Friend’s DD telling tales about DS

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Friend’s DD(7 next week) has been friends with my DS(6) since they were 3. I’ll call friend’s DD Jane.

Jane has always been one for telling her parents everything that happens at nursery and school. Her parents say that she thinks she’s an adult, and wants everyone to do things her way or she turns on the tears and screaming/tantrums.

Jane and my DS have been good friends since they were 3 but increasingly I’m finding that Jane constantly tells tales / gives me a running commentary about DS and I’m finding it quite irritating. I also don’t get why a child of nearly 7 is so nosy and obsessed with trivia about what another child does I.e when we meet up she will come over to me to tell me:

DS isn’t drinking the water you bought him
DS is eating with his mouth open (WIP on this but Jane does the same!)
DS is wearing sandals today but it’s not that hot. Why is he wearing sandals?
Why hasn’t DS eaten all his lunch?
Why did DS bring that toy with him today
DS is playing with the Lego figure when he’s sitting on the roundabout
Why hasn’t DS put his coat on
Why is DS not going on the climbing frame
DS is scooting too fast (he’s not)

The above is just a smaller sample - it’s just content, trivial crap. Ignoring doesn’t help, if she doesn’t like my answer she just repeats the question over and over.

Also, Jane has also never learnt to play by herself (parents say this) so the latest is her coming over to me at the park crying hysterically saying that DS isn’t playing with her anymore. What has actually happened is that they might have gone down the slide a dozen times together and then DS has wandered over to the swings/roundabout etc. She demands that I tell DS to go back to the slide. Basically she only wants DS to play on the equipment that she chooses otherwise she starts crying and sometimes screaming. At a play date at my house she turns on the tears if he starts playing with a different toy, wailing that he’s not playing with her. She’s even banged on the door when I’ve been in the toilet howling that he’s not playing with her anymore, when all he’s actually done is stand up to go and have a drink before returning to the toy/game.

I’ve noticed DS is starting to find this irritating and I certainly am. No one else’s DC behave like this with DS - play ebbs and flows, chop and change equipment at the playground and no one gets upset .

My friend just smiles at her DD. In the past I’ve gently and politely responded to Jane that “DS can play on other equipment if he wants to” or “DS will have a drink when he’s ready” but she just continues to cry and sometimes actually has a tantrum. Surely I shouldn’t be expected to haul my DS off the swings and return him to the slide etc? It’s not like he’s run off with other kids - he just gravitates around the playground like most kids do.

Is she an only child? I have looked after 3 girls over the years that were exactly-i mean exactly as you describe-they all ended up not having any friends because parents literally did nothing to stop it-the only good thing was they seemed to outgrow it and find a sense of humour when they got to around 9/10 years of age 😂 they were all mini me’s if their parents.
What I did is to persistently point out that telling tales on people is not very nice.Thst other children will not want to play with you unless you let them play how they want to etc.Easier for me as I was staff and not a friend of the parents! You might honestly have to suck it up and let it wash over you.Or keep saying it’s your son’s choice not to play on such and such-stop telling tales etc.although be prepared for your friend to get upset by it!

My DC had a friend like this. The parent was either completely passive or would say to my child things like ‘Jane’s upset you aren’t on the slide, go back on the slide’.
In the end we just stopped seeing them because I couldn’t be bothered being a referee the entire time.

Maybe Jane just isn't socially advanced enough to deal with the situations that your son finds easy. That's what it sounds like to me, immaturity.

It sounds like Olive in the 44 Scotland Street books!

You just need to be firm. There are always children like this. Say I don't want to hear about that thanks, no bossing about please, that's not kind, we don't do that. She will find your interfering very annoying and will probably try to insist your child plays out of earshot. Follow and make clear you're all over this. She will play your game to get you out of the way.

It is ok to say to the mum that Jane doesn't seem to be liking playing with DS at the moment so let's not meet up with the children, let's do evening adult get togethers instead. (Unless you cba to do adults only meetings in which case just say Jane doesn't seem to be enjoying play dates with DS, let's knock it on the head)

@Mollymalone123 yes she’s an only child. My DH also says she’ll end up with no friends if she continues telling tales as she gets older and other kids become more aware.

I’m glad it’s not just me that has come across this situation and behaviour. I’ll just politely and firmly try and re-buff her without hopefully not upsetting my friend.

I would reply in a very neutral way to all of that, or tell her to go off and play.

Smile and pat her on the head and say, “It’s none of your business what XXXX does.” Then ignore any other bleatings from her.

id reply with "ok, but you dont need to tell me everything he does", or "come on, dont tell tales, thats your friend"

Not all of those examples are tell tales. Things like "Why has he brought that with him?" the easy response is "I don't know, why don't you ask him?"

Her parents say that she thinks she’s an adult.
I had one like that. She's now an adult and wishing she was back to the carefree life of a child.
Thing is, what I realised was it is actually immaturity. Because adults don't snub or rebuff in the way a child does when faced with it, they choose to be round the adults etc because they get a nicer reaction.
It depends partially if the parents are saying this with a sense of pride (in which case it may be very difficult to get across to them that it's not good) or concern. If it's concern then maybe you can work with them, to try and get her to realise child time/adult time and times to tell, times to not tell etc. Not your job, but if you want to.

A girl my son plays with does this. She also complains when he doesn't play exactly how she wants him to.

They're both only children so I put it down to that. It's bloody annoying though!

Sounds like immaturity and her social skills are a bit lacking. Agree as pp said to firmly say you are not interested etc.

My son has a cousin the same age who does this with the added if I eat this my ds can’t have it or I want to do this but my ds can’t. The other child is an only child and it irritates me as his mum lets him be rude. I try to avoid as much as possible because he’s annoying and my ds has literally done nothing.

Why not take a little time off from playing with her? I bet your son would like a little break. When I was a nanny and the kids would tattle about petty/insignificant stuff I would say "you don't need to worry about what x is doing, worry about what you're doing" or "x's lunch/shoelaces/water bottle are not your business" sometimes you have to just repeat that forever

Oh my lord, fuck that for a bag of soldiers. I would reduce play dates ASAP, if the mother questions it I would be honest say you’re son is finding Jane difficult to play with and hopefully that will encourage her to sort her out.

I would also answer any tell tales with ‘I’m not interested’ then turn away and any complaints DS isn’t playing/doing what she wants with ‘DS is allowed to play how he likes your welcome to join in’