Calling all farmers wives

[ohthestruggles]

Would any farmers wives like to join a thread to moan about the woes that come with this time of year and harvesting? I have a 10 week old baby and a young doggo to look after whilst DH is out working all hours and I'm finding it so bloody hard and lonely!

Well, I bet you wish you hadn't cut the tails off those mice now!
I'm sure that they would have more than happy to chat with you during the long evenings.

Does a contractors wife count? 🙋🏼‍♀️ It’s a lonely old life sometimes, that’s for sure!!

We should have been combining this last week, but the bloody combine was broken and now its rained this weekend, so probably not doing anything until midweek.

Another farm contractors partner here. I absolutely hate this time of year, it's bad enough at the best of times but harvest time is the worst, so I'm happy to moan till the cows come home. (he doesn't look after cows any more thank god!) I do sympathise with any of you with young children and babies - Ds is a teenager now, but I can still remember the loneliness and hard work of those first few years. Not being from the farming world when I met DP, I've found it really tough how all consuming this life is, but 16 years down the line we're still holding on!!

Anything to do with agriculture that essentially renders you a widow at this time of year counts. We don't have any livestock anymore, thank christ. The days aren't too bad but the evenings are difficult when I've been with baby all day and just want someone to take over for half an hour so I can take the dog out and do some washing. Also I'm not from a farming background so it's taking some getting used to!

What about women who are farmers?

@Hen2018 well then they'll be busy busy too won't they..

Collapses into thread.....

Can I join? Probably kick me out though I'm so fed up today.

Two under two, dogs, blah blah.

Currently on harvest, but good old hill tenant farming means we have slipped seamlessly from snow clearing to lambing to calving to clipping to silage to harvest and then drilling and late silage.

Not sure if I've actually seen DH August at all.

MIL driving me up the wall with tales of in my day.....

My dad was a train driver and we grew up with him doing shift work and working weekends. Naively, when I met Dp I thought farming was a bit like that - working some unsociable hours and odd weekends. I soon learnt!

Are any of you from farming backgrounds, does it make it easier do you think, or from "townie" backgrounds like myself?

@bookh bless you, I'm not sure I would cope if we didn't just have an arable farm. Babies, dogs etc it's so bloody hard and very isolating I find! DH worked until 2am the other night trying to get everything cut before the rain came  my mum works full time so my support is my MIL too and it's pretty exhausting listening to that!

@Doublezzlister I say I'm not from a farming background but my grandfather was a dairyman so I guess I should've known what I was getting into saying that, my granny didn't work so helped my mum a lot etc. I don't have the same support system as both my parents still work full time. Such as the modern life where everyone has to work full time 🤦🏼‍♀️

Ah I’m sorry it can be so relentlessly hard can’t it? I’m not in the same position but grew up rurally and some of my friends are.

What’s your support network like? If you’re struggling and you’ve no local help could you get involved in anything going on in the closest village? My mums rural church does lots of coffee mornings and Praise and Play groups. I know you might not be religious but they welcome everyone. Someone to make you a cuppa and hold the baby for 15 minutes can sometimes make all the difference. Plus it’s a hard and fast fact that little old church ladies make the best cake ever and you really wanna get in on that .

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp my support network isn't the worst, isn't the best, my MIL is close by if I need her (just not the same as your own mum though, is it!?). My own parents are near but both work full time and have pretty busy jobs. I have friends and I do two baby classes a week which we both really enjoy. The days are just relentless though. My day is so full, it's up early for feed, then settle, take dog out whilst DH watches baby, then he goes to work, time for another feed, wash sterilise and make bottles, get myself organised and dressed, DS organised, dog out again, feed, lunch, out to a class, home, feed, dog out, dinner, bath, feed, bed, dog out 😭 dog is a young, working dog and needs a lot of training to get her reigned in which is why I put alot of pressure on myself to look after her! Right now she's a liability on the farm, too many lorries and tractors etc.

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp hard yeah.

So zero really is the bottom line. I was a family solicitor but had to give up for long complex reasons but mainly due to farm.

MIL had four sons. Two live abroad, farming. Two here plus her. SIL and I were best friends, until I had a baby. I had her children every weekend and saw them every evening, took time off at lambing etc and watched them and cooked. Now they have all gone to Uni and she says she's done her bit, so I never see her. That's hit me hard. My parents are elderly, dad in care home mum about to be. No siblings.

I help at church group when I can. I swim with two year old but have to take baby in car seat and pool staff are very kind.

That's about it. Friends but there's only so much moaning you can do there.

I often read threads here and think I would be absolutely shredded. What does your DH do....absolutely nothing....but he can't?

I was lying in bed listening to the farm vehicles going up and down after midnight last night and then back out again by 6am. I'm not a farmer but live in a rural community and just want to say how appreciated what you all do is, just cannot imagine how you keep going, it's relentless. As for the weather.....praying for dry this week for the on going harvest xx

We don't live on a farm as DP is a contractor and we don't even live rurally (his yard is 10 minutes away) so sometimes I feel quite disconnected from his work. Luckily I had support from my parents when DS was younger, it's got easier in some respects as DS has got older, but equally I'm now finding myself at a loss at weekends and holidays as he doesn't need me as much. I work in a school so have the holidays off but my friends are at work or busy with their families. I feel quite jealous of people who have partners that work 5 days a week with 4 weeks annual leave a year!

Oh @Doublezzlister absolutely. I went to a local sort of walk park place today. I always go early because I'm always alone. That's fine but weekends make me sad because it's all families.

I try my best to get the kids to see DH, this time of year being hardest when so small. t least at lambing we can go and sit in shed and "help". Today was a five minute hurl in tractor.

Yes @bookh - I used to take DS for a ride in the tractor with daddy!, Funnily enough, it's lost its appeal now he's 14.

I’ve got over 100 sheep, we are past the busiest time of year thankfully but lambing was hard this year. Had to really on my parents for childcare whilst I was in the shed.
Today was fencing, DP was helping me, I had the baby on my back and the 4 year old was free range, he unfortunately decided to jump on all the sheep shit so was covered. Went round to my parents for dinner but afterwards I still had a tup to wrestle as he had a sore foot.
I don’t get to see friends that often because I’m always busy. We’ve still got hay to get in so will be busy for a few more weeks.

@Doublezzlister it's a lonely life sometimes! My friends don't really understand as they're not in farming. Unfortunately DS is a bit too little for a hurl in the tractor as he's only 10 weeks old!

@mayblossominapril I was quite looking forward to my DS being free range when he's older but maybe not so much now

We're up early this morning, feeding, dog out then time to go and drill for DH. Combine and workload is shared between a couple of family farms so he may well have to go and do that, too.

Well, I bet you wish you hadn't cut the tails off those mice now!