Is there something wrong with me or am I just lazy?

[wheresmymojo]

I have a lot of issues in my day-to-day life that would point to me having some kind of diagnosis (on top of my bipolar disorder) but I also have a lot of success so everything I look at feels like it doesn't fit?

I just wondered if anyone else was like this...

So...

• I struggle with executive function in my personal life. I'm always very late with paying bills, I don't deal with finances very well at all, I get anxious about finance problems and bury them. But it's not all anxiety, I generally just forget to pay (for example) the cleaners even if they're reminding me every day. I want to do it. I have the money. It just doesn't happen and slips out of my mind.

• My sleep patterns are crazy. It's like I either have terrible insomnia or I could sleep 23 hours a day

• I really struggle to be motivated by anything other than external things. I find it hard to keep on top of chores or daily life unless there's an external reason to do something (e.g. someone is visiting)

• I can get hyper focused on things like many different hobbies which will then be abandoned when I lose interest. For example I was interested in family history for a bit and stayed up all hours mapping 2,500 potential relatives and then lost interest

But...

• I've never had any issues concentrating on studies. I was a straight A student although I did tend to do best under pressure so would skip a lot of uni classes for example and then cram for a month

• I'm super organised at work. I run multi-million £ projects and am good at it, so I have no issues with executive functioning there (so why can't I pay one bloody cleaners bill?!)

I feel like I swing between two extremes - part of me is super motivated, hard working, hyper focused and successful and then the other side of me is unbelievably lazy, forgetful and disorganised.

It's not related to my bipolar as I'm well medicated and my mood is quite stable now.

I don't care about having a diagnosis per se...I'm just reaching the point where this is having a massive impact on my life.

Is anyone else the same? Has anyone overcome this?

You can do things for other people but not yourself.

Do you value yourself?

Yes, I don't think it's a self esteem thing.

If anything I'd say I have high self esteem.

It's like in my personal life I feel like I meet a lot of the symptoms of ADHD - disorganised, forgetful (I forget birthdays, to reply to texts, etc).

But when at work I don't have the same thing?

I have a really good memory at work - people comment on it.

Outside of work my memory is terrible.

I can relate!

I have lots of systems for work and keep my nose to the grindstone/get things done. When I get home I just don't have the energy to work in the same fashion. I have systems but rarely stick to them.

I know someone else who is exactly the same.

I suspect that I have ADD in some form and I get things done at work because I have very strict routines and lists for getting things done.

I also suspect that I have a problem with working memory and executive function.

At work, I write every bit of minutiae down and save it in a way I can refer back to it. I really really struggle with people giving me lengthy and detailed instructions verbally so prefer to have everything on email.

I can relate totally but just assumed it was because I found the home stuff boring if that makes sense. I have one child who is ASD/ADHD and a lot more do I have had this in the back of my mind for 20 years now but I am completely different to them in that I have never struggled professionally in the same way I struggle in my home life. Again though, I just think, who wants to bother about cleaning the bathroom until you have to (I generally wait until tradespeople or visitors are going to come) and keeping in top of personal bills has never thrilled me but for decades at work I have never missed a beat. My child with ASD/ADHD has always struggled just as much at school/uni/workplace as they have at home though so ???

I’m the same

I struggle with personal stuff much more than work stuff

Not because I have low self esteem but because there is no one chasing me or expecting stuff in the same way. I need an external reason, just as you describe. For example to exercise I need to have booked into a class, if it’s up to me I won’t get round to it, even if I have an empty day

Cleaner/bills - get a direct debit set up!!
Texts I have to reply immediately as I know I’ll forget otherwise
Birthdays I am still terrible although I keep meaning to put them in my calendar

I think it partly comes from having found school easy - it was possible to muck about for ages and then cram last minute

I will say though that I always coped at home with kids stuff the same way I coped at work when they were young. I had a massive whiteboard that took up a lot of the hall (same size as we used at work), and I would note everything regarding the kids school and extracurriculars on there. So would DH though who also shared parenting load. I don’t think this is indicative of any issue though? More just common sense as DH and I worked different shifts and rarely crossed paths while awake for a few years so was an accepted and easy at a glance communication tool!

