Nervous driver and motorways

[Gangreeeeen]

I'm looking for tips, specifically on how the hell to join a motorway safely. It may be that I'm unlucky in my local motorway being a building site for a smart motorway with a joining ramp with 2 seconds to decide whether to live or die, but I just don't GET it.

I look in the mirrors, and over my shoulder, but how do you judge the speed of the traffic and whether to merge without running out of lane, slowing down or crashing into the barrier?

I've managed to do it 3 times and it is terrifying. I really want to take a 3 hour trip up 3 motorways but I cannot pluck up the courage :(

As a practical suggestion, try practising on busy dual carriageways.

But really, you shouldn’t be going on a motorway if you don’t know how to drive on one.

When I first got a car (seven or so years after passing my test,) I took a motorway lesson, because I grew up in Dorset, and having previously only driven my parents' car, had never driven on one, nor travelled on them much at all. So in your situation, that's what I'd do now, with the caveat that it's apparently very difficult to find driving instructors with spare slots currently.

My DD passed her test a while ago but didn't drive at all while at uni. So DH is taking her out for practice, but before she went on the motorway he did some drives where he demonstrated how he judged the speed etc. Do you have anyone who'd do that for you OP, talk you through it?

Otherwise, can you find a way to get to a motorway slip which isn't so short?

I had the same thought as Errol. Could you join the motorway at a different junction? It does sound like the junction you've used so far is a particularly tricky one due to the ongoing works.

You could have a motorway driving lesson?

I agree - have a look for an easier slip road to practice on and gain confidence. Yours sounds a bit stressful.

I totally get it though - I've been driving 3 years and I'm totally fine with motorways now, but still feel a bit 'yikes' about the slip roads. It's always been fine, but I'm always a bit anxious that other drivers won't move over in time and I'll have to slam the brakes on. Like I say, it's always been fine though and never happened. I think most people will move over or adjust their speed to let you in.

I booked a motorway lesson (actually on the M27, as I lived in Dorset at the time, and that was the nearest one) almost immediately after passing my test. My instructor (same one that taught me to drive in the first place), taught me about joining from slip roads, overtaking slower vehicles, and driving in the correct lane for the presenting information (but usually the slowest lane, unless it is so busy that you would have to be always moving into the middle lane to achieve 70 mph, or unless it is the lane for leaving the motorway at an upcoming junction. Another legitimate reason for not staying in the nearside lane is if it would make it difficult for traffic joining the motorway from any given sliproad. The outside lane is purely for overtaking, and should be vacated as soon as your manoeuvre is complete).

I massively felt like this and it put me off the motorway but with enough practice I don’t even think about it any more - I would say that you just need to tell yourself that you will get on and people will move for you.

Thanks everyone, a motorway lesson sounds a really good idea, I'll make some enquiries!
I learned to drive in London 7 or 8 years ago, then didn't drive for a long time. I had little practice drives but always felt nervous. Recently got my own car and feel so much more confident after driving around town a lot. So in my head I know I just need practice. I do have another motorway I can join which I think doesn't have roadworks, so I'll ask DP to take me that way and I can familiarise myself with it. The other one is terrifying and also involves miles of narrow lanes 50mph limit. Sort of a baptism of fire really. But that's the way the interesting things all are !

I had a motorway lesson as soon as I passed my test. It was very useful. I always find motorways easier because you don't have to worry much about oncoming traffic. I think I was lucky though that where I lived meant I'd done merging onto busy non-motorways a fair bit already.

I feel exactly the same! I've been driving for 16 years and avoid motorways, think I've joined a motorway only about 8 times in all those years. What do you actually do if no one let's u in?

Anyway, I think it's a self esteem thing for me at a deeper level, I feel that I'm muscling in in front of someone and I shouldn't be doing that. I suppose I need to work on my confidence that I've just as much right to be here as someone else. Do you have any aspect of that in your thoughts, or is it purely the logistics of space and time to make moves? I'm not sure if I need cbt/hypnosis/motorway lessons!

I would also recommend motorway driving lessons. I had several 8 years ago as I had passed my test 6 years before and not driven on a motorway. The teacher was great and said more drivers should do proper lessons on how to drive appropriately on a motorway.

Even though I still hate motorways and avoid if possible (M6 is my nearest and full of people doing stupid and dangerous things) I know what I need to do.

I would also suggest trying to join at a different junction (some the slip road turns into it's own lane anyway) but do practise overtaking and changing lanes once on the motorway because that will help judge the speed of other traffic Sometimes you have to move lane anyway if the left hand lane becomes a merger or exit lane (that you dont want to use!)

