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bullying in primary school

11 replies

ironincookincleanin · 03/08/2021 06:16

I would like some fresh perspectives on this. Some of the details are changed to avoid being recognised.

We live in Germany, in a small town where we have been the only English family for years. This last year, 3 English families moved to the area with older children, but all with one child the same as my eldest child. The parents made friends with each other, and made a point of ignoring me in the playground, and my dc said she was being ignored by the English children too.

At first it was embarrasing because there was no reason for it, it isn't the sort of thing that I have experienced in the past, and because people here are generally extremely polite and courteous, saying hello to everyone even if they are not good friends.

My dc and I ignored it and got on with our normal lives, my dc played with her friends and I chatted to the people I normally chatted to.

However, through the year, the English children have made a point of ganging up on dc whenever they could, making rude remarks whenever they saw her, making threats about violence on one occasion when my dc stood up for herself. The English children didn't get on with the local children at first but through the year that has improved and the English children have learned some of the language, and I thought that things would settle down as they felt more settled, but in the last few days of term they were just vile to dc, harassing her, asking her mocking questions, calling her names. She said she had no idea what to say to them, and that it was made worse because no one around her could understand what they were saying and so were just playing as usual. It was the same thing with the teachers, she tried to explain to them but they couldn't understand the words and didn't seem to get it. She said she was trying to just ignore, but it was difficult as it happens every time she walks past the English children, or says anything near them.

There is something which dc used to get teased about sometimes, it is a neurological thing, but because she has known the children for a long time she doesn't get teased about it often any more, she is sometimes quite popular, sometimes more introverted. But the English children have picked up on the thing she used to get teased about and in the last week taken it to a new level and this has really upset dc, especially as no one understands what is being said but her. She said if anyone else understood they would step in, as that is what normally happens when anyone is picked on.

The English children have been well looked after by the school, the school has paid for extra tuition to help them learn the local language and to catch up.

Because the worst of this happened right at the end of the year I didn't get a chance to talk to the teacher, and we are now waiting for the start of next year, but dc is now stressed about going back.

My dc thinks that the English families think that we think we are better than them, because of the some of the questions she is asked. If that is right it is not the case, we had settled lives before they came, that was all.

I really don't understand why they are being like this, the parents or the children. If it were just one English family doing this I'd assume they had other issues, but there are three families all ganged up and so this is making me think, is it us, am I missing some obvious thing?

Thanks for reading, it was quite therapeutic to get it down!

OP posts:
VashtaNerada · 03/08/2021 06:23

This all sounds very odd and I have no idea what the adults are thinking in this situation, but as for the children are you able to write down exactly what has been said (with a translation) to give to the school before the start of term? That way they can look out for it and understand the level of the bullying that’s been going on.

cultkid · 03/08/2021 06:32

Bbq, all around and talk to them

Are they relatives

It can be cliquey when you are an expat

MayorGundersonsDogRufus · 03/08/2021 06:38

Yes, you must talk to the school. There should be a way of contacting them over the summer even if you have to wait for the first week of term for a meeting. It can be tricky wading into things directly with the other parents, particularly if they are already being unkind.

I'm so sorry your DD is experiencing this. Bullying is just the worst.

Cattitudes · 03/08/2021 06:42

Now that they have a little more German could the school say that they need to always speak German in the playground. I think that you need to discuss with the school what is being said and what it means.

ironincookincleanin · 03/08/2021 07:40

Thank you all. I was in two minds about whether to contact the school during the holiday.

Cattitudes that is a good idea

Cultkid what did bbq in your post mean? Not barbeque?!

OP posts:
Tiddleztheelephant · 03/08/2021 08:05

@cultkid

Bbq, all around and talk to them

Are they relatives

It can be cliquey when you are an expat

Have you read the op's post? What sort of message would that give to her child? "These children are vile to you at school so we're going to have a party to try to appease them" Confused

Op this is bullying and it doesn't matter what language it's in, the school has a duty to act.
Write down some of the things that are being said then go to the school as soon as they're back and ask for a plan of action from them.

Saidtoomuch · 03/08/2021 08:12

Yeah, I wouldn't be inviting rude families and bullying children to a bbq. I understand the lets all be friends, and if they know us they'll like us philosophy, but it could seriously backfire.
Its a shame this couldn't have been dealt with before the break up, as your dd will be worrying about it over the holdiays, but email school so its in the inboxes for when teacher go back for their prep day. Ask for a meeting with the teacher and nip in the bud.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 03/08/2021 08:13

A BBQ? That's a ridiculous suggestionConfused

OP speak to the school,can you email them with the info and then follow up with a meeting? It sounds awful,I hope the school are supportive.

Thisisthewaywego · 03/08/2021 08:20

Definitely speak to the school and provide a translation of what was said, when, and where etc. They have a duty to stop bullying.

Did these three families all know each other before they moved to your town? I wonder if there is an element of jealousy from the parents that is filtering through to their DC that you are also an English family who is fully immersed into life in Germany and speak the language fluently (I assume), whereas perhaps they are finding it tough? Still absolutely no excuse but bullying usually continues because of parents endorsing it.

cultkid · 03/08/2021 13:36

I would invite them over in a passive aggressive way the parents that is

So sorry to hear this

Summer7 · 03/08/2021 15:08

So sorry to read that you and your daughter are going through this especially in primary school. This behaviour is unacceptable and children and families should be held accountable! Contact the school via email and let them know that your child is being bullied by a gang of children, request a meeting with the headteacher. At the meeting let him/her know that it stops here, as you dont want to send your child to school into an environment where she does not feel safe! Discuss with headteacher how you want the children monitored discreetly by the teachers as they have a duty of care to keep your child safe from this behaviour in school from when they have been made aware of the situation. Also, if it continues what action they intend to use to put a stop to your child being bullied. It should be three strikes and your out: first, any child who participates in this behaviour 30 minutes detention after school for a week and phone call to parents. Second, parents and child brought into school to be put straight on how this behaviour will not be tolerated by the school. Thirdly, suspend all involved. Schools should send out a clear message to all children and parents - Zero tolerance to bulling!!

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