Have you deferred your child starting Reception class?

[Fucshiaflipflops]

I’ve another thread on here explains my situation. Posting on this section now for any replies really. Daughter really upset lately, refusing to go nursery so we’ve stopped. As she wouldn’t leave the house, throwing herself on the floor.
Now refusing to go to school in September getting herself very worked up; hysterical crying, panicking etc.... obviously not talking about it now. Have uniform all ready but not shown her yet.
It has been mentioned maybe she’s just not ready (summer baby)
I’ve spoken to HV, nursery they see proceed with things in September and friends say defer place. I’m unsure what to do, just waiting for school to reopen so I can talk to them.
Just interested to find out if you’ve deferred your child starting in September and if this is common practice.

Thank you

Just as a different perspective, I was a September baby so the eldest in my year. I hated being so old. I was 12 when I started (English) secondary, and 19 when I started uni. It definitely put me off the idea of a gap year.
Yes, I did very well academically but I had peers a whole year younger who were just as good as me. I was so bored in my last year of primary. It felt like a completely wasted year, which I could have used later to go travelling / get work experience etc. These deferred summer borns are going to be even older. I would only have deferred my own children if they were premature or had delayed development.

Maybe we should just change the cut off date to June so all the summer borns are older for the year…
(I am an august born myself- someone has to be the youngest

How would this make any difference? There will still be youngest in the year who may then want to defer

I actually dont think this is a sign of her not being ready. If shes getting upset at going to nursery too (where I assume shes been going for a while) I think something else is the issue here.

Many children struggle to regulate their emotions at this age. If in doubt, defer.

@Gloschick

Just as a different perspective, I was a September baby so the eldest in my year. I hated being so old. I was 12 when I started (English) secondary, and 19 when I started uni. It definitely put me off the idea of a gap year. Yes, I did very well academically but I had peers a whole year younger who were just as good as me. I was so bored in my last year of primary. It felt like a completely wasted year, which I could have used later to go travelling / get work experience etc. These deferred summer borns are going to be even older. I would only have deferred my own children if they were premature or had delayed development.

Im an August baby who also did very well academically. It was a given that I was always the youngest, but I dont think it was ever an issue. I have 2 degrees and countless postgrad professional qualifications in my chosen field of work. I think automatically assuming summer born children arent ready for school is really insulting.

One of my children has started P1, he will be 6yo in a matter of days. I deferred him. He wasn't ready last year.

@mamaisme

We have deferred our late August 2017 son so he won’t start reception until Sept 22. Academically he is probably ready, he’s a very sociable and aware little boy so again would probably be ok but we wanted more than probably and ok - we want him to thrive. Additionally he’s exhausted after 3 days at preschool and an emotional wreck so who knows what he would be like after 5 days! We also thought about his entire time at school. Reception isn’t really the concern it’s the rest of his time at school as the academia ramps up inc sitting GCSEs at 15. There is lots of mis-information out there regarding the deferral of summer borns like they have to go straight into yr 1 or would miss a year of secondary school. My advice would be to join the Flexible School Admissions for Summer Born Children group on Facebook where there is a plethora of excellent advice and information.

This is all true, especially the paragraph about all the misinformation around. We too have deferred our 31 august boy to start reception next sept instead of this sept. So happy with my decision.

I don’t get the sports comment. A summer born child who has a delayed school start will go in at 5 and still spend the whole school year as a 5yo, as will the September borns. No-one stops the Autumn children competing in sports.

My summer born might as well not have had reception. She was a jan start as was the case back then and needed a full term to settle.

I would defer a summer born in certain circumstances but I’m not sure I would in yours. I think you need to understand why she is getting hysterical and what the issues are without rushing to defer school.

@HungryHippo11

Will you home educate? If not, surely if not at school she will need to be in nursery to develop some sort of independence and for the social development and learning which takes place there, so she doesn't fall behind. So that doesn't solve the problem, she doesn't want to go to nursery either.

If you don't send her anywhere for another year, its going to be even more difficult next year I would have thought. Also interesting that the nursery think she is ready for school, have you had a sit down with them to find out their take on her school readiness and any explanation for her current behaviour?

I agree with this. Deferring isn't going to help you here IMO.

I have 2 summer borns, but didn't defer either. DC2 flourishes in an educational setting, both socially and academically, so deferral was never going to be necessary. DC1 started reception academically a bit behind the pack (this was caught up by the end of reception), but the biggest issue was separating from me at the door and social skills. She was awful to get in through the door at preschool and until halfway through year 1. I was always calm and breezy, but she would cry and cling, and need to be unpeeled. She is about to start year 3, and now goes in with a million 'just one more' hugs and a sigh. Most frustratingly, she always bounds out happy and excited to tell me about her day 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️ Socially she is still immature when compared to the older DCs in her class, but that gap is slowly closing too. I struggled (and still do!) with navigating friendships and I think she is similar, so we are working on that but for me that has been a lifelong personality issue, and another year of maturing wouldn't have helped.

