Does this story sound believable?

[EchoElephant]

My mum phoned me last week, a bit worried because her cleaner seemed to have disappeared. I spoke to her again yesterday and the woman has reappeared but the reason she gave just doesn't add up to me.

She's been cleaning for my mum for around four years and is generally reliable and does a good job. Around two years ago she split up with her partner and that's when things started to fall apart. From what I understand, she has a short chat with my mum before she starts work and tells her about what is going on in her life. My mum likes to tell me about it when she speaks to me.

Over this time the following has happened to my mum's cleaner
She's been locked out of her house because her ex changed the locks
She was standing outside the house trying to get in when the police turned up and said she was accused of domestic violence. But they left without any further action
She's been followed by a van with two men in it. But the company on the van doesn't exist
She found a piece of paper that shows her ex has been practicing her signature
She found a bank statement showing her ex had moved money into his mum's account
The police arrested her for money laundering and took her to a police station miles away from home
The police confiscated her phone
When she asked for the policeman's name he was reluctant to give it.
When she asked about another officer that she'd dealt with, the police didn't know him.

The arrest for money laundering happened recently and she didn't turn up for work that week. But she reappeared the following week and explained to my mum what happened.

This week she turned up and said she couldn't come the previous week because the police had her phone and she didn't know my mum's number. However she showed my mum photos of the forged signatures and money transfer. Something that had happened over a year ago.

I've no doubt she is having a lot of problems with her ex and trying to sell the house. But the latest parts of the story just don't make sense to me.

Why didn't she turn up last week? She's comes regularly so not having my mum's number shouldn't stop her working
Why did she have photos on her new phone that were taken on the confiscated one but didn't have my mum's number?
Why would the police turn up out of the blue and arrest her for money laundering?
Why haven't the police given her any indication of their evidence of this? And instead just let her go but kept her phone

She isn't asking my mum for money so I'm not worried about that. But I am worried my mum is being dragged into this, although I can't understand why.

The cleaner is exaggerating, your mum is exagerating, you are exagerating. I would imagine that were i arrested for money laundering, someone who i clean for wouldn't be high on my priorities of folk who I'd call.

The photos could be on her phone if she has cloud storage.
Is she saying that the only reason she didn't turn up last week was because she didn't have your Mum's number? That would only make sense if her hours differed each week and she had to ring to arrange when to come BUT if she still doesn't have your mum's number then why did she turn up this time 🤷‍♂️
Unfortunately I can well believe if her ex has contacts in the police that they would do him a favour by dragging her into a police station on false pretences.

Regardless of whether the stories are true or not she is over sharing with your mother.

It’s unprofessional to turn up and chat about your deeply personal issues to your employer.

A general chit chat is fine seeing as how she has been coming to your mother for a number of years but discussing personal problems should be off limits.

I understand that your mother might be lonely but gossiping to you should be discouraged.

The arrest for money laundering was about 4 weeks ago. She didnt turn up that week, understandably.
But she came the following week and explained.
That's also when she said she was being followed by the men in the van.

So when she didn't turn up last week my mum was worried.

This week she came as usual and said she didn't turn up because the police still had her phone.
But she comes every week at a regular time.

She has no information on why she was arrested and if anything else is going to happen.

Wouldn't cloud storage also have her contacts?

Galassia I've made this point to my mum.

She has a habit of finding out personal stuff from anyone - cleaner, gardener, plumber etc etc
Then she tells me.
She doesn't have much going on in her life so it's her way of seeing the world outside her house. Sad but not much I can do about it

It’s unprofessional to turn up and chat about your deeply personal issues to your employer

I disagree, this woman might not have anyone else to talk to and if you had a regular job with a larger employer, most have employee assistance programmes who could help with this sort of thing.

The phone thing could be real - your photos are automatically uploaded to your google/apple account, but she might have stored her numbers only in the phone - there are options to back these up two, but it only works if you select the right options.

If she has a manipulative and abusive ex, he could well have done all those things, including getting her involved in money laundering.

Is the cleaner safe now? Has she moved to somewhere else? Hopefully the house will sell soon and she'll be able to move on with her life, but if the ex has had her unwittingly involved in money laundering - and innocent people have been tricked into this, it's a big problem, especially with teenagers or anyone else who could be vulnerable or naive, that could cause problems for her in the future.

If her ex is doing all those things, it would likewise make sense that her story is frazzled as well. Being a victim of long term abuse tends to do damage to the mind. It's hard to stay organized and following a normal routine if weird shit is constantly happening to you.

I believe her.

I would believe this because the exact same thing happened to me. But I'm not a cleaner btw and the police also took my laptop. So it does happen.

@LEMtheoriginal

The cleaner is exaggerating, your mum is exagerating, you are exagerating. I would imagine that were i arrested for money laundering, someone who i clean for wouldn't be high on my priorities of folk who I'd call.

My thoughts too. Not that terrible things dont happen. My x is proof of that. And I did over share. I guess when you split up from a controlling, angry maniac its hard to know how much power they have. They might be trying to destroy your life and its hard to figure out "can they do that?"

