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Toddler’s early waking getting me down

14 replies

Pendore · 23/08/2021 07:40

My DS is 2.5 and without fail he wakes up screaming/hysterical every day from around 5am. He will wake up screaming for us to wake up/ to go downstairs and gets hysterical if we don’t go into his room. Either DH or I will go in and lie down with him until 6am. He’s been doing this for the last 18 months. He is in his own room, has black out blinds and is in a bed. We have a gate on his bedroom door to stop him from running downstairs as our stairs are steep. White noise has never worked and he hates it.

Recently, we started limiting his naps to 1hr (past week) but it hasn’t made a difference to his wake up times. If anything, he’s started going to bed later at around 8/8:30pm. He usually goes to bed at 7/7:30pm.

He didn’t nap at all yesterday and was exhausted so went to bed around 6:30. He woke up today at 3am and has been awake since. He was screaming at the top of his lungs and wouldn’t settle until DH went in. When he did settle, and DH left, he sprang out of bed screaming. I went in to resettle him and he fell asleep. I left the room and 3 mins later he wakes up screaming for me. We go in to resettle him because we live in a terraced house and I feel really bad for our neighbours, especially at 3am.

We also have a 6 week old baby who funnily enough sleeps well but the toddler’s sleep is all over the shop now and is really effecting DH and me, and will no doubt effect the newborn too once they become more aware of their surroundings.

It’s getting to the point where DH and I are both feeling really down about the toddler’s sleep. This morning I broke down in front of DS crying. It’s so hard waking up to screaming every single morning and dealing with an irritable toddler who doesn’t want to do much because they are so tired. He’s downstairs now with DH and I can hear him crashing into things, banging doors and crying/screeching nonstop while DH tries to sooth him.

I really thought the issues was too much sleep during the day but if anything it’s making things worse. We are due to go away for a few days this week so one of us (most likely DH) will have to sleep next to DS but does anyone have any advice on how we can break this cycle or get him to wake up happier? He’s always knackered during the day (red/dark circles under eyes) and he’s gets so irritable.

We have tried a gro clock (he messes with the buttons and pulls the cord out). I am tempted to let him cry it out but don’t know if this will work at his age. I just want him to wake up refreshed and happy.

I feel so sad to admit this but I dread being around DS sometimes. If he woke up happy and refreshed I could handle the early wake ups but as it is I just feel miserable and can barely muster a smile most days. On the rare occasions DS has woken up at 6/6:30 it has honestly made such a difference to his mood.

OP posts:
Mybalconyiscracking · 23/08/2021 07:54

The 5am thing just has to be dealt with I’m afraid. It doesn’t last forever, one of you needs to get up with him, take him downstairs and entertain him while the other one sleeps. Pop the TV on and grab a cup of tea.
Take turns and if it is your turn try to get to bed earlier to compensate. Make sure you factor in waking with the earlier child too, to keep it fair.

Starjammer · 23/08/2021 07:59

DD stirs at 5 often but we co-sleep, so she just shuffles over for a cuddle and goes back to sleep. If I wasn't beside her, I suspect she would wake up properly and want to get up or by the time we responded to her, she would be too awake too resettle.

Tbh if I were in your shoes, I'd try one of us (DH in this case) sleeping in with him and see if that works because I do not ever want to get up at 5am and would find that awful. I'm all about maximising sleep for everyone!

Kinsters · 23/08/2021 08:12

We've got a DD who doesn't do those lovely 12 hour nights either - she only really wants 10 or 10.5 hours per night unless she's not napped. We've just kind of accepted it and slotted her into our evening a bit more so that we can have some chill time together once she's in bed. We all eat dinner together when DH gets home around 7:30/8pm and then DD goes for her bath and bedtime at around 9pm with the aim of her being in bed for 10pm. Me and DH then get a couple of hours together, go to bed at midnight and DD is normally up around 8/8.30am.

I'd look and see how you can adjust your routine so you still get some down time but also get a decent amount of sleep. I'm sure it's not as simple as put him to bed later cause I'm very sure my DD would not accept an earlier bedtime - she's a night owl and always has been. I'd try for a significantly later bedtime for him though and see if that helps.

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minipie · 23/08/2021 08:22

Is it possible this is related to the new baby? If he wakes early he gets undivided cuddles for at least an hour. Not saying he’s doing it consciously but he may subconsciously be wanting that one to one time.

