3 year old hates 1 year old

Liv0309 · 2021-08-02T20:38:26+00:00

Hate is a strong word as my 3 years old daughter does love her brother but she hates playing with him, she is always screaming at him, hitting him, pushing, biting. Wont let him play with any toys to the point she drags as many things as she can with her to the toilet, bed etc.. i just cant get through to her. I have noticed She loves playing with other kids, always so good with them but when it comes to her brother, all i put up with all day ling is crying and screaming because they dont get along at all… Any tips?

Thehazelnut · 02/08/2021 21:50

I guess I would try explain in very simple terms
*getting screamed at is not very nice for her/anyone
*getting hit is not very nice for her/anyone
*getting pushed is not very nice for her/anyone
*getting bitten by her is not very nice for her/anyone
If it happens to her then she might be able to understand why it isn’t nice to do this to anyone else. She is three years old, take time to listen to her, take care

Lemonnhoney · 02/08/2021 21:52

It sounds miserable, I’m sorry you have to deal with it :(

Could be jealousy.. Is there any way you can spend some 1 on 1 time with her? Do you spend much time just with her?

Obviously it’s difficult to find that time! Maybe even settle with letting her staying up after her brothers gone to bed to watch a film with you?

I probably wouldn’t push her to play with him right now and try set up things for younger DC to do.. maybe she would be more interested in getting involved in something they are doing.. a messy play type of activity..

QforCucumber · 02/08/2021 21:58

Does she have a 'safe space to play where he can't get at her toys? Since having a baby we've found older ds plays on the dining table/in his room a lot more as he hates his brother breaking the things he builds

Original poster

Liv0309 · 02/08/2021 22:04

Forgot to mention, they are really good when separate. Playing by themselves nicely without crying.. they are siblings i need them to get on a little bit instead of battling 24/7

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Original poster

Liv0309 · 02/08/2021 22:11

I try to spend time 1 on 1 with her but its like she made it her mission to not let him play with anything. She will literally go out of her way to make him miserable 😭 i actually love having alone time with her shes my bestie

Its impossible to separate them as my partner is never really home, im alone with them and she gets so jealous and wants me next to her all the time.. my 15 month old is very active and i have to mind him when hes running about getting up on the furniture etc. It feels like theres no solution to this

It makes me sad, i thought she would love some company as i mention she lives playing with ( other ) kids.. but i cant force her to like to spend time with her brother

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Original poster

Liv0309 · 02/08/2021 22:15

@Thehazelnut

I guess I would try explain in very simple terms *getting screamed at is not very nice for her/anyone *getting hit is not very nice for her/anyone *getting pushed is not very nice for her/anyone *getting bitten by her is not very nice for her/anyone If it happens to her then she might be able to understand why it isn’t nice to do this to anyone else. She is three years old, take time to listen to her, take care

Thanks, i do say something like this all the time, every day so many times a day 😰 doesn't seem to work and she brags?? About hitting him, he will sit crying and i will ask ‘ do you know what happened to your brother? Why is he crying?’ She will go ‘ i hit him on the head’

But there are times when she will go hug him if he hurt himself, she runs through to the room to say good morning when she hears he woke up.. so i dont really know what the issue is, she has always ( and still is) been a mummys girl so maybe its bad jealousy, but how do i sort this out.. im feeling really down about all this today.. im their mum and cant seem to get control over this

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Undersnatch · 02/08/2021 22:25

Mine were like this! DD1 seemed to hate her so much that whenever she spoke to/about her sister, she literally did it through gritted teeth!! She felt furiously jealous for a while and we kind of just had to ride it out. Spent time helping her understand the feelings, naming eg ‘looks like you’re feeling jealous when I’m cuddling DS, it’s really hard having to share your mum isn’t it’ kinda thing. But firm boundaries around ‘I won’t let you hurt him’ though.

I couldn’t say when it happened- but my girls adore each other now at 5 and nearly 3. In fact the 5yr old put wee one to bed tonight! Reading her story, did her teeth, when it’s going well they are wee buddies and it’s adorable. They still have their moments of course.

A sibling is a rocket in their world and at 3 they have barely any empathy. Just lots of love and patience and make sure someone is offering you the same as it’s fecking testing!!

Original poster

Liv0309 · 02/08/2021 22:55

@Undersnatch

Mine were like this! DD1 seemed to hate her so much that whenever she spoke to/about her sister, she literally did it through gritted teeth!! She felt furiously jealous for a while and we kind of just had to ride it out. Spent time helping her understand the feelings, naming eg ‘looks like you’re feeling jealous when I’m cuddling DS, it’s really hard having to share your mum isn’t it’ kinda thing. But firm boundaries around ‘I won’t let you hurt him’ though.

I couldn’t say when it happened- but my girls adore each other now at 5 and nearly 3. In fact the 5yr old put wee one to bed tonight! Reading her story, did her teeth, when it’s going well they are wee buddies and it’s adorable. They still have their moments of course.

A sibling is a rocket in their world and at 3 they have barely any empathy. Just lots of love and patience and make sure someone is offering you the same as it’s fecking testing!!

Thank you for this i needed to read this. I hope it gets better as its breaking my heart when she says ‘ i want a baby sister no baby brother ‘ as you said.. they are so young.. so much jealousy.. its just soo hard and the days seem to drag and i dont know how to cope with this situation besides explaining to her and acknowledging her feelings ( this doesn't seem to help the situation)

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Undersnatch · 02/08/2021 23:11

I think don’t underestimate that what you are doing explaining things and trying to remind yourself ‘she’s just young’ etc - you are helping the situation. It’s just a longer game and will take time to see changes. In meantime whatever support you can get in this long days - any chances of breaks or time off?

Original poster

Liv0309 · 03/08/2021 10:21

@Undersnatch

I think don’t underestimate that what you are doing explaining things and trying to remind yourself ‘she’s just young’ etc - you are helping the situation. It’s just a longer game and will take time to see changes. In meantime whatever support you can get in this long days - any chances of breaks or time off?

Unfortunately no breaks for me but dd is starting nursery soon so that leave me with ds for a few hrs a day

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Greenmarmalade · 03/08/2021 10:27

I think this is pretty normal. Try not to worry too much- this is probably the first time her sibling has started to encroach upon her things, how she wants to play, etc. In my experience, siblings will usually (always) argue and bicker. It’s meant to be beneficial for their development, if that makes you feel any better! It’s just incredibly annoying for the parents. When they’re older you can leave them to sort it out between themselves. My twins used to bicker a lot.

You could try highlighting the positives a lot. So every time she’s doing something right, mention it aloud and with a positive tone. Notice all the small things. You could also give a sticker:

“Lovely- look, you’re sharing your toys, that’s so kind.”
“You’re sitting together and playing nicely, that’s great.”

3 year old hates 1 year old

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