Hi ladies,
I hope you’re all good. I wondered if there is anyone on here dealing with prenatal depression, be that with help or silently.
Yesterday I decided to reach out to Bupa and self refer for some therapy. I am currently 26 weeks pregnant and suffering with Prenatal Depression. It took me a while to acknowledge that this was what I was feeling and also why I was feeling the way that I am & then longer to reach out for help for fear they’d take away my son or think I’m unfit to have another baby.
It also took me a while to realise that to have Prenatal Depression does not mean you have to be suicidal, it doesn’t have to mean you don’t want or love your baby, it doesn’t mean you don’t ever laugh or smile or feel happiness. Depression in pregnancy is different for everyone just as it is outside of pregnancy. For me this is what it means.
Overwhelming guilt - in almost every aspect of my life, not being able to do as much house work due to being in pain all. the. time. and having to rely more on my other half. Feeling guilty about having another baby 9 years after I had my son who has been the front and centre of my world for so long. Among many many other things.
Feeling useless, and over dramatic - This pregnancy has been rough. It has taken it out of me in every way both physically and emotionally. I want this baby- so so much. But I’m first to admit that this pregnancy has been and will likely continue to be, shit. PGP, sciatica, vulvar varacosities making it impossible to do normal activities or do normal fun things with my son (trigger guilt). Having to take time of work, even though I work from home (should be easy right!?) because mentally I can’t handle the stresses, cognitively I can’t concentrate and am making mistakes I wouldn’t normally make and have zero interest or drive to do anything but then stressing that the perception of how I am at work is now tainted by the need to take time out of a working from home role.
Feeling like I’m letting my colleagues, son, partner and unborn child down.
Feeling as though I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Feeling like a failure because people do pregnancy all the time and manage fine and still go to the gym, still go walking with family, still get out of bed in the morning. Meanwhile I can’t even do a job that gives me the ability to work from home on a chair.
Feeling like an attention seeker when I try and explain how I’m feeling, as though people think I just want people to feel sorry for me. Like I’m the person that’s “always got something wrong with her”
It. Is. Rough.
But I am hoping that by talking to a counsellor that can be an impartial person to vent and let it all out to without worrying what other people will think about me, will help.
My whole heart goes out to anyone else feeling this way, or worse.
Lots of love x