Has anyone ever had child with minimal symptoms diagnosed with ASD?

[GobbleGobbleGoose]

I have two primary aged DS and a baby. DS1 (and DH) are diagnosed as autistic. DS1 is very ‘obviously’ autistic. DH struggles with communication and other traits but otherwise manages.

We have always presumed DS2 to be NT but
more recently we find ourselves wondering if he is also on the spectrum. We are unsure whether to pursue a diagnosis or not. We have a meeting next week with the stage 1 team to discuss DS2 and whether he would be suitable to refer on to the ASD pathway. We have waited a long time for this appointment but now I’m having doubts that they will dismiss us.

DS2 has friends, plays sport and likes to be around other DC he knows. His teachers have no worries about him.

On the other side, he has a temper and bangs his head off walls, he is very very very fond of cars and how they work, he is often on high alert, he shuts down when upset, he takes things at face value, he needs to be constantly entertained, he never (!) sits still and shows very little emotion when it would be expected such as something exciting, he talks in a baby voice at times and he continually taps his fingers on his face.

Does this sound like things an NT child would do? Should we keep the appointment?

Def keep the appointment, I think. These meetings are about exploring what’s best for the child. It can always be put on ice if you need to wait for further evidence.

Keep the appointment, even if it is just to rule it out. My dd had a late diagnosis at 16 and her child hood before high school was relatively 'normal' but traits came fast around age 13 and looking back the signs were there. I wish we had known early to get her the right support.

@Foobydoo would you mind sharing what traits you found around age 13?

Keep the appointment, definitely. By the time we finally had our appointment I had talked myself into believing I was wasting everyone’s time with our DS. I wasn’t. They are the experts.

The things you mention could be asd, or a red herring, but with a strong family connection it would be worth erring on the side of caution and keeping the appointment.

Autism is a spectrum so your DS2 may just have difficulties in different areas than your DS1, possibly areas not so obvious to people not trained in ASD but will be very obvious to the ASD experts who assess your DS if they're there. That's the whole point of having an ASD assessment. We can have our suspicions as parents but only someone who has spent years studying how ASD presents in children can make an actual diagnosis. I would suggest you attend the appointment with an open mind and just see what they say rather than try to second guess it as if your DS2 does have ASD you definitely want to pursue a diagnosis if possible.

We will keep the appointment. I worry that we will just look a bit silly

My 27 year old son definitely displayed signs of being on the spectrum when he was about 3 but thankfully there wasn’t the awareness then . He is a really lovely sensitive adult and I am so grateful that I didn’t stress about him as a child ..he is stupidly intelligent and has so many friends..He probably is on the spectrum but he is a lovely functioning adult 💕

You won't look silly < arm squeeze >
You are already adapting, being responsive, without realising, I'll bet, esp with already doing this with ds1. You almost won't know the adjustments you have put in place!

Good luck with the meeting. Don't hesitate to ask questions on here, lots of us have experience and whatnot.

Your son sounds quite similar to mine. What is he like in new social situations? Does he naturally give eye contact? My son was assessed for autism and then diagnosed with Social Communication Disorder. He performs well at school and plays well with children we know, including in sports teams. But he struggles to give eye contact, he learns everything about whatever he’s interested in and he has high energy all the time. He also struggles to be away from his familiar. His Educational Psychologist described his as “borderline” and said although he doesn’t need any additional support now (he’s 8), he may do in the future. You won’t sound silly, you’re a mum who is naturally concerned about her child. SCD might be worth looking into.

My ds1 (7) is very similar to what you describe OP, and Pinkchocolate. I thought it's part of his sensitive/stubborn personality. Never done anything so following with interest.

[quote GobbleGobbleGoose]@Foobydoo would you mind sharing what traits you found around age 13?[/quote]
She started to struggle at 11 with the transition to secondary school. Her problems then were ADHD related stuff like not sitting still, losing equipment and getting in trouble for not handing in homework even though I had sat with her whist she did it and put it in her bag for her and reminded her where it was in the morning.

At 13 she developed crippling anxiety seemingly overnight, she had a breakdown and couldn't go to school for a year as she had panic attacks when she tried. The school were unhelpful and said she had behavioural issues. She moved to a new school who were fantastic, they saw traits and helped us start the diagnostic process.
Her traits can be subtle as she was an excellent masker and that is what we think caused the breakdown, the sheer exhaustion of it all, of trying to fit in an be like her friends.
At school she could never be on her own as it made her feel sick with anxiety, luckily she made three good friends who helped and had a fantastic pastoral manager who put support in for her.
She developed rigid routines related to school e.g getting ready everything had to be done in a certain order and if a step went wrong she would have a meltdown.
She is 17 now and the traits are more obvious, particularly at home. She can be controlling due to her anxiety, she stims, has periods where she is reclusive and hates people, has sleep issues, rigid routines and diet. On the surface though she appears 'normal' due to how well she can mask.

Looking back as a child, she was very sociable but did have a lot of friendship issues as she struggled with finer social nuances. She couldn't cope with changes to her routine. She never had meltdowns but her behaviour would change. She struggled with transition from one activity to another often appearing to not hear. Her behaviour could be controlling.
They don't diagnose it in my area but dd has pda traits. Pda is an atypical form of Autism which is routed in anxiety which causes a need to be in control.