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50th birthday gift ideas

23 replies

Shedbuilder · 04/08/2021 13:25

A cousin of mine, someone I haven't had much to do with in the past, has had an awful 18 months. Her husband walked out on her just before Covid and went back to his native USA. Soon after that she had an apparently minor accident that has left her in chronic pain and then at this time last year her 80-something mother became ill and needed support at home and she ended up losing her job because of her need to step in to look after her mum.

Her mother died in June and now my cousin is facing having to start her life anew. I've spent several weeks with her and her mum over the last six months, trying to make a crap situation a bit easier. We are chalk and cheese. My cousin is very feminine and likes pink, 'nice' , 'posh' ladylike things and I'm the kind of alternative, greenish, feminist who lives in boots and trousers and doesn't do jewellery and make-up.

She turns 50 in September. She has no parents, no partner, no children, no siblings and no job and her husband seems set on a messy divorce. She has a few friends she talks about but doesn't seem to see very often. Even though we're different we get on well and I would like to do something a bit special to mark her birthday.

I'm going to take her out to dinner at a very good restaurant I think she'll like and I'm trying to track down a couple of the friends she's mentioned to see if they'll come too. I'd also like to ensure that she gets at least one gift on the day — but what? She likes jewellery but would a piece of jewellery from me seem a bit weird? I know that someone gave her a Jo Malone candle for Christmas and she was dismissive and put it in a drawer. That's made me very nervous.

Can anyone think of something lovely, feminine and a bit special that it would be appropriate for a cousin to give? Happy to spend three figures if necessary.

OP posts:
hellcatspangle · 04/08/2021 13:29

I don't think a piece of jewellery from you would be weird, but you'd have to try and pick something that would be to her taste - if she likes silver jewellery you might be able to get something made for her? There are plenty of jewellers online who make things on commission.

If not jewellery how about a lovely handbag if that's her kind of thing?

Shedbuilder · 04/08/2021 13:50

Yes, a handbag would be her kind of thing. I know she likes Radley, she showed me one she'd bought a while back. She's also keen on 'posh' handbag accessories. Thank you. I ran this question past a friend who came round for lunch and she suggested a bracelet but I'm not sure I could predict her taste.

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 04/08/2021 14:10

You sound very kind. What a tough situation your cousin is in.

I find jewellery buying for other people very difficult. It's very hard to get someone else's taste right.

I know it's not very inspirational but flowers and wine (assuming she isn't tea total) are generally liked by most people.

ChippyTea16 · 04/08/2021 15:29

OP you sound lovely! I’m sure she will appreciate the effort you are going to whatever happens.

Does she like make up? You could get her some lovely gift wrapped stuff (you can visit the counter and they can advise) something classic like a nice lipstick/mascara/blusher or something? Charlotte tilbury do lovely gift wrapping!

I also think lovely flowers and champagne or wine for her to celebrate feels nice and special.

A bracelet would also be lovely and if you keep it simple and classic usually you can’t go wrong but maybe provide a gift receipt and make it clear she can change it if she wants? I think if you can get her friends out and go for a nice dinner that would be a lovely birthday for her. If they can’t/don’t want to come, maybe you could try and arrange an afternoon tea with them another time so she has something to look forward to?

Sprig1 · 04/08/2021 15:34

Can you extend your dinner date and make it shopping too so you can give her a budget to choose something herself. If you aren't going to do that on her actual birthday I would send flowers and a token gift (maybe lovely bath bits/chocolates) for the day itself.

Shedbuilder · 04/08/2021 15:52

Thanks for the suggestions. Champagne or even wine is definitely out. She's said to me several times that she never opens a bottle of wine these days because it's just her at home and having a glass on her own feels sad. We're going out for a meal because one of the things she used to enjoy with her husband and her mum was a good meal out every week or two and she's said how much she misses the chance now she's on her own.

I'm absolute rubbish with make-up and I know she's forever ordering stuff, so I don't think that's a direction I'd go down. Sorry.

OP posts:
Shedbuilder · 04/08/2021 15:54

There are complications (including the mother's sick elderly dog that can't be left for long) that prevent us from having a day out together. I'd wondered about a weekend away for a change of scene for her, but it's not going to be possible.

