Passive aggressive ex… any tips?

[Freddiefox]

Hi, anyone any tips on how to deal with the comments? And ‘the I’m just saying’ and the snide digs?

The ex is one of life’s victims and like to portray me as the aggressor, particularly for ‘taking his children away’

He was abusive, and he now tries to get to me through the children.
He pays no Money. I was providing and washing all the clothes for when the dcs were with him.
He is unemployed.
I’ve stopped providing clothes, gave him notice that I wasn’t providing clothes unless he contributes to the children.

The comments he makes to the children include:

Mummy won’t let you bring any clothes.

I’m sorry you have to wear the same clothes again, mummy wouldn’t give daddy any.

Can you ask mummy to let you bring some clothes along?

Sorry you can’t go on a bike ride, mummy won’t share the bikes.

He states this as fact, which it is. I won’t share the bikes that I purchased, because he leaves them in the rain and they rust. But obviously he leaves that part out because it doesn’t fit his narrative.

I don’t want to bad mouth him to the children all the time. How do I deal with him?

Is there any point in going through CMS to get him to contribute the minimum?

Are the kids staying with him and that's when you won't provide them with clothes? What are they supposed to do? Do they stay in the same clothes for a few days? That seems a bit grim and you're punishing them for his behaviour.

You can't change him, either ignore or give your side of the story to the kids when they mention it - depending on their age would depend on my response.

Not sure it’s worth the hassle with cms while he hasn’t got a job.

With the clothes, he doesn’t bring them back, so I’ll give him school uniform for the Monday, and clothes for the weekend and it doesn’t get returned, so they end up with nothing to wear here.

So I either have to buy new stuff or keep nagging him to bring them round which causes more conflict. But I can’t afford to buy more and more clothes.

It does feel like I’m punishing them. But I don’t know what else to do.

He always has money for the pub.

I'd go through CMS anyway - principle more than anything. He SHOULD be contributing - what does he think they live on? As for clothes, if you can afford it, I'd do a swoop on Primark - 3/4 outfits, pants etc for each child. Give him the lot, in front of the kids. Make a big deal - here are the clothes I'm giving to Daddy for you to wear at his. Uniform - one set of non logoed stuff for the day they go with him. Do it twice a year, winter and summer. Things like bikes etc are tricky because it can look petty but I totally get you and why you don't want to let them go - I've had similar issues. If the kids are old enough you could say, you can take the bike but YOU must bring it in if daddy doesn't. If that doesn't happen, it doesn't go again. You shouldn't have to do it but you can't force someone to be a decent co-parent.