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Advice on supporting DD’s friend?

4 replies

Stath · 14/08/2021 11:41

DD was in hospital (MH) earlier this year. She made a friend (who I’ll call F) there who she kept in touch with.

As time has passed it’s come to light that F has had an appalling abusive childhood.
We’re talking attempted arranged marriage at 12, frequent beatings (one resulting in her being in a coma but was brushed off as an ‘accident’) and general emotional abuse and neglect.

After F was discharged she, obviously, didn’t want to return to her family home and was staying at her boyfriend’s parents’ house.

This has been a disaster and her boyfriend has hurt her physically a few times too.
She has a social worker who seems as much use as a chocolate teapot and F doesn’t want to ‘make a fuss’. F was supposed to move to a flat/supported living place but nothing seems to be happening.

Obviously I’m not privy to all the information but we’d like to offer support.
F is obviously a victim of DV (both family and bf) so we’re going to support her contacting WA/Refuge.
If we had the room then we’d let her stay until she got on her feet but as it is we can let her come over for a couple of days here and there (like other friends of the kids who have sleepovers etc).
She’s coming today and I’ve asked her to bring any paperwork/documents as she’s happy for me to advocate for her.

This poor kid has been let down so much. It’s like she’s been conditioned to not put her head above the parapet for fear of reprisals Sad and she’s only 16.

Has anyone got any professional and or sage advice?

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 14/08/2021 11:46

Can you contact safeguarding / pastoral support through school or college? Or make contact with the SW yourself? I would think that the best route is to engage with the professionals that are supposed to be helping her rather than try to give too much support yourself - unless you are willing to effectively foster her which is what I could see happening.

Stath · 14/08/2021 11:55

Yeah, we definitely want to be a ‘catalyst’ as opposed to anything more involved. F is enrolling in a new college so encouraging her to speak to their safeguarding person/pastoral team is a good idea.
I know there’s specialised DV support charities/3rd sector for bame women which might be of use too.
Think we’re going to sit down and write a list of goals (immediate and longer term) and what she can do to achieve them?

OP posts:
CheesusWept · 14/08/2021 12:05

karmanirvana.org.uk/
This organisation helps those facing 'honour' based violence or arranged marriages.
They may be able to point you in the right direction.

Stath · 14/08/2021 12:37

Thanks @CheesusWept

OP posts:
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