I find it quite off putting when there are lots of cones, signs, warnings and apparently nothing actually happening The other day there were loads of cones at the side of the road next to a verge that you wouldnt drive on anyway. I found it unnecessarily distracting because I see cones and my mind will be getting ready that I will need to be "guided" or prompted to do something different to usual!

I would also echo posters saying to get a couple of motorway lessons. I avoided the motorway (and driving tbh) for quite a few years after passing my test as I didn’t need a car at uni & then had quite good transport where I lived. We then moved further out into the Peak District and I realised if I didn’t sort it I’d be forever stuck making 90minute journeys by public transport rather than 30min drives! But was very anxious and unsure. Had 5 lessons (I probably needed fewer but I wanted to be absolutely sure 😂), bought a car the following week, and just last week (2 years on from my lessons - obvious caveat of pandemic in the middle) drove all the way to London and back on my own. Those lessons changed my life!

A couple of things DH has been pointing out to DD.... one is that other drivers really don't want to crash into you, and do know that people on slip roads need to get on. And the other is that the speed limit on lorries is limited to 60 so if you can get a bit above that on the slip road (normal ones, may be difficult on ultra short ) then you can get in ahead.

It does take some practice and confidence because you do need to match the traffic speed, then you're adjusting a small difference in relative velocity to fit in the gaps by speeding up or dropping back a bit.

I did 6 hours of Pass Plus entirely focused on motorways and it was well worth it.

Roadworks can add in a lot of visual clutter to process, but the reduced speeds can be helpful.

Getting to speed is relative to what's on the road. Trucks will be towards 60mph, but may make sighting a gap trickier in heavy conditions. Free flowing cars may be faster but have bigger gaps. Sight your gap and aim to be about the speed of the vehicles. Don't worry about the absolute speed, just being at a similar pace.
If a sliproad is tight, keeping to a lower gear for an extra burst of acceleration can help (my earlier cars were a little under-powered)

After overtaking, I was taught to pull in when you can see the overtaken vehicle in your rear view mirror as you've then given it sufficient stopping distance. (Still not forgiven the twat that sliced in narrowly on an empty road flinging a stone up that cracked the windscreen)

Some good tips here thank you. I do feel it is a visual thing for me, I can't look in the mirror quickly and be really sure there's nothing there, and if there is, how far away it is to make that quick decision? The first time I did it I was looking over my shoulder so much I almost touched the barrier on the left. This has dented my confidence somewhat.

I am trying to get into my head that noone wants to crash into me, and it's not like everyone is crashing in to eachother when joining all the time. So it should be fine. I think experience is the only way to fix it then. But lessons may help me understand all the what if scenarios.

I'm planning on having a little go now in the other direction to get to a sainsburys. If there's a big pile up on the M3, that was me.

Oh p.s. I have an automatic, 1.2L so not so much control and confidence on speeding up, but it only seems to suffer on a hill so it's not too bad fairly nippy.

Yep, only experience will help you judge the speed of other cars which is the key to you merging. As others have said, practice either on a road that's not as busy, or on your motorway junction at a quieter time (such as early evening). No point "practising" if the road is empty as that teaching you nothing and gives you no experience, you've just got to find a junction that has traffic, but not nose-to-tail.

Once you've had a bit of practice, you need to teach yourself to be "assertive". NB NOT aggressive - there's a difference! You need the confidence to spot a gap and go for it. Worst thing for a driver, and drivers around them is indecision and dithering.

I've never been on the motorway not even during a driving lesson I've been driving for 18 months. I don't have the confidence to attempt it so I wouldn't. My car is an old banger anyway so I wouldn't take it on the motorway but if I ever get a new car that is more reliable then I'd like to be able to drive the motorway, I didn't spend all that money learning go drive to stay local . I'll probably get my stepdad to take me out to practise or pay for some lessons I definitely won't ever attempt it unless I'm 100% confident.

I'm a bit concerned about all this "other drivers moving over" or slowing down... you do realise that drivers already on the motorway have priority? Nobody has to slow down or move over for oncoming traffic and if you are expecting them to you could cause a nasty accident.

The onus is on the person joining the motorway to adjust their speed and slip into a gap. It isn't always possible to move out of the inside lane if the motorway is busy. We've had scary incidents when people coming on expect everyone else to get out of the way and there is someone immediately level in both outer lanes. Ideally you shouldn't be braking at all.

As soon as you hit the slip road, scope out a gap and speed up or slow down to be level with the gap. Then just adjust your speed accordingly to remain level with it, indicate and slot in.

Mine is 1.2 automatic and I don't have a problem joining. Practice on a motorway junction where there is a long slip road as some are ridiculously short.