I'm married, been together 20 years, married 16. 6dc. 2 mine, 4 together.
My marriage has been on the rocks for years but for lots of reasons I stayed. I should have left a long time ago.
Couple of years ago I met someone, we became friends, 10 months down the line we started a relationship. I confessed to dh and he left. The dc fell apart, the eldest one's verbally attacked me, so I asked him to come back. I'd just had a big operation and was literally 2 days post surgery. I panicked and didn't know what to do.
We went to counselling, we soul searched, we moved house ( already planned) and we tried to fix things.
Eventually we decided to just be friends. Dh coped with this better than I did. Every time I thought about him leaving I would cry. I know we're better apart but I just couldn't let go so we've continued to limp along.
I'm trying to condense this all down because it's very long and complicated but what it boils down to is my kids hate me for what happened.
I don't know how to fix it. I can't sleep, I don't want to live like this. I feel like they would be happier if I wasn't here. Its all I think about. Its such a mess.