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Have you ever felt suffocated by someone? Can you help?

2 replies

Funchs · 03/08/2021 10:59

I think I do this. I think I can be overbearing. Early in my relationship I would empty and load the dishwater and put a wash on when DP was in work and I was working from home. I would leave food for him sometimes. I would put flowers in the hallway. I would make the bed immaculately, leave notes or a bottle of his favourite beer in the fridge etc etc. I would arrange trips and send him plans of where to go. I guess part of this was I didn’t have many money worries so buying the odd thing or booking a trip wasn’t a big deal financially. But I know all of what I did was rooted in the idea of ‘please like me back.‘ Blush

After a while I got the sense that the appreciation for what I was doing was not really there (understandable if someone is doing this all the time!).

It’s in my nature to want to do things for others and I sense I do this too much so it actually becomes overbearing. I still WANT to do all these things but I hold back as much as I can. It goes against what I feel and want to do.

Just wondering if you’re on the other side of this, how it makes you feel? Would this be too much for you?

OP posts:
MistySkiesAfterRain · 03/08/2021 11:47

For me it would be obvious that they were doing it partly to win approval.

How one then responds to that is very individual but if one is decent then surely it would be reciprocated in other ways.

But on the other hand to play devils advocate its a high standard to meet and can create arguments, guilt and withdrawal.

Just one persons thoughts though! No idea why I've used the Royal 'one'!

In my opinion a balance is good, not to get too carried away early on, especially don't give more than you are comfortable with and if you are doing more be really honest about your motives- is it genuinely to help, is it your particular standard?

You'll probably find it quite refreshing to realise you don't have to work as hard!

RainbowChameleon · 03/08/2021 13:18

I would be very uncomfortable with everything you've described and it would push me away.

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