Can't stop beating myself up

[LowMood]

I applied for a small promotion at work recently. I felt I was in a good position to get it but I didn't. I basically didn't perform as well as other candidates at interview. Fair enough. Only I can't stop punishing myself.

I have very low self confidence, personally and professionally, though you wouldn't think it if you met me as I'm good at hiding it. I now can't stop thinking how stupid I was to apply in the first place, how arrogant I must have been to think I would get it, how much those interviewing me must have laughed at me, how clearly incapable I am etc etc.

I considered applying for a different position a few months ago and chose not to as I felt it wasn't the right time. That position would have been even higher than this one that I didn't get, so the horrible voice in my head is telling me that I was clearly pathetic to even have considered applying for the higher one seeing as I couldn't even get this one and that it's a good thing I didn't apply as I would have been laughed out of the room.

I hate feeling like this. How can I stop punishing myself for not getting this stupid promotion?

If it were your brother/sister/best friend writing this post, how would you respond?

By applying for a promotion you show ambition. No-one who is successful became that way without taking risks (and being knocked back in the process).

Did you ask for feedback from your interview? This could really help you understand the areas you perhaps need to work on. Try to look at it as a learning opportunity, a way to improve your chances for next time.

No-one was laughing at you! If they didn't feel you were a suitable potential candidate then they wouldn't have wasted their time interviewing you in the first place. You just got pipped to the post on this occasion. There's no shame in that, happens to everyone at some point. Better to try and fail than to wonder, 'what if?'

Try not to put too much thought into what others may or may not think of you. What's important is what you think of yourself and right now, you need to work on your self-esteem so that it doesn't hold you back.

Best of luck for next time!

The person who got the job may not have been ‘better’ than you in terms of job performance but just may have gelled with the interviewer more than you did.

Having initiative and wanting to better yourself is not something to feel babs about even if the result was not what you wanted.

Some people never aspire to trying something new or different so please commend yourself in going to the interview.

You can choose to believe that you failed or you can choose to think that it was a learning experience and what can you do next time that might improve your chances?

Thank you both for replying and I know you're both right.

The feedback essentially was that I didn't develop my answers as much as I could have, so clearly others did perform better. Going into it, I did feel pretty confident but that was clearly misplaced which doesn't help when I try to combat the idea that I'm clearly arrogant and have ideas above my station. I feel as though the person who did get the role will know I didn't get it and they're probably feeling pretty smug as I, technically, am at a higher grade than they are.

I just feel like I want to crawl under a rock. The only good thing is we're all home working so it's not as if I need to walk into an office and see everyone.