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my baby doesn’t like me

9 replies

babyadvice1364 · 18/08/2021 15:55

my 4.5 month old just screams so much at the minute as if she’s in pain. i keep thinking she’s teething but then my partner will take her and she stops crying and starts smiling etc and is fine.

i think she just doesn’t like me and i don’t know why. i’ve always tried my best to be a good parent to her and she just seems to not like me

OP posts:
Outfoxedbyrabbits · 18/08/2021 16:37

Are you breastfeeding? Sometimes babies get cranky if they can smell milk but are obviously fine with other non-lactating people! My friend's baby used to settle for me or her dad but not for my friend, her mum.

babyadvice1364 · 18/08/2021 23:57

@Outfoxedbyrabbits i am yeah! did she find that was the case the whole time she breastfed? i wanted to aim for a year but if that’s the cause it’s really stressing me out

OP posts:
trebelclef · 19/08/2021 00:03

Oh its so hard when they are like this!

My baby would settle the moment DH took her off me.

I too think it was something to do with the fact that when DH had her, she knew she wasn't getting any milk so just settled to sleep easier. I can remember several times pacing the hall with her screaming in my arms waiting for DH's car to pull in, feeling so desperate.

At 6 months when I could give her bits of food as well, she became so much more relaxed with me, I think because she knew I wasn't the sole source of sustenance, if that makes sense.

Hang in there, it will pass.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Flittingaboutagain · 19/08/2021 00:35

www.laleche.org.uk/i-think-my-babys-got-colic/

Are you doing all of these things OP? Sometimes I realise that I have just been using the boob whereas my partner has gone through different strategies and these have helped settle baby.

Definitely sounds like a normal phase and it'll pass. It's not personal!

DoreenWinkings · 19/08/2021 00:39

Honestly, she's so tiny that she's probably still at the stage when she doesn't really consider you as a separate person from her.

It's so hard when babies are like this, I remember it so well. My youngest would literally only sleep with me, if she was on top of me. Her dad could rock her to sleep and then put her down. And she'd stay asleep. I would rock her to sleep and within seconds of putting her down she'd be screaming as if I was torturing her. It was awful.

But, your baby has spent her entire existence with you. Your smell, your heartbeat, your voice etc are all just an extension of her, as far as she's concerned. So when she's with you, and she cries, it's not a reflection of her feelings for you. It's just that she's not acknowledging you as a separate person at all. You're a part of her as far as she's concerned.

She will recognise your partners voice etc when he has her. So she'll calm down for him - not because she likes him better. But because she sees him as a familiar person. He's safe.

You, however, are her world. A part of her. It's so SO hard when you are living it. But be kind to yourself. She doesn't like you, she loves you. You are everything to her.

This time will pass. She will get bigger and learn to recognise you as 'her mum'. Sometimes she will seem to prefer you, sometimes she will seem to prefer your partner. Sometimes she will declare that she hates you both (I have a teenager - fun times!). For now, just take each day as it comes. If she settles for your partner and is content, then take yourself of for a bit and do something for you, have a bath or a rest.

Keep telling yourself that she LOVES you - she absolutely does, I guarantee it.

Houseofvelour · 19/08/2021 00:46

@DoreenWinkings

Honestly, she's so tiny that she's probably still at the stage when she doesn't really consider you as a separate person from her.

It's so hard when babies are like this, I remember it so well. My youngest would literally only sleep with me, if she was on top of me. Her dad could rock her to sleep and then put her down. And she'd stay asleep. I would rock her to sleep and within seconds of putting her down she'd be screaming as if I was torturing her. It was awful.

But, your baby has spent her entire existence with you. Your smell, your heartbeat, your voice etc are all just an extension of her, as far as she's concerned. So when she's with you, and she cries, it's not a reflection of her feelings for you. It's just that she's not acknowledging you as a separate person at all. You're a part of her as far as she's concerned.

She will recognise your partners voice etc when he has her. So she'll calm down for him - not because she likes him better. But because she sees him as a familiar person. He's safe.

You, however, are her world. A part of her. It's so SO hard when you are living it. But be kind to yourself. She doesn't like you, she loves you. You are everything to her.

This time will pass. She will get bigger and learn to recognise you as 'her mum'. Sometimes she will seem to prefer you, sometimes she will seem to prefer your partner. Sometimes she will declare that she hates you both (I have a teenager - fun times!). For now, just take each day as it comes. If she settles for your partner and is content, then take yourself of for a bit and do something for you, have a bath or a rest.

Keep telling yourself that she LOVES you - she absolutely does, I guarantee it.

Thank you for writing this. When my eldest (3yrs) was a baby, I was convinced she hated me and always preferred daddy (she still does prefer him) but this has made me feel so much better about it.
CustardyCreams · 19/08/2021 05:47

A few ideas, aside from the one about milk.
Do you wear perfume or scented deodorant?
Does your DH hold her in a particular way?

Pretty unlikely your baby dislikes you so don’t worry.

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 25/08/2021 14:40

[quote babyadvice1364]@Outfoxedbyrabbits i am yeah! did she find that was the case the whole time she breastfed? i wanted to aim for a year but if that’s the cause it’s really stressing me out[/quote]
Hi @babyadvice1364, sorry I didn't get a notification that you'd tagged me. No it didn't continue the whole time I don't think, 4.5 months puts you right around a major sleep regression which are often linked to developmental leaps so it could just be that baby is feeling generally unsettled at the moment.

There's a good Facebook group called Breastfeeding Younger Babies And Beyond which I'd recommend to you Smile

Name12341 · 25/08/2021 14:46

Is she rooting to feed when crying? Mine all breastfed and one breastfed quickly, one breastfed quickly during the day and did 2-3 hours of comfort feeding/being latched on in the evening where she would cry if not latched on despite being ok during the day, but our other wanted to be feeding for a huge percentage of the day if I was holding her until about 7 months when she got more interested in her surroundings and food.
I would just offer for her to latch more often if she's fussing at this stage, she may be having a growth spurt or developmental stage.

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