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Original poster

I think DS's plan is madness

22 replies

ExpressDelivery · 15/08/2021 16:57

But I have to bit my tongue and let him learn, don't I?

He's 20yo, on holiday with his girlfriend a 6 hour drive from here in my car

I didn't love the idea of an inexperienced driver doing such a long drive, but there was a sensible reason they picked that destination and he has to get experience somehow. I could have refused to let him have the car, but no real reason to.

He's now realised that his shifts for next week are such that they can have an extra day. Lovely that things are going so well they want to stay.

However, the plan is not just to have an extra day where they are, it's to get up early, on the last day, drive 3 hours across country to a favourite holiday destination of ours from when he was a child, spend the day there and drive home, 6 hours, in the evening.

Again, lovely that he wants to take her to our special place, but all that driving in one day makes me nervous.

I have to bite my tounge and leave him to it though, don't I?

I'm finding this stage one of the hardest yet. In theory he's grown up and independent, but he's not while he's borrowing the car and looking to me to solve his problems when things go wrong.

OP posts:

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 15/08/2021 17:00

hmmm, 9 hours in a day is far too much.

can she drive? I'd insure her for a day so they can swap a few times

LadyCatStark · 15/08/2021 17:01

9 hours driving is too much for anyone so maybe say you’d rather he didn’t put any more miles on the car?

Original poster

ExpressDelivery · 15/08/2021 17:01

No she can't drive

OP posts:

TwinkleTwinkle11 · 15/08/2021 17:01

9 hours is a lot of driving in one day.
I've drove for 15 years now and couldn't be bothered with that.
You don't realise how tired you can sometimes and it can be dangerous.

Original poster

ExpressDelivery · 15/08/2021 17:03

@TwinkleTwinkle11

9 hours is a lot of driving in one day. I've drove for 15 years now and couldn't be bothered with that. You don't realise how tired you can sometimes and it can be dangerous.

Yes, I know all this but he's 20yo and he's already away with the car, I can't physically stop him.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 15/08/2021 17:04

I agree that 9 hours is too long to really drive in 1 day, plus there could be accidents along the way etc delaying their journey.

Would it be worth suggesting they go to the childhood memory place the day earlier and driving halfway home that evening, stopping off for the night somewhere then only having to drive 3 hours the next day, giving them time to do the unpacking etc?

I know MN would normally tell you to keep your nose out but it'd be safer for everyone.

TwinkleTwinkle11 · 15/08/2021 17:05

Yeah I wasn't telling you as if you didn't know, I was just saying saying it in general.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 15/08/2021 17:06

Could they stay another night on the way back, so he does 3+2, then 4 the next morning?

I think 9 hours is too much.

Woolver23 · 15/08/2021 17:06

Why don't you suggest they drive to the second destination at on the penultimate day (when they should have been leaving anyway) and stay overnight at the new place so at least they don't have 9 hours in the car that last day?

FunnyInjury · 15/08/2021 17:09

Its gruelling but can be done. Need to plan rest stops in though if you cant share driving.

I do it when I have to (following dc sports team) but I make sure I'm well rested in the couple of days beforehand and plan stops in advance.
Do you think he'll think of things like that?

TakeYourFinalPosition · 15/08/2021 17:10

9 hours in the car seems crazy. I’m surprised they want to do that; even at 20.

RandomMess · 15/08/2021 17:11

You can say "that's a lovely idea" but could be a hell of a journey home and leave you shattered when you go to work.

FunnyInjury · 15/08/2021 17:11

Also, my long day would start very early and I'm home in the evening rather than night time. Driving being tiring is different to being tired while driving iyswim.
Could they stay the extra night in the 2nd place?

Original poster

ExpressDelivery · 15/08/2021 17:11

They've got free accommodation where they are, so that will be one reason for staying there.

I've gone through various scenarios in my head where they could break the journey in a hotel. I'd even offer to treat them, but I can't help feeling I need to step back and stop solving his problems (even then ones he doesn't know he has).

I don't want interfere, damage my relation ship with him and GF and them end up doing it anyway. I'm already struggling with him more now than I ever have. He's mostly a good lad, but he's definitely in that "mum knows nothing" stage.

OP posts:

Original poster

ExpressDelivery · 15/08/2021 17:13

I'll think he'll be good at making sure he gets breaks. They did on the way up.

I'm half hoping her parents object. They seem to get listened to!

OP posts:

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 15/08/2021 17:13

I couldn't remember the daily limit so looked it up the rule is: "You must not drive for more than 10 hours in any working day".
if I understand that correctly then from the legal point of view it'd be ok.

And I guess 3 hours, break, 6 hours is not as bad as 9 hours in one go.
But it's far too ambitious for someone inexperienced, especially that driving back in the afternoon/evening he'd naturally get tired.

And does that include any allowance for potential traffic?
we once spent over 5 hours on a 20mins motorway stretch because of an accident.
so the 8 hour journey turned into 13hrs.
with 5 small children I don't wish that hell on anyone and DH & could swap.
A young driver practically by himself - no fucking way

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 15/08/2021 17:14

*DH & I

TheUndoingProject · 15/08/2021 17:14

Honestly I’d try and put it out of my head. You’ve got no control of the situation, they’ll do what they want anyway and all you’ll do is come across as controlling and negative. Let him learn his own lessons.

Original poster

ExpressDelivery · 15/08/2021 17:16

@TheUndoingProject

Yes, this is exactly what I'm worried about and what MN usually tells me I am!

OP posts:

1forAll74 · 15/08/2021 17:26

I would leave him be, he is old enough to make decisions for himself now.. I got used to my Son and Daughter going off doing some adventurous stuff when they were this age. They will learn about long drives, and getting tired, and maybe getting stuck in some ditches etc, whatever !

HunkyPunk · 15/08/2021 17:26

In all probability they'll be fine, and will do whatever they decide to with no dire consequences. Most people's sense of self-preservation is pretty strong, even with the rose-tinted specs of youth! All you can do is voice your reservations at the amount of driving in one day - say you wouldn't dream of it, and that he'll need plenty of caffeine - then you'll have to step back.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2021 17:36

I agree. I’ve done longer than that myself and it’s exhausting without all the site seeing in between. He’ll be doing some of it in the dark, I imagine. Can you suggest they go in a few weeks or so for a weekend or something? If he’s still adamant, perhaps a text with a link on signs of feeling sleepy and what to do.

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