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Original poster

Contraceptive choices or lack of.

22 replies

JoborPlay · 07/08/2021 23:18

In a bit of a pickle.

I can't take contraceptives with oestrogen in due to migraines. So I took the mini pill very successfully for years. However after 2nd DC it caused me persistent bleeding. After 18 months (and 3 different mini pills) I was down to 5 days of no bleeding between periods. I switched to the mirena coil and endured 5 months of constant bleeding before it was removed. GP has advised I don't get the implant or depo injection as it's likely the same thing will happen but it'll be harder to stop. The family planning clinic suggested copper coil however I have a copper allergy, which whilst mild will likely be worse if it's in me! So that leaves condoms, diaphragm or the snip for DH.

I cannot get on with the diaphragm. Since having children I have real issues with myself due to birth injuries, pelvic floor dysfunction and nerve damage and I can't have anything internal (tampons, mooncup etc) sex took months for me to be able to contemplate and months more of physio and treatment to be vaguely pleasurable. . We use condoms but we keep splitting them.

I just don't know what to do. DH is considering a vasectomy but isn't comfortable with it yet and I don't want to push him. I have discussed female sterilisation twice now, once before DC2 and since and both times I was advised they're really cutting down on them due to risks, complexity and failure rate in comparison to long acting contraceptives and vasectomies.

I really really don't want another baby and neither is DH. Our sex life was already poor due to my physical issues and this is making it even worse.

I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:

Original poster

JoborPlay · 07/08/2021 23:19

The bleeding stopped when I stopped the pill/ mirena came out.

OP posts:

SisterMonicaJoansHabit · 07/08/2021 23:23

They should allow the sterilisation. If you're definite you never want more babies ever, it's your body. It took years for me to get mine. It's taken even longer for other friends to get it and some had to pay privately. It's not on.

MaraScottie · 07/08/2021 23:25

Birth injuries, nerve damage and pelvic floor dysfunction, and your DH is not 'comfortable' with the snip?

I'd revisit that one if I were you OP.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General health Women's health

Original poster

JoborPlay · 07/08/2021 23:35

@MaraScottie

Birth injuries, nerve damage and pelvic floor dysfunction, and your DH is not 'comfortable' with the snip?

I'd revisit that one if I were you OP.

He's looking in to. We both like to have lots of information. There are risks associated with it. I'm not expecting him to just jump to it, that'd be really unfair. It's his body and his choice. The likelihood of my birth injuries was much, much lower than risks of complications with a vasectomy, but here we are. I can understand why he's cautious.

SisterMonicaJoansHabit to be honest when they've discussed my specific risk profile with me because of my history I'm not all that keen (though more keen than more pregnancies). But if I were, it shouldn't be so hard to get I agree. I asked to have it done when I had my c section but my obstetrician refused because of high failure rate when done during c section, I asked again when I had it (different surgeon) and she said she'd look but I was so swollen and had a small PPH that it wasn't possible.

OP posts:

MemoryGame · 07/08/2021 23:41

A vasectomy seems like a logical and sensible choice here.
DP wasn't terribly keen on having it done when he felt out family was complete and the only reason I was willing to go along with his interpretation of the risks is because I wanted another DC (which we now have). There are risks, but they are so tiny compared to female sterilisation, pregnancy and birth, that I don't think there is any real comparison.

RubyGoat · 07/08/2021 23:51

I'm in a similar position. Migraines, birth injuries, absolutely no desire for another child. I tried the copper coil & I actually got pregnant & had a MC as well as having side effects from it, tried the progesterone only pill & both types of implant which all caused intolerable bleeding for months, & we've had several split condoms. I react extremely badly to the MAP, my libido is through the floor due to fear of another pregnancy. DH says he will have the snip but is dragging his feet. Meanwhile I'm on a sex strike. No snip, no sex. I am on medication that causes multiple serious birth defects. It's on him.

Lapsidasicle · 07/08/2021 23:54

Oh my goodness this is what I’m grappling with right now. Following for insights.

I’ve had poor mental health since being on the Mirena coil, it started a week after putting it in. GP wants me to wait it out plus they have no appointments for removal anyway (it’s been in 8 weeks) but I want it out ASAP because I can’t cope.

The copper coil made me bleed heavily and I became anaemic. I was suffering badly with vertigo and looked/ felt awful.

I’m now down to the diaphragm (please tell me about it) and sterilisation. Which I’ve heard is impossible to get.

I’ve had one unplanned pregnancy.

My husband refuses point blank to have a vasectomy and I’m starting to really resent him for this, considering all I’ve gone through as the mother of his children.

We’ve not had sex since I’ve been on the Mirena anyway, as I’ve been so depressed.

idontlikealdi · 07/08/2021 23:54

Snap. It's vasectomy or no sex at the moment and it's looking like no sex will win. I'm done with the responsibility being on me.

Lapsidasicle · 08/08/2021 00:04

I really think a national campaign is needed to encourage men to have vascestomies

Convinced some level of increase in poor mental health is due to hormonal contraception. I know it works for many. But some women really suffer.

