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Original poster

Why am I so angry?

49 replies

RangerMummy1 · 08/08/2021 18:00

I'm so angry with everyone and everything, all the time...I shout at the kids, snap at my partner, quietly seethe at work colleagues, am ridiculously annoyed by other drivers, the list goes on and on...what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I be more patient, understanding and calm? I haven't always been like this...maybe not the most patient of people but not like this. Not sure what I'm expecting from MN here, guess just hoping someone might be able to relate.

OP posts:

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/08/2021 21:09

I only developed into a permanently simmering furnace of rage when I was pregnant. It was useful on one occasion when somebody tried pushing me down the stairs on a bus because I hadn't shoved some little old lady out of the way, as I walloped him square on the nose after the first shove - but the rest of the time, it wasn't great having to try and keep it held in. It finally wore off by about 26 weeks.

Have you POAS recently?

lannistunut · 08/08/2021 21:12

For me I am seething at the moment due to pure rage at the government, I can't get over it. I'm sure covid fallout, perimenopause, some life admin stress and anjob I hate don't help!

I do a lot of deep breathing these days

EarringsandLipstick · 08/08/2021 21:35

@RangerMummy1

Oh wow I wasn't expecting such a flurry of responses, thank you x I'm sure sleep, or not enough, plays a part but I don't think I'm any more sleep deprived than any other mums (2 ds, ages 3 & 7). I'm 44, and have been wondering if I might be perimenopausal...

I'd bet my last cent that it's perimenopause.

The mood fluctuations I felt have been horrific, including being flooded with utter rage.

Started HRT this month. I'm 45.

EarringsandLipstick · 08/08/2021 21:38

Regarding doctors, no, not too young for HRT.

It is absolutely worth considering all options. A GP should take into account your medical history & run bloods to check any other issues, not to check for perimenopause (as hormones fluctuate so that's no predictor).

I also don't think HRT alone is the answer. I think managing diet, ensuring you exercise & improving sleep & stress if possible, are also very relevant.

NameChangeHelpWithBullies · 08/08/2021 21:44

I'm angry too. I'm 40 but I've also been experiencing insidious workplace bullying that is clearly linked to being a woman and it's just made me feel really angry about all the systemic bullshit that I have always had to put up with as a woman. I'm owning my anger, even if only to myself, and it's helping. It isn't always bad - sometimes we are angry for good reason and just suppressing stuff.

Related to both female anger and hormones, 'Period' is a very good book with stuff on this... i can't remember the author, will look... might be worth a read OP.

NameChangeHelpWithBullies · 08/08/2021 21:45

Not period, 'period power' - here it is:

www.amazon.co.uk/Period-Power-Harness-Hormones-Working/dp/147296361X?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 08/08/2021 21:50

@RangerMummy1

Am the same age as you OP. I think it's probably a combination of things... this last 1.5 years, being squeezed between 2 generations who are depending on me, my job & my hormones. Am considering hrt! 😳

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 08/08/2021 21:53

Have you noticed any difference yet from the hrt @EarringsandLipstick ?

Original poster

RangerMummy1 · 09/08/2021 06:47

@NeverDropYourMooncup what the heck is wrong with some people, well done for making use of that rage! But yes you're right, it's really hard to keep it suppressed sometimes.

@NameChangeHelpWithBullies I will check out that book, thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

RangerMummy1 · 09/08/2021 06:51

@EarringsandLipstick I too am wondering how quickly you see an improvement/ change due to hrt? How do they work out if it's menopause/time for hrt?

OP posts:

hellcatspangle · 09/08/2021 07:14

How do they work out if it's menopause/time for hrt?

Although I've heard about some doctors doing blood tests to check hormone levels, my doctor just listened to all my symptoms and prescribed based on that. As well as the rage, I also had erratic periods/flooding, lots of aches and pains, brain fog etc.

After reading all the posts on here I was kind of expecting HRT to turn me into Mary Poppins - it hasn't, but at least I'm not marching around with a "I hate him/I hate this/I hate them" diatribe going round my head (interspersed with panic attacks and uncontrollable crying) so it's done something. It did take a couple of months to kick in though.

