How to have a better diet and food relationship as a LP to a fussy DD

[muffindays]

Hi people

I'm struggling with weight and food in general at the moment. Mostly due to the following reasons:

1. LP with no-one else to cook for so I am not inspired to cook (DD will not eat my food)
2. DD (age 8) is super fussy and only eats the same few bland meals
3. Lack of time to cook / prepare healthy food
4. Stress / emotional eating

I feel so bored of food and am putting on weight. I am guilty of bad habits but DD will not eat at the table with me and when I cook for us she refuses anything I've cooked.

For dinner and lunch she will eat the same few meals: ultra plain vegetables (carrots, broccoli), potato (mash / chips / jacket potato with cheese), cheese on toast, plain crackers with veg sticks, veggie sausages (2 varieties), plain rice, pizza, sweet potato chips, plain pasta or macaroni cheese (which I hate), baked tofu, rice and not much more than this. She refuses anything cooked by me, anything with sauces, curry, hummus etc. Absolutely everything gets rejected. FWIW I don't enjoy her style of foods but I probably eat them more than I should as I end up cooking two meals otherwise and I don't have the energy to cook often.

I ensure she gets decent protein at breakfast (porridge with nut butter) and fruit etc.

I love to eat healthy food but when it's just me eating it and as a LP it seems depressing to cook for just me. It is also a hassle and I don't have the energy to cook and wash up for just one person.

DD refuses to eat at the table and I don't have energy to fight. Eating at the table also adds another level of organisation, cleaning etc that I often don't feel I have the time and energy for as a LP so I don't bother often.

As a result of this I tend to snack eat toast etc and eat it myself in front of my computer.

I know this is a poor food relationship. I have tried so hard to get DD into eating other savoury foods but I don't have the energy to try any more and could cry. I don't force her, I do ask her to try, which she will but it always gets rejected.

For reference I used to be quite fussy as a child but now eat a lot more things. But I would eat some foods cooked by my parents, soup, curries etc. It seems to me that DD will only eat anything plain (pasta) or freezer foods. I don't think it's ARFID, at least it is only a mild version, but she just has very very bland food tastes.

I am so depressed and upset about it. I no longer enjoy food and eat for sustenance only. I cannot maintain my health like this and I am very upset and low about it. everything feels pointless because DD won't eat anything and we both have a dysfunctional food household. Any tips welcome.

I've also tried batch cooking and freezing but I never fancy the frozen foods or eating the same thing day in day out.

You’ve got at least three problems here.

• Not eating together.
• Your DD’s diet
• Your diet

Her (vegetarian?) diet does sound carb-heavy, does she have enough sources of iron and iodine, any leafy greens, omega 3 etc?

My dd slowly emerged from a very, very long bland fussy “phase” aged 9 onwards, although she wasn’t as restricted as your dd. Her fussiness stemmed from disliking any strong flavours or surprises. I backed right off, and she slowly agreed to try new things. I’m really not sure why, must be age-related. She has always known her own mind, and all this nonsense about keep offering and eventually they will try …. Well, no. She would sooner starve than try something she suspected would taste yucky, and I didn’t want to make mealtimes a battle (it was getting frustrating).

So, here’s what I think you do. You eat with her, you insist. You don’t have to sit at the table. Set up a picnic on the lounge floor. Have trays on your laps and watch a film together. Eat seated at the kitchen counter while you chat - I usually get dd to do her reading aloud homework while I prep the meal. But ALWAYS eat together, for now even try and eat breakfast at the same time.. Make sure you talk during the meal, put music on in the background, and enjoy your own food. The best way to encourage her, I think, is for her to see you enjoy what you eat.

And then, you still cook the same basic meal for her and you, but you jazz your version up. This is what I do with my kids, when I’m fed up of the same old thing:

For example:

ultra plain vegetables (carrots, broccoli) - Chuck them in a stir fry with a handful of cashew or peanuts (DD can pick those out). If she likes the veg soft and not at all brown, put a bit of oil and a bit of water in to cook. For cook plain rice alongside. When it’s all cooked, serves it all and quickly Chuck a handful of frozen Quorn chunks in the pan to stir fry with a good measure of quick grated ginger, tamari soy sauce, sweet chill sauce and chilli flakes. Add that in top of your portion.

potato (mash / chips / jacket potato with cheese):

cook her chips and on another tray, do a big tray of potato wedges, roasted onions red peppers and carrots for yourself.

