Mental distress, how do i calm down?

[CrimeJunkie01]

I have had a lot going on the past few months. Close bereavement, ill family member who depends on me and then 10 days ago my partner of 4 years rang me to say he had rented a house 165 miles away and moving out. He took all his things from our house last week and I literally feel like I can't breathe.

I should say, I am not suicidal. But I cannot cope. I can't calm down and don't want to do anything. I am heartbroken and have reached out for help with a therapist but it's a slow process with no support in the next week or so.

I just feel so hopeless. I have people in real life who are trying to support me but I'm just getting annoyed by them keep asking if I'm feeling better etc. I can feel myself withdrawing and shutting off from my normal support mechanisms.

I know that my relationship was rocky but this has destroyed me. People keep saying things like "look at all you've got over in the past, you will be fine". But I'm not. I don't know myself anymore and just feel a bit desperate to be honest.

I've been off work since June on sick leave and honestly am terrified to go back. How do I feel OK again?

I genuinely don't think I'm depressed, more overwhelmed and stressed out. I'm struggling to even eat.

I've been for a run, been for walks, drives, tried writing things down but nothing helps for more than a minute. I don't know what I want from this post really, but my kids are due home soon and I just don't know how I go through the motions without breaking down.

Nothing will make it better apart from time.
Keep doing little things to bring micro moments of joy or pleasure to your life. Keep running, eating well, resting, talking, crying. Allow yourself to grieve the family member and the loss of your relationship.
It’s so cliche but it really is true; time is a healer.
You just need to put one foot in front of the other at the moment.

PM me if you need a friend to chat to

Have you been to your GP? Anti depressants can help wtih anxiety and stress too. I felt like this after a break up - was so anxious I could barely breathe. Couldn't eat or sleep. Was a wreck. I was prescribed sertraline which (I think) helped.

I also did alot of yoga and meditation - every day. After a bit, things got easier. It's gradual and you don't realise that you are sleeping better, eating more and able to breathe a bit more easily.

Thanks for your replies. I am trying so hard to just get through, but I can't seem to relax. I am sure that the answer here is time, but the days seem so long and endless.

I normally feel good about the future and now I just feel dread. Like nothing is certain anymore.

I feel a bit calmer from writing this and reading the replies.

I agree about time being the thing. I had an absolutely earth shattering break up and the death of my best friend and in both cases, time just needed to pass. I never thought I'd see the day when I wasn't all consumed by those but it happened, gradually.

I would say - stay off work if it terrifies you, for now. But try to make time pass

I redecorated my house, listened to an audiobook every night, got into intricate/fiddly cookie and cake decorating, taught myself video editing - anything to keep my occupied and keep time marching along

I researched buddhism and read a bunch of self help books. Neither of those things particularly helped, but the point was again - just passing time, staying occupied, so it did help in that way

A really consuming game might help also - nothing smashes time like getting a switch and animal crossing

Then when the time comes to think about returning to work, about 4 weeks before you go back if the anxiety is still there seek some help with it if you haven't already. CBT and medication has changed my daughters life. Giving meds the time to get working is important (and sometimes needs a bit of experimentation to find the right one and right dose)

You've been through so much, basically masses of self care, health care, meantal health care, and seeking ways to make time vanish

I just feel so scared. Scared of the future, scared of being alone, scared of work, scared I'm wasting time.scared of being with another man, scared of not.

Thank you for your kind words. I have stopped crying for the time being.

Im so sorry for what you've been and are going through. Life really does throw some people a shit hand. 😕

Well done for reaching out to a therapist. That's a good start. Sertraline is a anti D that also helps with anxiety. Please go to your doctors and ask for it to be prescribed.

Also, you won't want to hear this but time is a great healer. It really is true. A few years ago, I had a multiple stillbirth, it changed my life. At first I didn't want live and then I drew strength from some where and I survived. You can and will survive a broken heart.

If Ex Dp isn't the father of your children, I suggest you delete & block him completely because it'll help you move on better.

Please look after yourself. Xxx

One thing that helps me is to talk to myself about things that I can see around me. Or I'll tell myself a story about a nice day I can remember having. It helps to be out driving when doing this or even parked up somewhere random.

I'm sorry things are so shitty right now

Also, if you haven't got a lot of concentration, try reading a book, and watching something, and maybe knit if you can and switch back between them. It's all about getting through so even five minutes of distraction is good.

gosh you poor thing. That sounds like so much to deal with and I'm really sorry that you're going through all this.

Like PP's have said, please do go and speak to your GP if you can. When I was going through divorce - years ago now! - I eventually went and broke down on my GP because I just couldn't cope but I was sure they couldn't do anything for me because I wasn't depressed, I was just having an awful time. They were brilliant and prescribed me some antidepressants which helped immensely with the awful anxiety and really helped me out of the hole I was in. I stayed on them for, I think, about seven months? Coming off them was quite tough - the physical side effects weren't great fun - but that didn't last long and because I felt so much better mentally I could really deal with it. I've never had to have them again, and it's not for everyone, but it really did help me.