Wrapping up in cotton wool/strict or neglectful parenting? Where do you fit in?

[Volvicsugar]

There has got to be some kind of middle ground hasn't there? I see threads on here with names being called if another poster disagrees with the opinions or parenting styles of other posters. I'd imagine whilst there are extremes they will be the rarity really and most people will fall in to 'somewhere in between'

I have multiple kids ranging form 25 to 5 and I'd consider myself to be pretty chilled but with certain boundaries that are non - negotiable.

For instance

Meal times/food is never a battle ( I was forced food as child) if they don't like it they can get toast. Its no biggie for me if one of my kids isn't chowing down kale/carrots and broccoli every day ( or ever for my 8 year old they eat plenty of fruit or soups with veg in)

BF are not allowed to stay over ever - unless they are in their 20s and living with their partner and visiting us. If they want to 'shag in bushes' thats on them not me.

No booze before 18

We've never smacked our kids

I allow my kids (individually) to have a mental health day off school if they are looking burnt out/stressed out (happens very rarely)

I expect them to get a weekend job when they turn 16

They are expected to use public transport when meeting friends but lifts will be given if weather is bad/emergency/ late.

Chores are expected even from my 5 year old but I don't fuss if their rooms are messy as they will clean it up on chore day.

The kids were/are immediately pulled if there was unpleasant behaviour to each other.

Groundings happen but very rarely - I once grounded my 16 year old for six months for going to raves and taking drugs. First two weeks were bad but she came out unscathed, weekend job and back on track.

I've never been my kids 'mate' but we genuinely enjoy spending time with each other as family.

Where do you see your parenting style?

Congratulations?

I think each parenting style depends on the type of kids you have. Its not a one size fits all even among siblings. I parent my elder daughter different to my middle son as their personalities and needs are different.

Your parenting style sounds more like an authoritarian and your way goes without any leeway for the kids personalities or abilities.

I don't think your chilled out. I also think you are very naive if you believe your kids weren't drinking before 18.

I'm not my kids friend. My kids are too young for that. I'll deal with the teenage years when they arrive. But generally I subscribe to the I have no idea and am merely getting through each day unscathed school of parenting. I don't know better than any other paren, who also don't know what's best either. Different kids require different patenting.

We’re trying to be a bit more strict in some areas and a bit more relaxed in others. It’s so hard!

Well done, it sounds like you have parented perfectly! Any more tips for the rest of us?

That doesn’t sound chilled to me.

I instilled manners and consideration for others. Apart from that it was Liberty Hall.

I think this is a pointless question given most people would think they are in the middle even if they aren't. The goalposts aren't universally definable.

My approach (4 kids aged 6 -21) is different from yours:

1. Food - no expectation to clear the plate, only to try everything, if it's really not to their taste they can make themselves toast, I never make separate meals

1. Booze - I educate them on strengths of beer vs wine vs spirits by sharing a correctly portioned glass with them on special occasions from age 16

1. I would do anything to protect them from shagging in the bushes so sleepovers with girl / boy friends allowed from 17

1. Chores - not linked to pocket money, no rota but expected to help with evening meal prep / clear up

1. The only non negotiable is good manners to everyone, each other, strangers, friends etc

well done you.

Well-defined boundaries but complete freedom within them.

I favour old school 70's/80's type parenting, tbh.
My two eldest are mentally healthy and succesful adults, two boys who I raised as a single parent and haven't had a single days trouble with.
My daughter has complex special needs, so parenting her is a completely situation.

@Marguerite2000

I favour old school 70's/80's type parenting, tbh. My two eldest are mentally healthy and succesful adults, two boys who I raised as a single parent and haven't had a single days trouble with. My daughter has complex special needs, so parenting her is a completely situation.

My laissez faire parenting was 70s/80s - old hippy!