Going no contact with mum

[helpwithncmum]

I am close to my mum (56) and have always been but she is an alcoholic.

She's been this way all my life. A binge drinker it can be weeks between drinking at times. She's had numerous injuries and occasions of walking the streets drunk. I've had to go collect her because neighbours have seen her walking about.

I thought she had finally given up for good but today found out she's been drinking behind my back. I feel so defeated and I don't think I can have it in my life anymore. I've tried to ignore it and not get involved but where we live is small and I don't want to be that woman who's mum was chucked out the pub for fighting or have taxi drivers telling me she owes money so I sort it out. I also worry that she's going to die either in an accident (she's form for drink driving) or not being able to wake up if she's sick or there is a fire.

I feel like my only option is to walk about for my own mental health and well as my kids. I've developed some kind of ptsd type thing where as soon she she gets drunk I get panic attacks. But I feel like I'm just leaving her to drunk herself to death and feel awful not allowing her to see the kids, she never drinks around them but I know when they are older she will. I went nc with my sister for similar reasons and have low contact with my dad just because he's not very interests in us so I don't chase him anymore. If I cut my mum off I have no family left but to be honestly she brings nothing but stress and worry for me.

Can anyone tell me how they handle alcoholic family.

I don’t have alcoholic family so sorry that I can’t add any personal experience.

I would say though that it sounds as though you have spent long enough sorting out issues for her (paying text drivers).

Do you feel you would be able to manage very low contact with strict boundaries? such as only meet once a month for dinner at a cafe and only sober. Or do you not think that would be possible?

I think if you feel no contact is right for your mental health you need to trust yourself and have the confidence to do what is right for you.

Thanks for answering Whatinthelord I've tried but she drags me back in particularly uses my kids to wiggle back in. I don't seem to be able to keep the boundary.

Have you contacted Al Anon?

I'd suggest contacting a support network like alanon. They will tell you that her drinking and the consequences of her drinking are not your problem. You fixing her messes is actually enabling her to continue drinking. Sadly with alcoholics you have to just leave them to it , it's their choice and nothing you can do will ever make them stop. They will use all sorts to blackmail you and draw you back in. They will lie and manipulate, that's the addiction.

I went no contact for similar reasons plus her untreated mental health issues. It's been painful but I have to put my child first. I cant have him forming a relationship with someone so out of control. There is nothing in it for him and having her in.my life damages my mental health which makes me a less responsive mother. When in doubt put the children first. I have terrible guilt but the PTSD is slowly ebbing away with therapy. I feel I have duty to raise my child with as little chaos as possible regardless of how painful that might be for me or my mother. Your mother has choices a d she is choosing drink. You have choices too!

Have you contacted Al Anon?

I haven't but I will certainly look into it.

Dmsandfloatydress

You have nailed how I feel about my kids I don't want to chaos. My niece and nephew have now witnessed it it's only a matter of time before mine do too.