Hi, I've named changed for this.
Not sure if here is OK to post but just feel I need to get it out or I'm going to just break down.
I will try and be quick as I don't want to bore you all with a huge post.
I have 2 gorgeous DS's, just turned 3 the other week and 6months. It's been very hard since DS1 was born. He wasn't an easy baby but he has grown into such a lovely little boy and although has some major tantrums he's good company (very bright for his age and his speech is wonderful and he has a great sense of humour).
Have gone through a very challenging time with DS2. Horrendous pregnancy in the last few weeks, ending in a section as he just kept turning from breech to transverse then engaging then right back to breech. I was in agony (he wasn't a small baby). During the section they managed to turn him head down to get him out but he spun back round to breech (drs did say he was so lucky not to have the cord wrapped around his neck).
He was then sent to SCBU for a few days as he didn't feed at all (didn't latch on breast or on bottle). He had hypoglycaemia? And just kept screaming when feeding so he was tube fed. I was that distressed ended up having a sedative to help me sleep. Felt like such a failure as a mother but one midwife was absolutely fabulous and help me through as I wasn't allowed any visitors due to covid. Yet on day 2 after section one midwife told me to walk to the SCBU unit to get moving. I managed to get there ok to see LO and spent most of the day with him. Hadn't realised the time and they came to find me so I could have something to eat. I'd not had any painkillers (my own fault for not remembering) but the same midwife that made me walk there came to 'help' me back. I was in agony and only managed to get a few feet before one of the SCBU staff members got me a wheelchair and pulled the midwife to one side and had a go at her. Needless to say I didn't see that midwife after but my wound had come open as I'd pushed myself a bit too much.
When we finally came home my DH and family were great support but DS2 would just scream, he lost loads of weight and we are now sort of coming through it.
He's milk intolerant, he has been on omeprazol since 8weeks old due to GERD, he has hearing loss (waiting to see if he needs hearing aids, but he can definitely hear close up so that's good), he still rubbish at drink his formula (lactose free) but he's taken to weaning and proper food amazingly and seems to enjoy it. And despite all this he is the happiest little baby ever inbetween the fighting of bottles and fighting sleep.
At the moment though it just seems to be a constant thing that one of them is crying or whining. I don't really feel like anybody understands how hard it is with them at the moment. My DH had them the other day as I did a KIT DAY at work. All he kept doing was asking when I'd be home it was stressful. I said (jokingly) well now you know what I have been putting up with for the past 6 months on my own. He turned around and said well it can't be bad all the time, you haven't complained. I told him I dont complain because he is at work and he told me to stop asking him to come home early to help (I phoned him a couple of times when it was very difficult and he told me he couldn't come home and his boss said that I would do his head in, which upset me).
My mum (doesn't work and has told me to ring if I need help, which I very rarely do) will huff and puff if I ask her to take them for a couple of hours so I can do some housework. So I've stopped asking. But then she critises my house and that its messy and I need to keep it clean, I am trying.
After going to one my works shops (it's a big company) one of the collegues asked which branch I worked at. I told her and said but I'm on maternity leave at the moment. She said well I guess it's best not to be working when pregnant. 
I had my 3 year old and 6 month old with me. I did try and laugh it off and say well arrived 6 months ago, and pointed to DS2. It did upset me and I know she probably just didn't think what she was saying but I just feel really contious that my body in worse shape than I thought. (I'm having physio and have exercises to do to get my stomach muscles back where they should be).
It's just made me think of the past 6 months and I'm so sad and don't feel I can talk to anyone.
I just feel stupid for feeling this way as I know so may parents have it worse than me. Please tell me if I just need to pull myself together, I just don't feel like I'm coping as well as I should be.
Has anybody got any advice that will make things easier? I go back to work soon and just want to feel like i can go without worrying about my LOs.
Sorry for the long post, just needed to say it somewhere to someone.