How do you approach your GP about your mental health?

[EmotionalSupportBear]

I've struggled for years, but every time i've got to the point i've felt like i've needed help, i've always ended up feeling like a fraud, because its not 'that bad' (so i tell myself) because i'm still able to function/live my life.

I excuse away the dread, the gnawing anxiety, the days of just crying because i'm so sad/unhappy/fed up, of feeling like no-one would miss me if i wasn't here, of feeling useless and worthless, the lack of personal hygiene care, because my kids are fed, and loved, and clothed, and nurtured, because my dog is walked, my house is clean.

I don't know how to get my head around the fact i'm NOT ok, because it can't be normal to feel like this all the time surely?

I've always felt the dr's look at me and see someone just a bit upset, and i'm not.. i've felt like this for so long i don't know how to be happy for more than a few hours, (usually when i'm with my friends.. the moment i'm 'alone' at home, my mood bombs again.)

I put off seeking help for a long time and just tried to carry on. Eventually it was a bad job experience and I just had a bit of a breakdown and told the Gp how bad I felt. He was understanding and started me on some anti- depressants and signed me off sick for a couple of weeks to give them time to work.

I was exactly the same as you OP for years. I knew something was seriously wrong throughout my teens and early 20s but could never bring myself to see the GP because I felt my life was so normal. About 4 years ago I went to my GP at the suggestion of my line manager - I think that was what made me do it, knowing that someone else had noticed that I was quite obviously not ok almost gave me the validation I needed to take myself off to the GP. My GP was wonderful, I've been on antidepressants since then and it has changed my life.

Be honest with your GP about how you feel about seeing them. They will understand that the first step is often the hardest. Just because you manage to hold your life together, doesn't mean you are ok.

Have a look at docready website. It’s great for exactly this. You can create a checklist so if words fail you you can hand it over. Good luck OP.

Our GP surgery has recently employed a first contact mental health nurse. So if you need to make that first step & speak to someone you can book in to see her.

If your surgery has something similar it might be more user friendly than trying to get a GP appointment?

What would you like from the doctor - medication, counselling, referrals etc? That can be helpful to know about. Here, most will recommend you approach a low cost counselling service rather than do their referrals but different in each area.
If you want medication you could research first what you would like from them?

i've had treatment for anxiety over the years, but this feels different, i recognise when my anxiety is needing help and can work through it productively/rationally..I had several rounds of CBT, and medicated with propanolol for a lot of years on 'as and when' basis as my drs trusted me to medicate when i needed to, but i can't take them now because of other medication i've had to start.

I had a brief trial on sertraline 12 years ago, and hated the side effects but i do remember feeling more 'alive' if that makes sense? Had to come off it when i fell pregnant, but i was in an abusive relationship at the time, so i always assumed once free of that, i'd feel better.

For some reason, i don't, i feel worse, and the pandemic/isolation/anxiety of all that hasn't helped... but yeah, this feels different from the god awful anxiety i suffered with for years, and i think its time to try medication again, because i'm tired of this cyclical self loathing/misery.. feeling like if i didnt have kids i probably wouldn't get out of bed tbh.

I could have written so much of what you said in your OP. It took probably years for me to be persuaded that things were not ok enough that I should see my GP (COVID didn't help with this because I can't talk on the phone so needed it to be face to face appointment). The GP said I am severely depressed, and I still think to myself that I can't be because I manage to get up and go to work and look after my DC (although I am convinced that I am shit at both work and parenting almost all the time). I am very bad at talking about how I feel and realised | was likely to get to the appointment and not be able to explain anything or find the words to answer the questions, so I wrote down things I wanted to say and took a piece of paper with me so, if necessary, I could just give him the paper. On MN people are sometimes advised to print out their post and show it to the dr, that might work as it sounds like your OP sums up how things are.
Good luck. It was really really hard to get through the appointment and admit that things are not ok. I was prescribed antidepressants that I can't persuade myself to start taking because I am massively overthinking it and there is still probably a bit of me that thinks things aren't really that bad despite the constant underlying very dark thoughts.

You tell the GP pretty much what you've said here, that outwardly you're coping but inside you feel like you're falling apart. Masking is far more common than most people realise but the GP should recognise it for what it is.

You need to be honest. I say this as someone who deals with this side of things at work.
Tell them that you are worried about your mental health and tell them what you've told us. The person you first speak to should ask you whether you are at immediate danger of self harm or having suicidal thoughts. I know receptionists get a slating but there's standard protocol they should follow for this.
If you have to be blunt and say you are unable to cope and you can't answer that question, they are duty bound to see you under the suicide prevention protocol.

If you could afford it or even use a credit card I would go to a Psychiatrist who will have an hour long session to initially prescribe something to try either with our without additional talking therapies.
They will endeavour to understand the core issues and delve to find out what sort of issue or mental health disorder you have.
Personally I feel a GP will just dish out a variance of anti depressants.
There are lots of other types of medication that target specific illnesses that might be applicable and more helpful.

I'm certainly not a suicide risk, my thoughts of 'no-one will miss me' is more to do with just completely withdrawing from friends because my brain likes to convince me no-one likes me/wants to know me.

My CBT does have some uses, and i can understand the 'why' of what i'm feeling.. what i'm finding hard to deal with is the sadness/upset/apathy/low mood/self hatred.. because its exhausting to constantly be having to give myself therapy every day/crying myself to sleep/catastrophising every social interaction, then waking up and repeating it all over again.

It does sound like meds might be helpful to me OP, they can be really good for giving you that breathing space from the cycle you describe so you can start to get your head straight. They're not a cure ime but they can be enough of a reprieve for you to be able to address the underlying problems without feeling overwhelmed.