Cook her jacket potato and for yourself make jacket sweet potato with garlic and chive cream cheese and a side salad

cheese on toast - your version can have a smear of tomato purée, thin strips of red onion in it, and make a side salad. Use English muffins instead of bread sometimes.

plain crackers with veg sticks: you have a huge salad with it.

veggie sausages (2 varieties) - grill them with some chunks of red pepper and carrot meanwhile, make up a sachet of Schwarz sausage casserole mix and stir in the sausages at the end, serve with mash for dd

plain pasta - what do you serve alongside? My dd loves plain pasta with a bowl of boiled sweet corn, peas and carrots alongside. For yourself you could use some pesto, broad beans, broccoli, toasted pine nuts too

or macaroni cheese (which I hate) - cook this for her, don’t eat it yourself then. You don’t always have to have the same thing every day, I guess.

Look on Pinterest for some quick, easy meals. You can batch cook small amounts and freeze portions individually so you can have something different each night.

Your DD doesn't have to eat at the table, but make sure she's sitting up on the floor/sofa/chair and has a tray on her lap and uses at least a fork or spoon. Eventually she'll realise it's a much better way to eat than anything else and may try sitting at the table. Does she have a children's size table and chair? If not, you may wish to look into getting one for her (FB marketplace is good for that sort of thing) Getting her into a designated space for even one meal or snack a day can help.

Get yourself some fruit and veg pre-chopped and frozen/in the fridge. You can add it to whatver you're having and it'll warm up in hot food. You'll be more likely to snack on proper food if it's ready to go- you can even get your DD helping cut up food with a butter knife/plastic knife.

Get her involved in making and trying food. Raw veggies might be more appealing than cooked, especially if she's learnt a new skill by cutting and preparing them. Carrots and Broccoli are great, you could introduce parnsips and cauliflower to see if she likes them as they're similar.

She might like apples dipped in nut butters or honey, and banana on toast maybe?

I think that by prioritising your own desire to eat healthy and tasty food you may break down your dds resistance a bit. I appreciate what you are saying about making the effort just for you but at least you get a good meal at the end of it. It may take time though.
Make your self a curry or something. Cheat with microwave rice to save effort and washing up and buy some ready made sides like naan, popadoms, onion bhaji etc (I know not the healthiest). Lay the table nicely, light a candle, turn the tv off and put some music on.
Ask ddif she would like to join you. If she will great if not just carry on. If she does join you offer her a taste of anything (doesn’t matter what). May not work but worth a shot.

It will be ok OP, keep your chin up! I think you should insist that you eat at the table together, no TV on during meals. It may be a fight but I think you should insist on it every night until it's a habit. And in the meantime don't let her take her food off to the TV (you are in charge of the tv)
I think she's old enough that she can help you with some of this. I think you should sit her down and say we are going to be making some changes:

1. she picks one dinner each week which she will help you make
2. she will try one new meal a week which you will make, and you will give her a choice between three meals
3. you eat together at the table without the TV on every night except Friday which is takeout night and you have a takeout with a movie you pick together, you can get chat pack or something similar for fun conversation ideas and have a set number you do each night (5?) Also other posters may have ideas for dinnertime "games" to make dinner more fun
4. she helps take the dishes to the sink and clean up the table, she lives in the house so she needs to contribute to the upkeep, it is everyone's job to keep it tidy

If you follow the above you would be cooking two nights a week. Can you afford a meal delivery service? They have varying levels of difficulty/cooking, some are completely ready made, others require a little chopping etc. You could get a two person plan and have one meal for dinner, one for lunch the next day.

Ultimately I think you need to try to bring a lot more joy to mealtime and have some excitement about food. I think some other posters have great ideas too!

Also I think you should listen to music or a really good podcast (suggestions from other posters?) While making dinner, I think that will help with the loneliness! You could also have a podcast night at the table, welcome to nightvale is a fun, weird one that some kids your daughter's age would like. I'm sure there are many others that are appropriate for the whole family. While you're cooking you could listen to true crime or whatever you like best though. I like "stuff you missed in history class"

Sorry to blow up your post but I had another thought. Sheet pan suppers are really easy and they have loads of cookbooks for them. It's just chopping stuff up and throwing it in the pan with some oil! You can wash the prep dishes while it roasts then the kitchen is ready for tomorrow.

There’s also that thing where food is classed as love it, like it and learning to like it. At the beginning of the summer neither of my granddaughters would eat green beans. I told them it was a learning to like it food. They would pull them apart and eat the tiny beans and mess about. But now they are familiar with them and they eat them, well three anyway and I’ll take that as a win.
It’s important for her to know about how food functions and to be involved in choosing and helping to prepare food. It’s a faff when you’re tired so probs have to do some planning at the weekend. Good luck, it’s worth battling with it now before her hormones kick in.