Hello.
Please be gentle with me. Im really struggling and can feel myself falling into a really deep and dark depressive state. I do suffer with anxiety but take medication for this. Nothing is touching how I feel right now ☹️
I work full time. 39.5 hours a week. I bring home a fairly good salary for my age, I suppose.
I feel like I'm drowning. I never have any money left. I am at the point now where I don't know where me and my fiancé's next meal is going to come from. He works full time too.
I feel like I'm drowning in money worries and I have nowhere to turn to. I don't currently have a penny to my name. Literally.
I'm waking up in cold sweats in the middle of the night worrying about how I would afford sudden unexpected car repairs, or vet bills. I'm worried sick. Literally.
My fiancé and I are currently paying off our wedding for next year, so obviously that's where most of our money is going. It's so important to us to get married soon as his grandmother isn't very well and we don't know how much longer she may have with us. So that is why we are doing the wedding ASAP.
That's costing us £500 each a month.
I also have my car that I pay monthly for (my biggest 'grass is greener' mistake ever. I wish I stuck to my not so good, but paid outright car ☹️ that's costing me £358 a month.
Bills, other household expenses etc are costing me £300 ish a month.
I barely have anything left by the time I've paid for a decent food shop and filled the car up 2/3 times a month with fuel, at £60 a tank.
I also have my tax and insurance.
I don't know where to turn to. I feel like I'm drowning and there's no way out. The car is the biggest mistake I've made. At the time when I took the agreement out on it, I was in a great job where I had extra money to burn, so a nice new car seemed a great idea and it's much more reliable than what I had.
Fast forward to now, and it's a huge chunk of my wages each month gone.
I feel silly as I know others manage in a similar boat. I don't know what to do to help myself. I don't have a credit card or overdraft and ideally don't want to take that option out as I know I will spiral into debt way above my means, as it's convenient when I'm in times like this.
I don't want the sympathy, I know it's my own doing. I'm just sick of relying on pay later schemes like Klarna to get my work clothes when I suddenly need a pair of shoes as mine are broken, or a work shirt as mine it ripped.. I want to be able to have some money set aside for unexpected expenses like this.
I try to talk to family about it but I'm told I'm stupid and careless with my money. Maybe I am - i literally don't remember the last time I bought ANYTHING for myself, went to the hairdressers.. got a new piece of clothing etc.. it's just not something that I can do for myself.
I am sorry this may seem ranty..I just wanted to get my feelings off my chest. I have honestly thought at times that I don't know how I will carry on like this. Life sometimes doesn't feel worth living.