You have described me to a T and I’ve never been able to put my finger on it! Watching with interest…

This sounds like me. I have an ASD diagnosis (and suspect I may also have ADHD but I'm not looking into that at the moment). I'm an over achiever at work but can't make a simple phone call or open my post reliably. It might be worth looking into the female presentation of ASD.

Really poor executive function plus terrible sleep were indicators of autistic burnout with me.

ADHD is certainly under recognised in women and you would appear to tick enough boxes for further exploration . As a variable attention stimulus trait, ADHD means you can both be hyper focused ( getting lost in a project, cramming for exams, being successful at work because you can give 110%) and lack focus ( not paying bills, laundry piling up ). Many of the techniques for dealing with this trait might be helpful regardless of whether you get an assessment.I’d suggest you look online as a starting point for tips - I like the easy going style of this doctor but goggle will
Find you plenty of others www.instagram.com/p/CSDbki5h3qF/?utm_medium=copy_link
There’s lots of digestible information on Instagram or you tube such as the doctor above, ( in nice, short bursts so you don’t have to fast forward to the end or get distracted ..) Adhd presents in different ways in different people and can have a greater impact in different environments such as work versus home and is also highly inheritable (child who has this trait is likely to have parent with it too, even if parent isn’t assessed ). I think the worst aspect of unacknowledged ADHD is the blame and self shame cycle - the “ what’s wrong with me, why am I so lazy /careless etc” self dialogue that runs on a loop through your head. Acknowledging that your brain works in different ways , some beneficial, some not , and applying what techniques you can to harness or control this behaviour- can be hugely helpful for your well being .

@KarmaViolet

Yes...this.

I'm also an overachiever at work but opening letters or answering calls in my personal life is avoided at all cost. It makes me very anxious.

I'm sure I don't have autism though...I've looked at the criteria and watched YouTube videos of women with autism and don't recognise a lot of the other symptoms.

It's the executive functioning in my personal life.

I think I may look to see if there are any female ADHD YouTubers and whether that seems a closer fit.

Some recommended links on adhd /you tube - short online videos might be more accessible than a book and provides a better dopamine hit anyway

I relate to this. I work I am super organised and need to keep a tidy environment etc. At home I am lazy and my house is a tip even though I've had loads of time to sort it this week. Took me a year to sort swapping bills to cheaper tarrifs and neglect doctors visits etc. I do wonder if its becasue im just so relaxed and comfortable/in a rut at home where as work is challenging but rewarding and I want to be seen to do a good job too. I am a bit obsessive with work stuff and find it hard to switch off so maybe there is an element of being the complete other way at home.

I have to add, as useful as youtube and other websites and gathering up information and advice may help.

Please see your Dr asap for a proper assessment. Just in case it is another condition.

There are often many that have so many of the same symptoms. Like problems with your executive functions, memory, attention, apathy, excessive sleep and insomnia are also in certain neurological disorders. Not that i think that’s your issue, but as there are more serious things that need to be excluded you really need to see a professional. Good luck.

Yes, I agree it is important to rule out other possibilities and think no one is offering , or should offer, an armchair diagnosis, particularly if this is a recent thing. The OP does suggest a history of executive function difficulty and a polarity between the private and work spheres which could suggest something like ADHH , particularly if these traits have always been present in your life, rather than a gradual neuro decline that affects your overall capabilities in all areas . However again this is worthy of exploration , which can begin with some self research and then a visit to GP or refer yourself if you can to a specialist clinician who works in the field . I would recommend you tube etc as a starting point for research on adhd, it is a format that often suits the possible adhd brain better rather reading a lengthy tome as it’s short stimulating bursts . ADHD is under recognised in girls and women and this can contribute to mental health issues. The advice offered by everyone here may not address your issues but could help others so TX for sharing .

Sounds like classic symptoms of add. Check out Dr Amen and his lectures on line. Plus get an appointment with a gp.

Classic ADHD my lovely x