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Table manners in 6yo DS

8 replies

Earthandstars · 04/08/2021 09:19

Can anyone offer some advice for DS(6) poor table manners please? Nothing that we try helps and I’m at my wits end. We praise where due but this is rare and it feels like mealtimes is a non-stop ‘don’t do that...’

Table manners are important to us; I realise they aren’t to some people going by other threads I’ve seen so I would like to hear from
those who share the same values please.

He’s always been a very fussy eater and mealtimes, mostly dinner, see his behaviour nosedive. He refuses to use a knife and fork together most of the time (can use a fork or spoon fine), eats with his mouth open despite constant reminders, drops food accidentally all over the table, his clothes, the chair and the floor. It’s like an 18 month old has been eating at his place.

He has started pulling food apart into very small pieces I e. a cookie or bread roll with his hands before eating and creating an almighty mess on himself and the floor. It’s embarrassing and he won’t stop doing it.

Does these bursts of rapid eating and shovelling food into his mouth, and holding a larger piece of food to his mouth and gnawing at it rather than cut it up into smaller pieces.

Eats an ice cream by holding it against his mouth rather than lick and take away from the face. Result is that he is absolutely covered in ice cream around his mouth, chin and cheeks and looks like a 2 year old with an ice cream. Other children have commented and laughed.

In the last week he’s started squirming in his seat and sitting cross-legged and then his feet/shoes are migrating up onto the table. He is told off as soon as we can see what is happening but he keeps doing it.

I’ve told DH we can no longer take him anywhere because it’s so embarrassing that a child of 6 is behaving like this. Yet, he can eat and behave much better if we are not there or watching so it must be attention-seeking, but how can we ignore shoes on the table or stuffing food into his mouth in a rapid fashion or gnawing at a sausage like a dog?

We have talked to him about behaviour at the table and why it’s important (to us), but we might as well talk to a brick wall.

I don’t know what he’s like with school meals but strangely enough his clothes rarely have food on them, unlike at home where he gets them dirty at almost every meal.

OP posts:
TooMuchPaper · 04/08/2021 09:22

Is he anxious about eating in front of you?

SheABitSpicyToday · 04/08/2021 09:25

Mines started being like this! I have no idea why. It’s so Infuriating and drives me mad.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/08/2021 09:31

For starters he wouldn't be getting an ice cream if he is choosing to mess around with it. And he would be picking up everything he drops on the floor.

I wouldn't worry about using both knife and fork together, or picking up food on the fork and gnawing it (annoying as that is). The feet obviously are an attention seeking strategy.

I wonder if mealtimes in your house have become a battleground and perfect opportunity to act out because you have such high expectations, and attach so much importance to table manners?

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illuyankas · 04/08/2021 09:47

Sounds like too much micro managing? More you concentrate on telling what he is doing wrong, more he does it?
If he can do well out side home, maybe ignore what he does unless absolutely necessary, like shoes on the table?
I do tell my dc off for bad table manners but I really don't get worked up about how my dc eats ice cream.

PostMenWithACat · 04/08/2021 09:50

Mealtimes have become a battleground. Stop fussing and berating and just set an example. If food is uneaten after 10 minutes - let him.leave the table and do something else.

SchrodingersMat · 04/08/2021 09:54

The attention seeking is obviously working for him because it gets a rise out of you, so you need to change your approach. Does he have any issues with motor control that would make cutlery etc more difficult?

As pp above said, ignore him and remove the treats for bad behaviour and lots of praise and earning back treats for the behaviour you want. You are supposed to break your bread roll into bits so at least he’s getting that right Grin

Also, he’s only little and it’s not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. Kids don’t need to go to restaurants, even if you want them to. It will come with time if you handle it well. Is there any other reason why he might be attention seeking? Maybe he needs more one on one time or encouragement in other areas.

Kanaloa · 04/08/2021 10:05

Well he isn’t doing it at school so he can choose not to do it. This would drive me crazy a 6 year old eating like this, I would remove sweets like ice cream/cookies if he was getting them all over himself/ripping them up.

I wouldn’t worry about the knife and fork as long as he was eating neatly and reasonably. Maybe you could start a sticker chart for eating sensibly, and chat to him throughout meals in case he is doing this to try and get attention.

Kanaloa · 04/08/2021 10:06

And I wouldn’t let him sit cross legged, not sure how he is getting from cross legged to shoes on the table.

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