Help me stop messaging my partner, I feel ill

[EmbarrassedFa]

I’ve not been with him that long, around a year or so. All been amazing. I have form for poor mental health and specifically abandonment issues and insecurity. I work so hard to keep on top of these and im in therapy and read loads about it.

I am in a downward spiral of obsessing over my partner’s contact with me. It’s making me feel sick and I know I am sabotaging things. I must be coming across so unattractive. Please help me stop this spiral. I don’t know why I suddenly need constant reassurance from him. I am not in a good place. Our relationship has been so great and I am ruining it because I can’t relax. I feel tormented.

I worry if he doesn’t text back quickly
I worry if I don’t hear from him
I worry if we don’t have plans to see each other next and it’s up in the air/undecided
I worry if he’s going off me
I worry he’s not really invested

I am in a high powered job and feel a fucking fraud. I’ve left an all day meeting tonight and sat in my car and cried for an hour. I don’t even recognise myself. Can anyone talk with me please. I’m scared I’ve already ruined my relationship and that’s making me want to be in contact more and then the circle begins again. I can’t stop.

I think - fwiw - stop checking your phone as much and you will feel a lot better. Self-care, and have things to look forward to separately and together.

I had this and no longer suffer.. there is hope it’s called ROCD - relationship obsessive compulsive disorder and is in fact an illness. Don’t be hard on yourself.. you need a new way of thinking.. the nausea and symptoms you feel are just symptoms of high anxiety however they get attached to things that mean the most to us. Hope you’re doing ok.. it’s a horrible thing to experience xx

Also another good website is called conscious transitions.. it’s really informative about this kind of thing..

Do you actually want more commitment? A year is a milestone in any relationship. If you're honest with yourself, is your anxiety about texting etc a symptom of a wider desire for marriage/cohabitation?