I would have a really good chat with your nursery, and definitely wouldn't be pulling her out as I suspect it would make gettingher back into a setting even more difficult.

I’ve friends who have deferred August born boys and been happy with the decision. But they both continued to attend nursery/preschool, they didn’t stay at home full time.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

I actually dont think this is a sign of her not being ready. If shes getting upset at going to nursery too (where I assume shes been going for a while) I think something else is the issue here.

I agree. It honestly sounds like a wider issue and I really don't think deferring her for a year is going to do anything other than push the issues another year down the road.

It also doesn't sound like she is going to be getting the extra benefit of another year's early years education in preparation so she wouldn't be advantaged in deferring.

I would imagine with more understanding and being older she will be even more anxious and comfortable at home by next year and you'll be facing even more of a challenge in getting her to accept going to school.

I don’t get the sports comment. A summer born child who has a delayed school start will go in at 5 and still spend the whole school year as a 5yo, as will the September borns. No-one stops the Autumn children competing in sports.

It’s the inter school sports. You can’t play in the under 11s if you’re not under 11 on the relevant date etc. More likely to be an issue for senior school but also junior school in some situations.

My daughter really struggled with nursery this last year. But she would go in, we would have crying at drop off, she’d watch others play, sit by the teacher. Didn’t want to use their toilets, didn’t want to eat their lunch, would pick at my packed lunch. Would cry during her sessions wanting to come.
There was a couple weeks, she settled, happy to go but still tearful at times, said she was playing with others. But again not wanting to eat or use toilets, when staff took her she’s saying she was left by herself and got scared. Nursery said they popped out for a minute to get something.
After these two weeks she totally changed became more withdrawn, saying a girl had scribbled all over her drawings one day and on another occasion a boy had hit her. When I asked to show me she hit me in the face. She said the teacher didn’t see.

She’s then been poorly with this cold bug that was going around. So she was off/on at nursery. She’s talked about others playing too rough with her, there also seems to be a teacher she’s not keen on, but I’ve noticed whenever we see this teacher, the teacher always asking for a hug.
Last few weeks she’s got so worked up in the mornings and throwing herself down or clinging onto family member. Just not wanting to go. So we’ve stopped. It was emotional upsetting for everyone.
Some of the children are going to the same school.

My gut is saying I don’t feel she is ready, she’s very sensitive and takes her a little while before she engages.

The nursery seem to give mixed responses. Keyworker says try and get her to start in sept, she will be fine.
But a new staff started recently and was telling me my daughter doesn’t really engage a lot in the group activities she tends to sit out and watches. I’ve seen some clips on learning journals and she seems so unhappy.

Some of the verbal feedback I get on pick up ‘ she had a great morning, playing at the park, doing crafts’ . But when I ask my daughter she says at the park they didn’t give her a go on the swings for example.

Sorry there’s just so much to say.

I was thinking of changing nursery in September if she deferred. I did also think about a Forest School.
Or maybe home schooling.

Thank you it has helped me immensely those of you who took steps and felt it right choice to defer.

@Fucshiaflipflops

My daughter really struggled with nursery this last year. But she would go in, we would have crying at drop off, she’d watch others play, sit by the teacher. Didn’t want to use their toilets, didn’t want to eat their lunch, would pick at my packed lunch. Would cry during her sessions wanting to come. There was a couple weeks, she settled, happy to go but still tearful at times, said she was playing with others. But again not wanting to eat or use toilets, when staff took her she’s saying she was left by herself and got scared. Nursery said they popped out for a minute to get something. After these two weeks she totally changed became more withdrawn, saying a girl had scribbled all over her drawings one day and on another occasion a boy had hit her. When I asked to show me she hit me in the face. She said the teacher didn’t see. She’s then been poorly with this cold bug that was going around. So she was off/on at nursery. She’s talked about others playing too rough with her, there also seems to be a teacher she’s not keen on, but I’ve noticed whenever we see this teacher, the teacher always asking for a hug. Last few weeks she’s got so worked up in the mornings and throwing herself down or clinging onto family member. Just not wanting to go. So we’ve stopped. It was emotional upsetting for everyone. Some of the children are going to the same school.

My gut is saying I don’t feel she is ready, she’s very sensitive and takes her a little while before she engages.

The nursery seem to give mixed responses. Keyworker says try and get her to start in sept, she will be fine.
But a new staff started recently and was telling me my daughter doesn’t really engage a lot in the group activities she tends to sit out and watches. I’ve seen some clips on learning journals and she seems so unhappy.

Some of the verbal feedback I get on pick up ‘ she had a great morning, playing at the park, doing crafts’ . But when I ask my daughter she says at the park they didn’t give her a go on the swings for example.

Sorry there’s just so much to say.

I was thinking of changing nursery in September if she deferred. I did also think about a Forest School.
Or maybe home schooling.

Thank you it has helped me immensely those of you who took steps and felt it right choice to defer.

