Now I know how people do it

[Imgoingbackto505]

I've often looked on when people I know are going through a tough time and thought "how do they get through the day?"

Now I know. You just get up and go through the motions...and get through to the end. Over and over again.

As if it wasn't hard enough managing with my dm having terminal cancer, DF has now been diagnosed with a different type. Was just about coping with one of them but this has swamped me. I'm still getting through each day though, just about.

I agree op and I’m so sorry you are going through all of that.
I remember a period after my dad then mum died and various other awful things were happening. It almost became farcical as I stumbled about doing what I needed to do to keep going.
It made me more empathetic and forgiving of a load of daily crap - I really do now think ‘well who knows what that tosser might be going through’. No doubt needlessly a lot of the time but feels better than not.
Support.

💐

I went through hell in my father’s last years. It’s horrific.

I’m so sorry you are going through this.

They're not even elderly really, thought they had another twenty years. It's just shit.

Yes I think you can feel like a robot on auto pilot. Do the necessary and if you are like me be very hung up on details and facts about the medical side, whilst bottling up emotionally and not wanting to talk about it with well meaning people.
All the best. We have strength when we need to in my opinion.

I agree. It turns into one foot in front of the other and you keep on keeping on because really what else can you do.
Per Rollerbird the details,v the facts, even minutiae, can be a normal distraction from the awful enormity of what is happening.

Take care, lean upon us here, if you need. Much sympathy for you all.

rollerbird that strength thing is so true. I was and am astonished at what I did and sorted out and dealt with over two awful years. I wonder if it used up a reserve of ‘dealing with stuff’ as I now struggle to deal with ‘big stuff’ - I sometimes look back and think well I did all of that with no notice, and well what’s going on now ??’

Need to channel it a bit better. Untapped strengths.

I've made myself useful today with an autopilot trip to buy new pyjamas for his hospital stay. Still waiting for further instructions from the hospital though, no idea how much notice they'll give for his admission.

My mum died 8 weeks ago. Completely out of the blue. She was my complete rock, my everything. She made me who I am. My DCs are very young (and won't remember her other than through me).
Honestly I completely agree with you and I'm so sorry about what you're going through. People just do it. I've had no choice. I miss my mum so much but I have no choice. One foot in front of the other and I begin again each day.

DH was diagnosed with terminal cancer in the middle of last year, getting him diagnosed was a battle, getting his oncologist to speak to us even now, is a battle. We have had numerous other things go belly up over the last few months but we keep on keeping on because what is the alternative? I am pretty sure that, one day in the future, I will crash and burn in spectacular fashion but for now we just keep going. It's shit, it really is but somehow the plodding on continues

I feel for you all, I'm sorry to hear that you're all going through this and it's all made so much worse by this covid crap isn't it? Having to second guess everything and plan everything around it/worry about catching it/about getting stuck in isolation/treatment delays. Balls to it all.

Covid has cost us so much, DH's diagnosis was delayed by it and ultimately that delay has cost him his life but his death won't be recorded as covid related. How are you doing today?

Covid has cost us so much

You're not wrong there. Dm has gone through all her treatment over the last 18 months, and her spare time that could've been used properly living what's left of her life has been spent shielding, not seeing her friends, not going on holiday or seeing family that live abroad. It's been stolen from her.

In addition, I think DF would've sought treatment earlier if it wasn't so hard to get into the doctor's surgery. He says he's felt unwell for the last year, but if you called our surgery since covid, you got greeted with a lengthy answerphone message about how they really don't want people in the surgery, can you consult the pharmacist, do you really need to see someone etc. For someone who doesn't like bothering the doctor in normal times, it's enough to put them off.

I'm still feeling numb about everything to be honest. I've got a day out planned today that's been booked for ages so I'm going ahead with it. I've spoken to a few friends about it the last day or two - I'm not usually one to say I'm struggling but I've decided to open up and hope it helps.