Do you agree it’s not just coincidence?

[Chivkpt]

I’ve realised that no matter how nice the man, if you are less interested than him (or give that impression), then they up the effort with you.

I’m not saying an interested man would go off you if you display lots of interest back. But generally no matter where on the scale of interest you both are, and no matter how decent the man is, if you are distracted, less available, whether intentionally or accidentally, it shifts the effort from the other party.

Why is this? I don’t think it’s coincidence? I notice it across all my past relationships.

I think some concrete example would help. I’m not sure I really understand what you mean.

I guess just when I’ve been in busier patches, the men I’ve been with have been far more engaged in organising things and contacting me etc.

To be clear it’s not a game I’ve wanted to play. I read why men love bitches after seeing it on my cousin’s shelf last week and was intrigued…I realised all my relationships worked this way, the busier and more distracted I was the more the men seemed to invest.

Are you suggesting the old ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen’?

Guess so @Galassia !

I don't think it's just men. I also think it only applies to the early stages is a relationship or even before a relationship has emerged.

We value things more when we have to put in effort to obtaining them. The harder we work, the more we value it.

I think if someone you are dating becomes disinterested and less available then it's healthier to say oh forget this than to beg and plead for attention tbh.

Doesn't work with me!! Any mind games like that and I'm off

I think it often is the case but also isn't a good sign for the relationship. If his interest fades when you pay attention to him/he feels like you're "his" then how is his behaviour going to change once you're married or tied together in some other way like kids or a house? Probably not in a good way.

I think it's more confidence they're attracted to, rather than how interested you seem. And plenty of men wouldn't bother with someone who didn't seem interested in them back.

I've definitely had one of those guys who I dated, kind of dated, slept with a few times on and off over oh, 12 years. I think I was always slightly more into him. But his siren always blared when I was with someone else. He even proposed to me once when I'd just started seeing someone, on the off chance that it didn't work with the guy talk about wanting what you can't have.

But when my husband and I got together, we were both incredibly keen. I guess we just knew it was right and we pursued each other?

I don't about the bitch book, but "he's just not that into you" made total sense to me!