Have you tried a gro clock and reward chart with it?

Could something be waking him eg molars? Or are they all through

I had a long standing early waker so you have my sympathies.

crossstitchingnana · 23/08/2021 08:52

My two would often wake at 5 and I do-slept until they were 3. I used to get up with them as I found it frustrating to get them back off. Friends suggested putting them to bed later but I wanted an evening. It doesn't last for ever. Now they're teens they wake me up at night/late evening instead. Same problem different version. Lack of sleep is awful, I remember those days well. Try and rest when you can (I remember laying on the sofa when baby was asleep with toddler sitting on me watching CBeebies. If she knew I was asleep she's wake me. Crafty!

RosieLemonade · 23/08/2021 09:22

DD has always been an early riser. I am a teacher so I need to work in the evenings so she can't stay up later. Plus in the past I've kept her up late various times and she is still up at 5. Now I let her have her TV in her room on quiet from six with me telling her I'll do breakfast in 5 more minutes till 7 Blush

LaRome · 23/08/2021 09:39

I think what @Starjammer said about one of you sleeping in with him. Have you ever tried that before? Maybe he’d go back to sleep if someone was there next to him rather than wake you all up.

Other thing to try (I’m sure you most likely have) to tire him out in the latter stage of the day - a long walk without a buggy?

woodfort · 23/08/2021 09:45

My first at that age woke a lot in the night and then was up to start the day at 5.30. A lot of CBeebies! We co-slept but there was nothing that could be done from 5.30 onwards as he didn’t want to go back to sleep. Funnily enough, from close to 4 years he started sleeping in really late and occasionally managed 8am! Generally never earlier than 7/7.30 now. I’ve had to wake him to get ready for school which, when he was a toddler, I would never have believed in a million years. So they can stop being such morning people.

My youngest is nearly 2.5 now. Wakes hourly in the night for me but does generally sleep til 7 so that’s ok. Different type of sleep deprivation I guess.. I don’t ever get time uninterrupted in the night but I don’t have to start my day at an unsocial hour.

Pendore · 23/08/2021 11:37

Thank you all for your replies. Some of the ones about warily risers changing their wake ups give me hope!

I’ve been in an absolute state all morning so DH and I have decided he is going to cosleep with DS until things get better. We tried cosleeping in the past but DS wasn’t a fan and seemed to prefer having his own space.

This might be part of the fall out of having a new baby. He certainly wants one of us in with him a lot more recently. He loves the baby though so I don’t think he’s jealous, and we have been spending loads of 1:1 time with him whenever baby is asleep but perhaps as @minipie says it’s a subconscious thing.

I was absolutely convinced yesterday he would sleep until at least 6am today because of the lack of nap and we went for a very long walk where he did lots of running around. If he’s going to wake at 5am no matter what he might as well sleep for as long as he likes during the day to give me a break.

Thank you all. Hopefully sleeping with him will at least make him wake up happy rather than screaming.

OP posts:
HarrisMcCoo · 23/08/2021 11:59

One of us goes in to lie beside whichever of the two wakes up. They have adult sized single beds which does help (with double duvet). It's easier to get the sleep/doze off with them in their own rooms. Not good if they share your bed. That sets off a different set of problems then...

My youngest are almost 6yo and 4yo. Sometimes seen DH in with DC3 and I go in with DC4 at same time!

Sirzy · 23/08/2021 12:02

I would go back to the nap if it means he is happier during the day and you can get some downtime while he naps.

HarrisMcCoo · 23/08/2021 12:05

My children all napped regularly between 2 to 3yrs old.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 23/08/2021 13:30

This might seem a bizarre question but what's he like if you wake him? My dd often cries if she wakes herself but seems happier if I wake her up. We cosleep, so it's not a case of her waking and finding herself on her own.

Saying that, I wouldn't want to be starting the day before 5! What I'd be tempted to try is waking him at half 4 for some milk and seeing if, by disrupting his sleep you can get him to sleep for longer. However with my dd I know we'd be awake for 2 hours before she'd sleep again, but it might be worth it to get him.some more sleep eventually.

Pendore · 28/08/2021 16:28

Thank you all for your comment. Miracle of miracles we have had two post 6am wake ups the past two days (today 6:45pm). All beds times/nap times have been the same. In fact he had a 2hour nap yday. Turns out the secret is the sea air as we are on holiday. I’m rightmoving places to live on the coast 😝

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