I'm struggling a little at the moment, one of my cousins has just given birth and another is heavily pregnant, and they've both (so far) had very straightforward and enjoyable experiences of it. And while I'm really happy and relieved for them, I'm finding it hard not to compare their experience with my own. Which was.. not so straightforward or pleasant.
I had quite severe hyperemesis in both pregnancies (I spent a lot of time in hospital and was sick right up until giving birth), had SPD in both, my mum died of cancer 3 weeks before I gave birth to my DS, which - in combination with the hyperemesis - led to me being induced, he got stuck and they had to use ventouse. DD's birth was no less traumatic as my waters broke 10 weeks early, and her heart rate kept dropping, so I had to have an emergency c-section under general anaesthetic because the local anaesthetic didn't work and I could feel them start the c-section, then she spent the first 7 weeks or her life in SCBU. And I know I've missed stuff out too.
I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy, let alone two women who I love very much, but seeing them glowing and enjoying pregnancy with their mum by their side is so painful. I can't help thinking of what I didn't get to experience. And how, something that should have been exciting was more like a living nightmare. I know I should focus on how my DC are now healthy and happy, but I'm struggling.