Feel so bitter, resentful and anxious

[lollipoprainbow]

I've had a difficult life, my dad died at 14, I lost my beloved sister to cancer five years ago very suddenly and my mum who was my best friend and rock is in a care home with advanced dementia. My dd9 was diagnosed with autism this year and it is a real struggle. I'm a single mum, she sees her dad but that's it. His dad died two years ago and his mum is in a care home so my dd has no active grandparents around. I have a darling brother who I adore but he's the only family I see. I have nieces and nephews who don't bother at all to keep in touch so my dd doesn't really know her cousins and she has four others on her dads side but again we have zero contact with them as my dd dad doesn't speak to his family at all. My dd really struggles to make friends as I do. Every day I wake up feeling bitter and angry at my lot and wish I didn't. We had a day out yesterday with my work colleague and her children. She was showing us pics of her in laws gorgeous new puppy, her kids have both sets of grandparents still as well as numerous aunties, uncles, step siblings, cousins etc. I saw my dd face and felt awful. She probably wonders why she doesn't have the same. I spent the day feeling upset and resentful and when I got home my dd had a meltdown and I think she felt the same as me. I'm constantly anxious about her too, every ache, pain, rash etc she gets I'm worried sick she's poorly and I'm going to lose her too. Why is life so unfair to some when others have lovely lives? I wish I didn't feel like this. Sorry for the rant as you can see I have no one else to vent to!

Hi Op, I do get what you mean but I think sometimes people have bad luck too but they make the best of life so you wouldn’t know. People might have seen you on your day out with your lovely friend and your daughter and thought the same about you!
I do understand what it feels like though when it seems others have a much easier time of it. Daily gratitudes are good, the little things that you are grateful for. It helps shift your mindset to a more positive one so you focus on what you do have, rather than what you don’t. Life is tough though and it is ok to feel like that for a bit, but you have to find a way to move on or it will ruin the good stuff you do have.

Hi.
What you're going through now and have been through already is really tough.
Resentment and hurt is understandable.
Can you encourage your dd to join after school activities? She may bond there with other kids which will be beneficial for her.
It may be beneficial for you too. I've met some lovely people taking my dgd to cubs/scouts.
Being a single parent with no childcare in the evenings makes it more of a challenge to find time to do things for you that would encourage new friendships but it sounds like dd father is in the picture somewhere. Does he have her overnight? Could you take a class somewhere?
There was an 'adopt a grandparent ' type drive a while ago, thats something worth looking into. There are many older folk without families who would cherish a relationship with a young family.
Above all, please do something nice for yourself. You deserve to be happy too 💐

You have so much going on there. So much grief I really feel for you. I understand the resentment as I sometimes feel similar myself (parents dead and only sibling lives on the other side of the world). I definitely feel the unfairness of it. Other times I realise it has made me independent and resourceful as I am sure you have had to be. Also have to bear in mind that what looks happy from the outside sometimes very much isn't. But you need some rl support - have you had any thoughts about where you could access this?Also have you been to the gp about your anxiety? Worrying that something could happen to other people I care about is also something I do although I try to recognise it as irrational- and as a reaction to what I have experienced in my life.

I second about the daily gratitudes- simple but can be quite effective