I am really a bit embarrassed at how i overshared/verbalised all my fears 14 years ago!!

I did it to empathetic people who didnt have the heart to say "why are you telling me?" so yes, your mother might not know that she can say she is not in the right place to support others today.

Not entirely impossible she’s telling the truth, I suppose.

Much more likely she’s actually involved in money laundering or a fantasist.

It does all sound quite strange, but some people have really dramatic lives (and others make up drama).

No need to be telling your mum all of this, true or otherwise. Have a word with the cleaner snd ask her to stop. Pass the time of day, have a cup of tea, get on with the job, that’s all that’s required.

Wouldn't cloud storage also have her contacts?

Not necessarily, you can select which aspects of your phone (photos, contacts, message history, apps etc) get uploaded to the cloud so not everything would automatically be saved there. There are photo-storage apps which save and back-up photos but don’t do the same fir photos. It’s also possible that the photos were saved elsewhere, for example downloaded from the phone onto a laptop, and then retrieved.

Your mum sounds very caring.

I feel every single one of us needs to be aware of what to do if someone discloses suspected or actual emotional, psychological or financial abuse.

Many larger employers do nowadays, and even pharmacies have a code word that people can use if they are in danger.

After all, we might find ourselves in this position, or our daughters or our sons might.

If this woman is experiencing gaslighting, or financial abuse, then someone in her life is obscuring the facts, and if you are in that situation it is extremely difficult to see clearly what the facts are.

So looking at this story and answering the Ops question, at least half of this story makes sense to me, (eg. the bits about being locked out/changing of locks).

It may also be that the woman has been falsely accused of things (abusers may do this to confuse a victim) -

The confusion created makes it easy for onlookers to dismiss what is going on as 'mental health issues'.

It is a horrible/horrible thing gaslighting.

There are organisations that can help

Surviving Economic Abuse is one of them (I'd be particularly concerned about the faking of the signature thing).

Women's Aid is obviously another (if your mum wanted to she could talk it through with them).

If something is going on, the woman is doing well turning up for work at all. I hope she is safe, and safety is the first priority.

I like to think that should this happen to anyone at all - or anyone of us, we would not just dismiss it as someone imagining it.

The story might well not make sense initially to the listener, but this might be due to the gaslighting. That is what it is intended to do.

Larger employers have policies in place to support employees who disclose.

I think you should tell your mum that it could all be building up to tap her for money and that your mother must not be swayed by any kind of elaborate sob story.

I would do as someone suggested and have a word with the cleaner yourself about discussing personal problems.

Let her know that you are looking out for your mother.

All sounds plausible to me - maybe you’ve lived a sheltered life OP!

Oh. and coercive control is now a criminal offence, so it would be wise for anyone to be aware, evidence needs to be kept safely.

i.e. bank statement showing transactions.
Even piece of paper to show ex has been practising signature.
Incident numbers recorded if police need to be called.
Note down collar numbers of officers involved if they do come to visit.

Some sections of the police are better at domestic abuse than others.!

As parents i feel all this needs to be part of our general knowledge. Hopefully we will never need it, but there is a certain amount of protection in knowing it. A bit like knowing how to cross the road!

Something which I try to pass on to my DD.

To answer some of the points

She moved back in with her parents after she split with her ex.
My mum isn't the only person she cleans for but I don't know if she's only telling my mum this.
My mum has paid her for the times she didn't turn up. We agreed that was ok for now but would reconsider if she continued to randomly not turn up.

I understand now that she might have lost my mum's number but that doesn't explain why she didn't turn up last week. And didn't really have an explanation why except that the police still had her phone. But that is a minor issue.

I've been on the receiving end of an ex who locked me out of my house. And then refused to sell until I gave in to his demands. I find that part completely believable.

I'm just struggling to understand where the accusation of money laundering has come from. Why this happened at the same time she thought she was being followed by a van? Which she says happened twice and stopped after she took a photo of the van.

She has no record of the police who arrested her because she said one wouldn't give his name. And when she asked about another officer she had spoken to before, he denied there was anyone there with that name.

The only evidence she has that anything has happened are the photos of her forged signatures and a bank statement showing a transfer of money.

I've told my mum to be careful. We've talked about how she can be supportive without getting too involved. My mum is on her own and vulnerable. Her cleaner has family and friends who are supporting her.

My priority is protect my mum and at the moment she's worried and scared for this woman. And I'm just trying to understand the story I've been told so we know what to do.

I think its impossible to tell what's going on.

She may be in a dreadful position, but i think you must bear in mind that she could be a compulsive liar.

Sounds like you are taking a sensible approach Echo.

With awareness of all these issues perhaps you need to draw your boundaries as your mum does.

I don't know about the accusation of money laundering ....often people who are actually doing a crime accuse others of doing it to put them off the scent.

If cleaner's ex was manipulating her signature and bank account then it is possible that there is truth in it.

Never deal with a police officer without getting their collar number.