So my family has gone abroad with out me

[Southernbellenot]

Well he is actually my ex since last November but I've just had a FaceTime around the hotel that he and the kids are staying in.

I'm sat here thinking WTF happened to my family?

We are both fantastic parents but he grew in to his dad. its a family theme. Devorce and the men folk are amazing parents - not like the workaholics that you married.

He text me from the airport that he was really upset I wasn't going - first time ever shown any remorse since the spit. I can't blame it on that he has to deal with kids full time as historically he put a shift if in on holiday whilst I chilled

We split up at the beginning of lockdown, loads of family issues and he is a compulsive liar. he has also put on six stone since I met hims sex went out the window

the kids don't stay at his as its unsuitable ( but its no hassle to me) but he sees them daily, he's taken this summer out of office ( has his own business) and looks after the kids at mine.

Even has his morning shower here. whilst I go to work ( my own business)

A few months ago his "girlfriend' rang me up to see if he was cheating on her. She was pushing he told me about her to mke it Facebook official as she was due to meet my kids ( six weeks in) - That never happened as when he found out she had phoned me he binned it off

He is still heavily contributing to the bills on my house, my family are saying, 'he is a good lad'

I don't fancy him
He is a compulsive liar
He really doesn't Gove a shit about me - too many tales where I've needed urgent medical help and he hasn't been there.

So why the fuck am I 'missing my family'. He has shown me multiple time he doesn't give a shit about me.Like literally .

Why am I going through different senerio why I would take him back when I dont really want to? When I dreamed of being wit the kids alone, but know I feel alone its empty?

Probably because the house is quiet. Next time he takes the kids away book something for yourself to keep you occupied.

You need to put proper distance between you two it feels like there are far too many blurred lines unless you seperate properly how can you move on? You will be forever stranded in the half in half out zone

In the meantime ignore his fishing attempt go out and enjoy yourself or do something just for you alone even if its get drunk and dance in your pants

I am reading. Just feels weird as my kids are gone

It feels less weird as time goes on, truly. The first times it’s important to book things for yourself, preferably out of the house.

I’d also review how much time he’s spending at your home, including key things like showers and meals. He’s still effectively ‘annexed’ to your home and rhythms. Lack of boundaries are prolly adding to your blues, and holding you back.

Once you have your home to yourself, properly, the opportunities and freedoms emerge. It took a few months for me, but I’d never go back now! Just this week I put in a new boundary- no using his key in my door when dropping off or supervising at my place (unless it’s agreed beforehand say, if I’m not here). He can knock, like everyone else who doesn’t live here. Little things make a huge difference.

If your ex is in your house most days, you may feel subconsciously that your effectively still living with him. As already said, blurred lines.

Can you do anything about that ?