Sensory overload, single parent to young DC. How do you cope?

[ImFree2doasiwant]

One if the things I was most worried about when having children, was the lack of time alone. I knew I'd find it difficult. Of course I expected 'D' H to play a part. Quickly became apparent that he wasn't stepping up, he left. So now, a few years on I'm single, 2 DC 4 and 6. They are amazing, smart, funny, loving, active....so bloody active! We are "outdoorsy" . They are outside every day. They don't stop. They will sit and watch TV for a bit. Bedtimes, they go to bed pretty well but are, frankly, mental in the hour leading up.

By bedtime, I am DONE. I really struggle not to "get at" them. It's too much for me. Too much noise and perpetual fucking motion. I know they are just being kids. They are boys, close in age, they feed off each other, wind each other up. They have fun.

I don't know how to cope with needing quiet time, and having these 2 bundles of noise and energy.

Help?

Please tell me I'm not the only one?

Can I suggest you search for the recent post by Emiess. Sounds like you two might be able to support each other x

Emmiess

It sounds like you need a break. Is this possible at all? If not signing them up for lots of activities, swimming is especially good to tire them out.
No advice for bedtimes, I feel the same.

Oh god, it’s pretty hard. In fact this was the hardest bit of single parenting for me. For a while I used to go to bed about half an hour after they did and set my alarm for 5am - I was too rattled from the day to really unwind in the evening so having a shower and going to sleep was the best thing, and I put a coffee machine in my bedroom so I could wake up early, have a coffee without waking anyone up, and just be in silence for an hour or so before the day started. Sometimes I’d tiptoe downstairs and tidy or put dinner in the slow cooker. Sacrificing my evenings wasn’t much loss when I wasn’t doing anything anyway and the peace in the morning made me better equipped to face the day.

@GravityFalls I feel like I should do this but am a bit different, in that once they're in bed, I don't want to just go to bed. I'm desperate for some time alone, but I 'waste' it scrolling on my phone until too late then get the rude awakening at 6am.

@BloomingTrees I do need a break. I get one when I go to work. They go to their dad's 1 day a week but not overnight so I still get all mornings and bedtimes.

Mine are 5,6 and 8. Single too and get sensory overload very easily. One of my sons wears ear defenders, I tried them on and now I wear some myself when it's bad. The kids have them in school so think nothing of it, and I can still hear them. Just less stressy

Though it doesn't solve them always touching me

Hi OP

I know exactly how you feel as am in an almost identical situation - albeit my two are a bit older (7 and 9). I also do that thing if staying up too late after they have gone to bed as I just need time!

One slightly odd thing I’ve found makes a difference is I switched to individual showers rather than bath in the evening - makes it much calmer. It has got easier generally the last year so it should get a bit better for you soon ( and my eldest has SEN so he took longer to be able to be on his own in a room/sit and read by himself at bedtime for example).

Have to admit I have defaulted to too much screen time ( which I need to claw back on a bit now!). I’m very aware I leave them too long on iPads on minecraft at times as I just want some peace

Very much same situation! I’ve found leaving my phone in the kitchen, so I can sit and read or watch Netflix in the lounge makes me feel I have more of an ‘evening’ instead of losing/wasting free time scrolling on my phone!