What's the funniest way you imply you've put on weight?

[Ivytheterrible1]

My sister describes herself as an upside down space hopper

A friend of mine says she's turned into a lard canoe.

My DD says she likes being able to boing my tummy with her little finger.

I'm making myself harder to kidnap. Safety first!

My DP says he’s one poorly timed nap away from being harpooned. Not kind about himself. . Luckily he’s nothing but lovely about me and I must weigh at least as much as him.

Calorifically advantaged.

I like to say I enjoy my dinners

Thanks heron but that was just a joke I've heard

Although I have fallen down the stairs before, headfirst, but my flotation devices gave adequate soundproofing.

My manager says she's not built for speed, she's built for comfort

Oh dear! Shall we call them ‘mufflers’ ?

My dad once said to me “your head looks small - maybe your body is bigger”

My friend takes pleasure in telling me she's lost a pound or two. I reply that I've found it.

@Cwtchycoopark

I fell down the stairs the other day and my neighbours thought Eastenders was just starting.

Baahahaha

Loving these!