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Original poster

Divorce, co-parenting

18 replies

StarsStarStars · 14/08/2021 22:19

My husband started the divorce, he was unhappy that I went ahead with the third pregnancy ( he never was interested in children anyway). I can’t imagine how I can possibly co- parent with him... he doesn’t respect me, tells lies, he was undermining me for years...never helped with children or around the house, his excuse was he was working long hours, he is rarely back from work before 10 pm, now he is cheating on me, but refusing to move out... I don’t have any family close by. It would be lovely if we could share looking after children, but I can’t see how.. what is happening now, it’s he picks and chooses when he want to see children, he gives me rarely any notice... ,often he would just ring and tell me to take children to his mother, when it suits them. He picks good bits like going out for a day with older children, expecting me to do all washing and cleaning before and after etc. I just feel it’s so unfair.. is there any agreement we can sign as part of the divorce, to clarify who does what? Thank you

OP posts:
PumpkinKlNG · 14/08/2021 22:20

You can’t force him to do anymore than he wants to.

GrandmasCat · 14/08/2021 22:24

I am afraid that the agreements that you can sign are about providing access, but you cannot really get him to do anything he is not interested in doing.

Personally, I have found it far easier to parent on my own, than wasting so much time and energy on nagging and disappointments.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/08/2021 22:24

Does he actually want to co parent? Sounds like he'll lose interest pretty quickly and won't bother keeping contact. I had a useless father as a child and life was much better when I stopped seeing him entirely.

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Original poster
StarsStarStars · 14/08/2021 22:34

Yes, I think he wants to spend weekends with boys, mainly around his hobby. I would prefer to do it on my own though..

OP posts:
GrandmasCat · 14/08/2021 22:39

What I have found out is that if your ex is irresponsible, trying to put some structure in place only achieves one of two things:

  1. he becomes more difficult for the sake of showing he has the final say

  2. He loses interest on seeing the children or disappears but blames the lack of contact on his ex “being difficult”

Original poster
StarsStarStars · 14/08/2021 22:40

What’s the access? Sorry I don’t know much about divorce

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 14/08/2021 22:41

Firstly do get legal advice.

He doesn't get to have every weekend.

Co parenting is 2 parents working together. You can't make him.

Original poster
StarsStarStars · 14/08/2021 22:48

He wouldn’t work together with me...he follows his own agenda, I never know when he is coming or going.. if I want to leave the house, leaving him with children he gets very stressed and calls his mother..,my lawyer talks about the parental plan, but it’s for people who wants to cooperate...

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 14/08/2021 22:55

You need to set in stone when he should be seeing the children he doesn't get every weekend it should be split so you get equal time with the children and one person isn't the "fun" parent and the other the "daily drudge" parent ultimately its up to him if he complys or not I found phrases such as "that doesn't work for the children" and "no im not going to agree with that" useful

A contact schedule is just that a time when you make the children available he doesn't have to see them you cannot force it

Can you leave with the children or is it a joint house?

GrandmasCat · 14/08/2021 22:55

Access is just that, putting in writing when and how contact will take place.

Such agreements mean the resident parent is to make the kids available to the other parent on certain days, just that, but if he doesn’t feel like showing up for contact as expected there is nothing you can do.

Original poster
StarsStarStars · 14/08/2021 23:03

Unfortunately i have no close family near by, so have nowhere to go with children, also we have a joint mortgage. His mother has a 4 beds/ 3 Baths house for herself, 5 min away, not sure why he wouldn’t go..

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 14/08/2021 23:21

@StarsStarStars

Unfortunately i have no close family near by, so have nowhere to go with children, also we have a joint mortgage. His mother has a 4 beds/ 3 Baths house for herself, 5 min away, not sure why he wouldn’t go..
Because making life easy for you serves no purpose for him

Can you discuss an occupation order with your solicitor?

coodawoodashooda · 14/08/2021 23:22

Its a nightmare.

Original poster
StarsStarStars · 14/08/2021 23:29

Yes, I know, in fact he wants to make my life difficult, he told me that a year ego....

He is in his best behaviour at the moment (apart from cheating...), but I suppose I can..

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 15/08/2021 00:19

The only thing that is good is that you do get a rest now and again. Picking up the pieces when they get home is a different matter.

Original poster
StarsStarStars · 15/08/2021 00:36

He is very unorganised... I can’t see how I can get a rest.., also he is incapable and unwilling to look after the baby... but it would be lovely if I could.. .

OP posts:
Original poster
StarsStarStars · 15/08/2021 00:40

If it will be an OO issued against him, he will stop payment the mortgage..

OP posts:
Original poster
StarsStarStars · 15/08/2021 08:07

Thank you fo everyone who’s replied. Lots to think about..

OP posts:
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