Preparing the DCs for a funeral - tips please

[FGSWhatNow]

Sadly, we need to attend a family funeral at the end of the week. Due to a combination of circumstances, the DCs now have to come with us**

Does anyone have any tips or recommendations for speaking to them in advance about what will happen? Eg any online resources that you've found useful or a book I could Amazon Prime? (It will be a traditional CofE service and committal at the local church, in case it's relevant).

The older one has been to a funeral before, the little one hasn't and is likely to have A LOT of questions! I know kids always surprise with the things they want to know but I'd like to cover off the main questions before the day if possible.

Thanks in advance.

** Please, no debates about whether the DCs should go or not, that's for another thread. They are going, I just need to find the best way of preparing them.

I'm Irish, so we're very.... umm.....earthy about funerals.

We never make it a big deal. Death is as normal as anything, so its best to be very practical about it.

I just say "X is dead, the funeral is to say goodbye, everyone will be there to say good bye. They may be a bit sad but it'll be grand. The priest will say loads of prayers and you have to sit down and keep quiet and have manners!

Afterwards we'll go to the grave and their body will go into a hole so people can visit it and have nice memories of them, but they're not actually there, they're dead so it's just their leftover body"

There is a book called Badgers Parting Gifts which portrays death as a normal thing, but it's not about funerals. Its more about if someone you really really love dies and you're sad afterwards. I bought it just in case Grandma suddenly ups and dies unexpectedly!

My DS has been to 3 funerals (3 great grandmas)
He was about 3 for the first, he was already used to going to church, but in my family everyone wanted him there, he was still a huge part of my gran's life.

When another grandma of mine died, he was a bit older, I explained that she'd died, we looked through photos and spoke about her.
I told him there would be a party after the funeral. It was only when he started asking about balloons and party bags that I wondered if I should have chosen a different word to 'party'. I know my nanna would have found it hilarious though.

Weddings are when we celebrate people getting married, funerals are when we celebrate people's lives and say goodbye to them.

Some people may be upset and cry as they are sad they won't see the person again.

There will be singing, speeches and then the coffin goes to be buried ( or as appropriate).

The dead person will be in the coffin so we won't see them (unless it will be an open coffin funeral).

As a vicar if your children have any specific questions I'd be happy to give them an answer if I can. I find in general that children seem to just get a funeral and it's gravity in a way we wouldn't always expect. But I would tend to be fairly factual about what is going to happen.

Hi all, I just thought I'd give you an update. The funeral was yesterday, it went off well and the DCs were fine. In the run up to the day we spoke to them about what would happen and what they would see, and they asked their questions as we went along. I managed to get to the church on the morning of the funeral and show the DCs round - the older one had been before but couldn't remember it. I took them inside and explained where we'd be sitting and where the coffin would be, etc. The little one seemed a bit intimidated by the church at first but I explained what everything was, how I used to go there when I was little and where I sat, etc, which really helped. We went outside to the church yard and saw the family graves, and also the one dug ready for the funeral. They had a peep at the hole ("ooooh, it's really deep!") and I explained what DH would be doing. It really helped prepare them, and I'm so glad I had the opportunity with them.

During the service and committal they behaved brilliantly, we were so proud of them.

Thank you all for your help and advice, including the very kind offer from @Tiggles which I've only just seen. It made all the difference - these occasions are never easy to navigate, even as an adult, but I was a bit more confident in guiding the DCs through it as a result of the thread