Well with all this in mind and considering the problem has been going on this last year I imagine its a wider issue that you need to get to the bottom of. Nursery sounds like its been really disrupted for her - perhaps she needs a stable routine? Another way of looking at it is that shes just a shy charactor. I lived next door to a little girl who was similar and her parents did a load of research to find a small pre-school for her as smaller groups seemed to suit her better. If you do end up deferring, perhaps find a smaller pre-school setting for her so things arent so overwhelming and she has chance to build her confidence? Id also advocate a pre-school over a nursery as it tends to prep them better for school.

I’m planning to defer my July born boy. The pros definitely outweigh the cons IMO.

This is exactly what they do in Scotland. The cut-off is something like kids need to have turned 4 by the end of Jan or Feb, to start in August. In addition, those born in the last 2 or 3 qualifying months can defer a year (and often do), so everyone is at least 4.5 when they start school and some are as old as 5.5.

Yes but ultimately these children do one fewer year of schooling over all. A Scottish child born in February 2021 will finish school a year earlier than one born on the same date in England, if they both go into their usual year groups. P1 is also more similar to Y1 than it is to reception, which is more like the final year of nursery in Scotland.

As a primary teacher, I've taught several end of August borns who probably would have done better in the year below. Some who have thrived in their usual year group too of course. Summer born is a wide term though - I wouldn't defer a June or July child unless there was good reason to. It's not like all the other children in the year group were born on 1 Sept, they will be spread out over the year.

It doesn't sound like she's not ready for school at all, She just sounds really sensitive tbh.
Not getting a go on the swings, and a child scribbling on her drawings wouldn't be a reason I stopped sending her to nursery. I think if you defer her, and sent her to another nursery, or home school, you'll have the exact same problem when she started next year.
So many children get upset about having to start school and don't want to leave you. I understand it's not nice seeing your child cry, but I think (gently) you need to perhaps toughen up a bit.

I think if you defer her, and sent her to another nursery, or home school, you'll have the exact same problem when she started next year.

Same

I started my Summer-born boy at Compulsory School Age and have never regretted it. He is going in to Y3 in September, he would have been Y4 otherwise.

The extra year did him the world of good. It gave him a chance to mature a little before starting school which he really needed. When he eventually started school he loved Reception, it was loads of free play which he really enjoyed. He hated Y1 where learning becomes more formal, in my mind at least he went into that environment as a 6 year old rather than a 5 year old.

I deferred my June born son- he is going onto year two with his age adjusted cohort into September, he didn't miss any school years (ie started in reception not year one).
For us it was nothing to do with emotional maturity and everything to do with him getting a school place as we had relocated August the year he would have started reception- the school suggested it, rather than have him miss reception entirely waiting for a school place to become available at our chosen school! I think it's been wonderful for him, while I'm sure he would have managed if he had not deferred he has thrived by having the extra time at home/ playgroup.

My gut is saying I don’t feel she is ready, she’s very sensitive and takes her a little while before she engages.

If this is the case then unfortunately I don't think a year out will make her any more ready. How is she when playing with other children outside the nursery environment?

We did. DC has just turned 5 and will start reception in a couple of weeks.
Last year screaming, refusing to go to nursery, not engaging, no friends/never mentioned another child by name. Very bright with numbers and letters, but emotionally not ready.

This year like a different child, plays with other kids, has friends, can reason/understand when stuff happens.

No regrets here at all and will be doing the same for younger summerborn DC.

School isn’t a race, but there are benefits to being the oldest, but it’s not a competition with other kids. Your child will have an advantage, but it’s not putting anyone else down.
(Sorry a lot of buts there!)

Make sure you join the flexible summerborn admissions Facebook group for correct information. No skipping years, not being able to play sports, starting in year 1.

Thank you everyone.

It’s a big decision. I’m going to discuss with school when they reopen. The nursery are being a bit vague on certain points I feel. I was thinking about it and she actually hasn’t attended a lot of sessions in the last year due to lockdowns (obviously affected lots of children) and then she was off sick due to chest infections etc... so when added up it’s not been that long.

Also, yes, maybe once we get into a routine in September, if she goes in (if I can manage to get her to leave the house, This is major issue) maybe she will settle.

I was reading that there part time options during winter term, don’t know if that applies or a later start in the year.

Daughter mentioned yesterday she wanted to go to another nursery. She is very shy and was happy and even excited about the prospect of going into reception, but I’ve really noticed how unhappy she is around the whole nursery place. When we are out we usually bump into the group going to the park. She gets frightened (that’s how to describe it) and doesn’t want to see them/say hello etc...

Obviously if we do defer, she won’t just be at home. I will either try another nursery or home school.

But maybe it’s best I discuss with the School as people keep telling me they have strategies.
A friend of mine deeply regrets not deferring her child 2 years ago and her child has had major difficulties and it’s been a huge impact. Every child is different as is every situation.

I hope I make the right decision with some help from the school.

Thanks again everyone. I’ll update on here nearer the time school starts.