Lapsidasicle · 08/08/2021 00:05

Also if men had to put up with the crap choices we face, they’d have invented something far superior by now.

GingerFigs · 08/08/2021 00:06

The likelihood of my birth injuries was much, much lower than risks of complications with a vasectomy, but here we are.

Really?? I'm sorry but surely the risks associated with a vasectomy are way lower than the risk of birth injuries? Maybe yours specifically were very serious hence you're saying 'my birth injuries' but I think considering what you've been through it's time for your DH to do his bit, once he's considered all the information of course.

RoseAddict · 08/08/2021 00:20

I would love to know if the ‘body identical’ hormones used in modern hrt could be used (by drug companies obviously I’m not suggesting people steal their mum’s hrt) to make better contraception. It’s only due to the recent press around menopause that I’ve learned the hormones in contraceptives are not the same as the estrogen and progesterone the body produces, and that the synthetic versions are riskier and cause more side effects. It has made me wonder if body identical hormones could make safer contraceptives.

Original poster

JoborPlay · 08/08/2021 00:33

The mini pill worked wonderfully for me for 8 years, until I got pregnant with DC2. I had only positive side effects - no periods at all and a significant improvement to my IBS. So it doubly sucks I started bleeding so terribly with it as I absolutely loved being on it and my IBS had got worse again coming Ng off it.

OP posts:

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 08/08/2021 00:43

I’m in a similar situation with birth control not agreeing with me. We now have 3 kids, and we know we’re done.

DH initially suggested he could get a vasectomy, but our GP then freaked him out with all the things that could possibly go wrong.

Thankfully we’re back on track, with the procedure booked in a few weeks.

What changed his mind was:

Realizing how low the likelihood of complications actually is
Researching treatment options in case of complications (they’re for the most part addressable!)
Talking to a few friends who’ve had it and who don’t regret the decision for a minute. I hadn’t realized how common they were! I guess it’s not a typical dinner conversation. But in Canada (where we live) ~30% of men in their 40s/50s in committed relationships have vasectomies, and I read that in New Zealand that figure is around 50%! Something about how common it it was comforting to both of us.

liveforsummer · 08/08/2021 07:31

Could you try taking a decent length break from the mini pill then going back to it. This worked for me, I think your pre birth body can go back to normal eventually. I only say this as you note the other beneficial side effects on top of the contraception aspect. Otherwise I'm a bit (very) at all these men - and I say all these as a lot of my friend dp's are the same - who have watched their partners go through so much to have their dc both the risk and injuries,having taken full responsibility for contraception for many years, often with negative side effects and again risk and would still rather them go through yet another an invasive and risky procedure than pop to outpatients and take a bit of the responsibility with far less risk. Cynically I think a lot of these men are only sure they have finished having dc with this family and don't want to completely rule out having more in case they split and are less able to attract a younger woman.

scaevola · 08/08/2021 07:41

Respecting your DH's bodily automony is a good thing, and if he does not want to have his fertility surgically removed at this time, then you are entirely right to respect that.

Another option is female sterilisation. Wouid you consider a permanent option?

scaevola · 08/08/2021 07:43

2) Researching treatment options in case of complications (they’re for the most part addressable!)

However, PVPS is not necessarily treatable - even denervation may not work.

It's about 10% chance of the serious side effects (which cause pain over 3 months or require further surgery to fix) and it's about 2% for PVPS

Twizbe · 08/08/2021 07:43

Would you try natural cycles? It's natural family planning but the only one actually approved and proved to be successful.

I used it as contraception between my pregnancies and half heartedly use it now with lots more condoms now.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/08/2021 07:47

How are you splitting condoms? You must be using them wrong. Does DH pinch the end before rolling down? Are they the right size? He needs to sort this out. You could combine condoms (used properly) and tracking your cycles?

earlydoors42 · 08/08/2021 08:08

My husband had a vasectomy under local anaesthetic. He took 2 paracetamol as advised, then didn't need any more painkillers. We went straight to the all you can eat buffet at Pizza Hut after it and he was able to go and get his own food. He had to wear tight underpants. No issues at all.

Weirdly when I had my last c section, at the last minute before going up, the surgeon asked if I wanted to be sterilized. Literally no mention of it earlier, no chance to think about it or read up on it, just "oh do you want tubal ligation while we are there?" (I didn't even immediately know what tubal ligation was either). That was 8 years ago so sounds like it's changed since then.

DinosaurDiana · 08/08/2021 08:10

Vasectomy all the way. Even he says he wish he’d done it earlier !

Original poster

JoborPlay · 08/08/2021 08:31

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Yeah we're using them correctly but (this tmi) I'm really tight and dry due to my injuries so have to use tonnes of lube and if we don't we split them. Using large reduces this but it still happens.

Twizbe yeah that's sort of what we're doing, I have very regular cycles and clear ovulation indicators but I just don't trust it, plus ovulation is pretty much the only time I want sex!

OP posts:

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