Another family drama, I'm sorry, but I've had three migraines this week, the one on Wednesday so severe that I still feel woozy and sick and delicate.
Dad's funeral is on Monday. We've waited a couple of weeks for him to be ready for chapel visits, finally on Wednesday we were told he'd be ready from yesterday.
I wasn't sure I wanted to see him. I spent hours with him after he died, and was still warm, still 'him'.
Yesterday mum told me she wanted to go down to take some things for his coffin, also it was the deadline to pay 50% of the funeral. She wanted me to come, so I went with her.
The FD asked if we wanted to see him, mum asked me to come in, I did. I couldn't look to start with, but did when mum asked for help putting on a bangle and pendant. His face looked peaceful, but he was cold and hard, different to when he died. His fingers had gone blackish. I've seen my youngest and my brother dead, so knew what to expect, but had been there seconds after dad died (he was alive when mum answered the door to me), so it was different.
This morning the FD phoned me. My sister wanted to visit. I was confused as my son & nephew both had appointments and I wasn't phoned.
Dsis had kicked off. Apparently we shouldn't have gone without her. The FD wanted to know if we'd allow her to go as she was very angry and upset on the phone (not sure what she said), I was also told that an inventory had been taken of items in the coffin and would be checked after she'd been.
Dsis phoned me. She said that she told tFD she'd happily run people over and kill them, told my mum she'd break mum's dog's neck, etc.
I tried to explain to Dsis that it wasn't sidelining her. I hadn't planned it. Dsis was 'busy' yesterday so thought we should have waited to go till today, together. I tried to explain that the FD had to be paid yesterday, that it wasn't planned.
I offered to go with Dsis, to wait outside to give her moral support, but she's worried about driving if she was upset after. This is illogical, as neither mum nor me drive, so it would be the same anyway.
I said that my son was going at a later time if she wanted to go with him...no.
She's told me she will ask one of her friends as they at least care about her...she's done this before, played the victim and her friends all dislike me due to it.
She also threw in that it was the same last year when we went to see Dbro. Except we went together. Mum, dad, my son, her, me and my daughter. The only thing I can think of, was I didn't want to go in with her, I wanted to go and see Dbro alone, but she kicked off saying I was selfish, that I had no right to see Dbro alone. She went to see Dbro alone the next day as well, and I didn't get mad.
I feel a bit fragile. She's not helped much. I registered the death, contacted the bank, checked on mum, helped with clothes for dad, etc. I've bought a dad stand out of my own money for Dsis and me.
I feel battered. I do understand why she feels that way, but to be honest, my concern is with mum. She's lost her son and husband of 53 years in one year. She is emotionally upside down.
I honestly didn't try to cut dsis out, but she's been absent and will only want to do times that suit her, which is fine, but if mum needed to pay yesterday, then I'm going to go with her if she asks.
The last two Sundays Dsis has had parties for her birthday, whilst I've been getting more and more depressed.
How can I heal this? I've tried to message her, apologised and explained, but she won't talk to me now.