CrazyCatMamma · 09/08/2021 07:19

If you're not keen or you're doctor isn't keen to start HRT, try Agnus Castus as a natural rememdy. It's supposed to help with natural biorythms and cycles.
I took it for a while when I felt I was a proper shouty mum. Might have been a placebo effect but it wasn't expensive and woukdn't do any harm.

MajesticWhine · 09/08/2021 07:34

A lot of replies focussing on physical causes. But what about psychological ones?

If you want to stop being angry this is the best book I read about anger and it helped me. The Anger Fallacy: Uncovering the Irrationality of the Angry Mindset
by Ross G. Menzies and Steven Laurent

Or maybe talk to a therapist. You could be hurting about some deep seated long held resentments about your life or from childhood. Maybe at this time in your life it's just getting too much to keep the lid on. And so you take it out on your loved ones.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 09/08/2021 07:38

Yoga. Not saying I never get frustrated or angry but do so more when it is justified, not so much at random small things any more. I always say it keeps me sane!

longwayoff · 09/08/2021 07:43

Hormones OP, get them checked. I was an unrecognisable nutcase in perimenopause, even I - like you- found my own company too much to bear. I honestly can say I felt the change of mood for the better within a few hours of the first dose of progestogen.

millenialblush · 09/08/2021 08:05

Yes does sound like hormones to me, I get like this with PMT. I try and hide from the world for a few days so it doesn't feel my wrath!

Ladyrattles · 09/08/2021 08:05

I started getting the very first symptoms of peri menopause about 43-44. It was like stronger PMS. I started having intense mood swings & insomnia for about a week before every period and they got heavier & irregular, and I started to get my very first hot flushes. Things ramped up year after year into full blown peri menopause that the GP recognised. It was hard going & I felt like a moody teenager.

DinosaurDiana · 09/08/2021 08:06

Peri menopause all the way, welcome to the club !

AntiSocialDistancer · 09/08/2021 08:07

Hopping on to reread later, you aren't alone

DobbleDobble · 09/08/2021 11:08

I’m in exactly same position op.
I’ve put it down to perimenopause too at 46yrs old.
I approached my GP ( female btw) and she requested I wait a year … no reason given “ it’s just better at 46 to wait a year “. Frustrating.
I’ve decided to order some health supplements to help me.

But nobody has mentioned the dreaded covid.After coming through nearly 15 months of one of the biggest issues to affect our generation , inc home schooling teens whilst trying to hold down jobs ( mine was working in operational outside house from beginning when I was terrified too) to a governent that I thought was doing ok but are now just a shit shower of contradictions , hypocrisy) I think we are allowed to be raging .We ve also had a pause on our lives , mixing with people, now we are re-entering into a society and world we expected to be normal and it’s far from that!!
It’s the small things that get me, trying to contact dvla, tv provider, doctors, everything is a shit show….. I’m angry at something that I cannot change and that makes me angrier

DinosaurDiana · 09/08/2021 11:12

I also think we get less tolerant as we age.
My DF has become a complainer and intolerant.

longwayoff · 09/08/2021 11:48

My male GP snorted contemptuously when I first approached him "where would we all be if we ran to the doctor every time we felt a bit off?" Me, 'sorry to bother you, I'll make an appointment to see a real doctor and come back'(group practice). I stomped out as I could quite easily have punched him. He followed me out of his office asking me to come back to discuss my situation.Twat. Don't allow them to fob you off, insist your hormone levels are tested.

junebirthdaygirl · 09/08/2021 12:05

What was your family like OP? Any anger issues there as you can repeat patterns you have grown up with unless you examine how you were raised and become aware of different aspects of your family of origin. I think the suggestion of counselling is a good one as getting heard is a very calming thing.

franke · 09/08/2021 12:46

You could also get your thyroid checked. I found out I had an underactive thyroid when I was about your age.

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