Fear of dentist linked to sexual abuse?

[Generalpost]

I have an awful fear of the dentist so much so that I have let my teeth crumble and fall out. And had the most awful pain that effect my face head and ears and no pain killers work. I just end up rocking back and forth I just can't explain the agony.

I forgot what it's called but when I have managed to get to the dentist I have had some really judgemental ones but I found a really nice one. And she said that I had some sort of condition that meant my teeth rot easily. She did say what it was but I forgot now. Anyway I had alot of work done with her but then she left the practice so I never went back because the fear of seeing another dentist was just to much.

So now I basically have hardly any teeth. So I build up courage to go to a dentist this time private as I'm getting all my teeth removed and having implants. And hes realky nice and has not judged me at all.

So my fear does not really show outwards ita all inside. Its the whole of the experience of being at the dentist . The chair, it going back. Someone leaning over me and not feeling in control . Because of my fear I question everything and I need to know what's going on step by step.

When I went in yesterday he said he was removing one tooth it was wobbly anyway. So I asked where will the injection be. So I think because I asked about the injection they thought my fear was the injection. So when he was doing the injection the assistant was stroking my arm and I felt really creeped out by it but I'm not sure why .

I do wounder if it's linked with being sexually abused as a child. I don't have a massive memory of it though. Like not being in control kind of in a vulnerable position being in the chair etc.

My mother (no contact now) told me when I was little I hid under the dentist chair to try and escape.

I don't even know if it's linked I could be talking crap and still had the same fear even without any abuse

I have no advice but I didn’t want to read and run, can you look into therapy to help you process your feeling? x

You can be prescribed Valium by your dentist and take a chaperone. This is what I would do in your situation.

@DufferMum

You can be prescribed Valium by your dentist and take a chaperone. This is what I would do in your situation.

No definitely don't need that

@AperolWhore

I have no advice but I didn’t want to read and run, can you look into therapy to help you process your feeling? x

No I don't really want to do that. I'm ok generally. It's just a thought of the situation really guess I'm just exploring the reason it could be really.

It's a really vulnerable situation to be in for most people, so I can imagine if you're a sexual abuse survivor then it might be even more so.

It's probably no help but I have had a very happy childhood but still hate the dentist.

I have to basically meditate. I have to make myself deep breathe and take myself somewhere else. I then tell myself it'll soon be over.

It’s likely the feeling of being out of control

Someone is ‘doing something’ to you and people looming over you and putting things in your mouth can feel both intimidating and quite intimate The patient is almost in a way ‘lending’ their mouth to us so we can do whatever it is
It’s very common - you are
very much not the only one who feels this way
The answer is having a dentist with whom you feel comfortable. And also you are absolutely allowed to ask the nurse not to stroke you

@christyt114

It's probably no help but I have had a very happy childhood but still hate the dentist.

I have to basically meditate. I have to make myself deep breathe and take myself somewhere else. I then tell myself it'll soon be over.

Yes that's what I'm thinking abuse might have nothing to do with it what so ever and I may have still had the same fear. Anyway 🤷‍♀️

@Heatherjayne1972

It’s likely the feeling of being out of control

Someone is ‘doing something’ to you and people looming over you and putting things in your mouth can feel both intimidating and quite intimate The patient is almost in a way ‘lending’ their mouth to us so we can do whatever it is
It’s very common - you are
very much not the only one who feels this way
The answer is having a dentist with whom you feel comfortable. And also you are absolutely allowed to ask the nurse not to stroke you

Yes I know she was just being kind. No one at a dentist has touched my arm before so did not know how I would feel. The rest of what you say definitely makes sense as well. Thank you

The arm stroking would have been annoying to me too because it feel placating and almost dominating - like how you placate and shush babies or young children - so is infantilising to an adult.

It's also a power imbalance - you only coddle and pat young children, animals or those who are otherwise vulnerable (emotionally, mentally, physically etc at that moment). You wouldn't dream of stroking say your boss or a checkout assistant. It's oddly parental and intimate. And almost a way of saying 'shh, don't make a fuss, you're ok' - if that makes sense?

I find dentists a bit scary because of the unknown- I don't know what they're going to find or if they're going to tell me off. My knowledge gap (because I'm not a dentist and can't really see that far inside my own mouth) leaves me fearful that I'm going to be tricked into paying for additional dental work and made a fool of. I also worry about what my breath smells like, what they must think of my teeth and fillings etc.

All in all, it's a very vulnerable place and position. I try to go every four months to desensitise myself.

So what you've said totally makes sense to me OP.

I can’t help wondering whether some painful procedure that you don’t remember, traumatised you as a child? Or even maybe a dentist who was stern and perhaps scary-looking?

When you were a young child, wouldn’t a parent have stayed with you at any visit to the dentist? That would have made any sexual abuse highly unlikely, if not impossible.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

I can’t help wondering whether some painful procedure that you don’t remember, traumatised you as a child? Or even maybe a dentist who was stern and perhaps scary-looking?

When you were a young child, wouldn’t a parent have stayed with you at any visit to the dentist? That would have made any sexual abuse highly unlikely, if not impossible.

Sexual abuse was not by the dentist.

I do know that when I have been to a dentist explained how scared I am they say they are good with nerves patients but then they are not . I have experienced that many times and it has led me not to return so yes it could be that.

I totally hear you. My teeth are awful from childhood neglect to other reasons. The dentist is a vulnerable position for me. I searched a lot for my current one and will be sticking with her as long as she is in practice.

www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/abuse-survivors/

This might explain a few things, I have had various freakouts and tears but it's okay as she books lots of time and is understandng

@NotanotherboxofFrogs

I totally hear you. My teeth are awful from childhood neglect to other reasons. The dentist is a vulnerable position for me. I searched a lot for my current one and will be sticking with her as long as she is in practice.

www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/abuse-survivors/

This might explain a few things, I have had various freakouts and tears but it's okay as she books lots of time and is understandng

That's excellent thank you so much. It does make sense. My old dentist was just like yours until she left