10 year old wont go out

[tatkin]

This is a frustrating issue but sure some can give suggestions.

Two daughters, 9/10 and 12/13. The elder one has found the secondary school structure more helpful and has carved out her own interests. The younger still at primary (provision was lame really) and who hasn't found her 'things' yet.

She will now only agree to go out (either with one of us or as a group) if one of her friends will be there. Obviously sometimes we have taken her out without arranging for this and we are always having her friends over, but it's always an epic battle. She annoyingly agrees and then when it comes to doing it, she backs out. (control? unable to express?) 

I work super-intense shifts from home and DH is part-time nights and I really resent the feeling of being imprisoned. Sure I can 'make' her but that isn't something I want to do all the time.

Today she said she felt embarassed to be on her own with us (sure, normal kid stuff maybe) but to the point that we are 

I think the lockdown and weird schooling (loads of bubble burstings) and the fact we live a little away from the school and her friends made this happen. 

Any advice?

I'd just make her come with you tbh.

Invite a friend when possible. Do fun stuff. But sometimes she just needs to suck it up and get on with it.

My ten year old is an only and often doesn’t want to come out. We kind of have a compromise- I know she doesn’t like going out in the morning so I usually let her have a lie in and we go out late morning or afternoon. And I let her have days at home as well. Wherever possible during the hols we’ll meet up with friends.

Thanks, i did acthally make her go out just now. I think she’s struggled a bit during the various lockdowns and feels everything is “unexciting”

@tatkin I think you’re right re the lockdowns. It’s certainly demotivated mine to go out. Not helped by my OH feeling lethargic all the time so not wanting to go out as much as we did pre-pandemic.

I think maybe chat to her about stuff you also find unexciting like laundry, cooking, shopping, that sort of thing. That way she can start to understand that life isn't a never ending roller-coaster of fun and that adults too find parts of life dull.

However, I would force her to go out and stomp out the whole I am embarrassed to be seen with you shit. You are not in this world in increase or decrease her street cred.

What do you mean by going out with you? Out to do things like bowling and cinema or out to do chores?

I’ve got a 10 year old DD and have the opposite problem in that she’s sort of lost interest in her friends, not bothered about seeing them in the holidays etc. She’s happy to go out to do fun stuff with me and DH. If I’m popping to shops or something, I’ll leave her at home.

I wondered where you take her when you go out. Do you mean going to the shops or something else? I don't remember particularly wanting to go out with my parents at that age, certainly not walking round shops.