Complete apathy and self-neglect when I have no plans

[apathyapathy]

I really struggle on days like today when I don't have work and have no plans. I fall into this pit of apathy and self-neglect without the kind of structure and external pressure that work and plans with others gives me.

I want to clean, go for a walk and run some errands but instead it's 12:40pm and I'm sitting in my PJs, haven't even brushed my teeth yet or eaten to drunk anything and I just have this sense of dread.

Friends and colleagues wouldn't recognise me when I'm like this. I'm usually busy, motivated and happy.

Lying here in a towel after a completely unnecessary bath thinking the same. I have to schedule myself the night before like it's a work day, or nothing useful or enjoyable happens.
Didn't do it last night, so here I am.

I’m undergoing ADHD assessments at the moment. I am horrendous at self motivation unless I am under extreme external pressure. There are some really informative articles around on ADHD presentation in women if you wanted to explore it. I find it incredible helpful to read about and find strategies etc.

I'm a bit like this too and people who know me would be so shocked. I am so busy usually that if one of those rare days happen, I am like an unwashed sloth.

Just enjoy your day and rest

If you don't need to be seen it's easy to slip in to a secret world.
I WFH long term and pre covid rarely had to do public now it's even easier with more delivery available.
I've got two completely separate personas now.

This is exactly me. So much to do but sit around until mid day before having a shower and dress. It’s actually quite depressing but now in my 50’s I think I’m unlikely to change.
Lockdown really emphasised it.
Maybe it’s because I was a shift worker, or maybe because I’m a night owl and maybe a bit of depression thrown in. It certainly gives you a boost if you manage to get up early and get a few things done. I’ve promised myself time and time again that I’ll get motivated and do the things I want to but it never happens.