OP posts:
MiaowMiaow99 · 04/08/2021 16:45

How about a cashmere wrap in a neutral colour.
In my dreams of being a grown up I'd like to waft around the house in one.

ablutiions · 04/08/2021 16:57

I like the idea of a cashmere wrap and a teeny bottle of champ that she can open and drink by herself.

It all sounds very lovely and thoughtful.

Shedbuilder · 04/08/2021 16:58

That's a thought. Thank you. She has quite a lot of stuff like that but it feels slightly safer than make-up. Will go and google.

OP posts:
Imgoingbackto505 · 05/08/2021 15:37

Sounds like a nice Radley bag and/or purse could work. It's a really thoughtful gift, and maybe you could buy it from somewhere with a gift receipt that will allow her to swap it if it's not the right colour or whatever?

Nearlyadoctor · 05/08/2021 15:48

Have a look at Fairfax and Favor, they do some lovely bags and purses.

Shedbuilder · 05/08/2021 16:37

Thank you: I did look at Fairfax and Favor but I'm not in a position to spend £300+ on a handbag for someone who I'll also be taking out for a special dinner. That's likely to cost me £120 alone. I've been generous with my time and put thousands of miles on my car supporting her over the last six months. There has to be a limit...

OP posts:
Nearlyadoctor · 05/08/2021 17:20

@Shedbuilder

Thank you: I did look at Fairfax and Favor but I'm not in a position to spend £300+ on a handbag for someone who I'll also be taking out for a special dinner. That's likely to cost me £120 alone. I've been generous with my time and put thousands of miles on my car supporting her over the last six months. There has to be a limit...
It was only a suggestion and the purses start at £50 - I don’t think you need to be quite so abrupt with your response , if you don’t want people to make suggestions that perhaps aren’t suitable don’t ask in the first place.
Shedbuilder · 05/08/2021 21:25

I'm sorry you thought I was abrupt. I'm just reeling at the prices. I'm a reuse, recycle, keep it minimal person and as I made clear in my OP, I don't do expensive luxuries.

OP posts:
HealthKick2021 · 05/08/2021 21:35

What about a pamper session at the local beauticians? Mani, pedi and a massage before she meets you for dinner that evening?

justaweeone · 06/08/2021 07:35

What about a Radley make up bag

https://www.radley.co.uk/essex-road-responsible-medium-zip-top-pouch-aw21-aba4fa/

Shedbuilder · 06/08/2021 10:25

Thanks, all. I'm thinking of a limit of £120 and I've found a couple of Radley handbags that might do for that price. I've been thinking more carefully of all the times I've stayed at her house and her mother's house this year and I think she's probably not only got a lot of small leather goods, scarves, gloves, fancy phone and glasses cases and so on, but that she'll inherit all her mother's stuff: her mum had everything from Smythson.

I'm off for the weekend to an area with a lot of good quality antique shops and if it's wet I may have a look around for a nice piece of silver jewellery for her. If I can find a silver bracelet or necklace then that would at least be a bit different. And I satisfy my reuse, recycle, pass on needs and she gets something a bit different rather than just another handbag which will be used half a dozen times and then stored in the back of a cupboard, with all the other handbags she doesn't use.

OP posts:
justaweeone · 06/08/2021 11:03

What about a silver photo frame?
Would could look for one of those on your weekend away Op

Shedbuilder · 06/08/2021 11:14

That's a great idea! That feels so much better to me than yet another handbag or leather notebook or purse and I think she'd find a use for it too. When I went for the funeral she had photos displayed but not in frames. Thank you.

OP posts:
peaceanddove · 06/08/2021 11:27

DH is 50 this month and I've bought him a beautiful Crosley vintage look turntable + a selection of vinyl singles from the year we met.

Crosley d/also o the turntable in pink or cream velvet - and you could buy your cousin a selection of vinyl from the year she turned 18 maybe?

Shedbuilder · 06/08/2021 13:29

I've never know her listen to music of any kind. It was always Talk Radio on in her home, if there was anything on at all. Thinking about it, I'm not sure she has retro tastes. Her home is very modern.

OP posts:
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