Handling difficult conversations

[Sjenson21]

My job is quite demanding (HR) and I often end up on the receiving end of difficult conversations. I can respond well on email but find I get caught off guard on the phone and don’t always know how to push back or manage them well. Does anyone have any tips on dealing with difficult people and their grievances?

As a manager, the one place I would go for advice on having difficult situations was HR! There are loads of resources out there. If you work in HR can you check out CIPD?

If you are unconfident in responding immediately to someone on the phone who is agitated then you can be fine and say that you have down everything they have said and will get back to them by x time in order to give your response.

That gives you time to think about what you are going to say, make notes and feel confident when you phone them back or arrange to see them.

Yes, buy yourself time! You don't have to give an immediate response just because they're on the phone.

Definitely buy yourself time by saying you'll phone them back later with an answer.

If it's something you should just 'know' then have some pre scripted lines. Eg "The holiday policy is XYZ, this means that you can do XYZ however are not entitled to XYZ. If you have any questions please ask now".

If the person is coming across as agitated or annoyed, you can sometimes take the wind out of their sails by saying something like “yes, I can see why that is bothering you. Let me look into it, so I can get all the information I need and I will come back to you with a reply by this time.” It’s quite hard for people to continue to be off if you have been nice to them!
Does your company do any assertiveness training or course about handling difficult conversations? There might be some online ones.

I have in my head a stock response that gives me a bit of time and I think sort of innoculates the complainer into thinking that they will be heard. Is sorry, pleaded, sure

Sorry you are feeling so angry/sad/aggrieved
I’m Pleased you are able to bring this to me right now
I’m sure we can resolve this (might be a good resolution or might be tricky but I don’t go there initially

If I say that it generally sets the tone - not always though

Difficult conversations are hard and people don’t like them so great that you’re thinking of how to manage them

I hate being caught off guard. It's much better to prepare how you want the conversation to go and what you want the outcome to be, but of course when you're caught off guard on the phone this is not possible. As PP suggest, I tend to listen to their grievance and empathise, then agree to get back to them as soon as you've looked into it. I learned this after trying to blither my way through difficult chats I was not prepared for and feeling very unprofessional and disorganised.