really hope you get some good news soon but don’t be disheartened if it’s not instantly great news, it’s a long road to recovery - whatever recovery looks like. 💐

Wishing your MIL all the best for a speedy recovery. Medical technology moves on all the time; the right intervention can do wonders. My DH thought his dad was gone from a stroke 20 years ago and you can’t tell to see him now. Fingers crossed for a similarly good recovery for this lovely lady.

Sending you an unmumsnetty hug, Changingstages. I too have an adorable MiL and a not so adorable mum, so I know where you're coming from. Wishing your lovely MiL a full and speedy recovery.