I cant do parenting

[R0tational]

I had my kids when i was young and dumb and in a couple. Im now older and im just a useless person. I hate myself very much and i hate my children and i wish none of us existed at all. I hate being alive completely. They wesr me down and they dont get what they want from me. I just hate existing .

You sound very depressed OP. How old are you/your kids? I’m sure you don’t hate them but when you’re low it can feel like it. Have you spoken to anyone about this (family, GP?)

It doesnt make any difference. Theyre never happy about anything. Preteens. They never listen to me. I have antidepressants. Ive had therspy innthe past and more booked. I have had parenting classes by council. Nothing works. Im miserable. Theyre miserable. We all hate each other and none of us are happy. When ive been feeling good i try sne bouy them but but they dont listen at all. Ive come to bed cos there is no pleasing them at all and im chained to them. One doesnt want to go away for the week as plannned with my family even tho its supposed to be childare so i can work. What am i meant to do? Not work? Shes making me feel guilty and crying and sulking about not going as she has just been to her dads too for a few days but wtf am i meant to do.

You are not well. You need a break to get well.

Is the father of the children able to have them whilst you seek treatment?

I am completely fine but thank you Galassia.

If you actually think you are a useless person then you are not fine.

People with healthy minds do not think they are useless nor do they hate themselves.

The fact that you made a post signifies you have some understanding that things are not right with you.

OP you really don't sound ok at all. I would say your teen has to suck it up and go. We have to ship DD off to various family over holidays and she'll usually be happy but occasionally complain but enjoy it when she's there. Don't let the sulking get to you. You are not a terrible parent.

Preteen sorry

You say you are fine. You aren't and you are in denial. People with healthy minds do not think or speak that way. Children are arseholes but to say you hate them? That's not a normal way of thinking. Please seek help

Thanks @Myusernameisnotmyusernameno
It's very difficult to parent her as I find it difficult when she is upset about going somewhere as I have some childhood abandonment issues. Sometimes I dont know what is reasonable. This summer holiday they have been shipped around (including to their dad whose they dont love going to) and I have been very busy with work (long story but no leave and long hours). I havent had time to see them. I do have one week before school after this short trip away. The guilt is overwhelming..which is why I think I am a poor parent. Today is their one night at home before the shirt trip away. She has agreed to go now but there has been a lot of stress and angst in the house. A complete waste of day together.
In terms of general mental health, I know its poor but I cant do much beyond what I am doing. There is no miracle cure.

Tell her you love her and you're sorry that you have to work so much, wish you could spend more time with her and give her a big hug. It's hard for single parents trying to juggle work and kids and it's hard for kids when they have to be shipped around everywhere and they would rather just be at home with mum.

Feeling guilty won't help you or your relationship with her though, in fact it sounds like it's making you feel bad and you're losing patience with her because she didn't want to go and that makes you feel more guilty - it's a vicious circle but you can try to break it by being positive about her going where ever she's going whilst also understanding that it's not her first choice. Tell her gently that you'd rather be having fun with her than at work and you understand that she'd rather not go. It doesn't change the fact that she has to go but it feels like you're on her side and understand.

@Tal45 has hit the nail on the head. I've not had much leave myself in these holidays. Just one week and it does make you feel guilty but u work to keep them in a home and food and other things. Make sure the time you spend with her is quality time. Guilt is such a draining emotion. Not to put down your feelings because they are valid but if you have no choice then that's that and far better to spend the time with her in a positive happy way and not a negative way. Hope that makes sense. Please be kind to yourself OP

Thank you for your supportive replies! We have generally (before the holidays) been really good as I did mindfullness daily and was trying really hard to be sooo patient and mature and exercising and whatnot. I have therapy booked to restart soon. Perhaps I was triggered earlier and feeling so trapped. Single parenting is very hard for me. I often feel I have noone who "gets it" because other people dont have my weird MH.

We are all calm and happy again now. She has agreed to go. Pushing my children theyre unhapoy with and making them feel unheard kills me inside. Perhaps thats why they try and wriggle out if it. But then when she says "fine! We cant do anything. Sad face", I feel so awful.
Goodnight and thank you. Thanks for letting me outlet my distress. I know its something I need to work on.

OP, one thing about children is that they are staggeringly selfish. It is very obvious in pre-teens who can be very clippy and dismissing.
Time will help as their brain will grow a bit more soon and they start to develop empathy.
I hear you. Being a mother is brutal. So hard, but don't let it beat you.

The summer holidays are brutal with kids. Sympathy 💐