How to let go of the anger?

[NoEffingWaytoSurvive]

Ex-h is yet again up to games and irritating the crap out of me.

Today, he fed DS cakes and orange juice which left him on a sugar crash so he was tearful and as it turns out, hungry when I collected him. Text ex-h to ask him to not give cakes for breakfast, he replied 'not my problem' .

He dresses DS in shitty clothes and shoes, takes his gf on holiday and not DS, and palms him off and anyone that will have him. He never takes DS anywhere, he just leaves him to watch tv and play on his ps4, and doesn't take him to his groups and activities.

Every time I have tried to address this, he becomes ultra-defensive and rude.

I need to take a step back, and chill the hell out. It's not good for my blood pressure for one!

And breathe....what can I do here?

How old is your son?

He is 9

There's not a lot you can do really I'm afraid.

His parenting isn't the same as yours and I don't suppose it ever will be. Kids in that situation do eventually seem to work out when they're older, which parent cares more about them.

But it's a long waiting game.

You’re doing the right thing in wanting to get rid of the anger, as anger will only harm you and prove very satisfying to your ex.

Lower your expectations with your ex, accept he’s a shit parent and that he will continue to doing very annoying things when he has your son. As he’s 9, he will soon work out he’s a shit dad who doesn’t feed him properly or take him on holiday or to his activities.

Ime raging about ex and ds in his time is wasting time you have with ds..
Allow yourself 5 mins anger a day.
Then box ex up mentally in a dark dingy hole and do something else...

I have tried my hardest to not think of ex-h as a crap parent but days like these make me reassess his capabilities.

I will continue to parent Ds to the very best of my capabilities, and he already has started saying that he does more with me and DP.

I actually feel sad for ex-h who I know loves DS, but seems incapable of meeting even the most basic of requirements.

He never knows when he is having DS despite it being a regular schedule, and asks me frequently about the same stuff.

Last week I cracked and told him I wasn't going to keep reminding him, we split almost two years ago.

I would dearly love to never speak to him again but alas we must

Trying to take the advice on board. Got a message today telling me I owe him a day (we have DS 50/50) as he has counted the days next month and he had DS for one day extra.
Have been polite and responded but not risen to the bait.

Good for you!