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Original poster

Found out colleague has been bitching about me

13 replies

LineofFruity · 02/08/2021 18:11

I’ve found out that a colleague, senior manager at the same level as me, has been bitching about me to junior staff. Fairly relentlessly (because I called her up on something).

She is very close friends with the owner of the company and the HR manager.

It’s a horrible feeling and I’ve noticed people avoiding me (she is very popular - a proper queen bee type whereas I’m quite quiet and keep myself to myself).

It’s made me so miserable and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m not very good at being in this situation as I let nasty comments eat away at me.

I am hoping to leave but will have to work closely with this person throughout my notice.

OP posts:
Ludo19 · 02/08/2021 19:29

She won't be as popular as what you think, some will just be glad she's not picking on them.

Rise above it, look for another job and don't give her any satisfaction in seeing that her childish catty behaviour is winning. She's an insecure bully.

Original poster
LineofFruity · 02/08/2021 20:04

I really feel like shit though. I thought stuff like this was school playground. Everyone seems to hang on her every word and suddenly I’m her every word!

OP posts:
DogsSausages · 02/08/2021 20:10

If you're a senior manager too then you should call her out, arrange a meeting with her and ask her if it is true she has been criticising you to other staff. She will be shocked that someone has gone behind her back and told you but dont tell her how you found out. Tell her that you hope it isn't true because it's very unprofessional and unkind and if there are any issues then she can discuss them with you face to face. Meanwhile look for another job, bullies and queen bees are awful to work with.

iwanttobeonleave · 02/08/2021 20:14

A similar thing happened to me recently. I overheard a conversation between some junior staff and a new joiner. They had a proper moan about me.

It upset me for days (I'm still sad about it tbh) but I figured that everyone is entitled to have their opinions and I have no control over what other people think.

I decided to stay quiet and move on.

iwanttobeonleave · 02/08/2021 20:15

@LineofFruity

I really feel like shit though. I thought stuff like this was school playground. Everyone seems to hang on her every word and suddenly I’m her every word!
Poor you. Hopefully she'll get bored and move on to something or someone else soon.
Original poster
LineofFruity · 02/08/2021 20:22

@DogsSausages

If you're a senior manager too then you should call her out, arrange a meeting with her and ask her if it is true she has been criticising you to other staff. She will be shocked that someone has gone behind her back and told you but dont tell her how you found out. Tell her that you hope it isn't true because it's very unprofessional and unkind and if there are any issues then she can discuss them with you face to face. Meanwhile look for another job, bullies and queen bees are awful to work with.
Yes we are both senior but I know if I do this then it will make the situation worse. I used to love my job, I’ve been there a long time but the atmosphere did change when she joined a few years ago (mid 2019). She is always doing people favours or buying them coffee, leaving sweets on their desks, calls everyone “my lovely” and is very outgoing and gregarious. I’m just very introverted and quiet, but good at what I do and obviously called her out on some bad work, which I didn’t involve anyone senior to us in initially, until I had to flag a mistake was being made as she was refusing to act on it. I’m now very much her target.
OP posts:
lannistunut · 02/08/2021 20:26

@LineofFruity

I really feel like shit though. I thought stuff like this was school playground. Everyone seems to hang on her every word and suddenly I’m her every word!
Work is just people, adullts are just as nasty as kids.

Let it go, find a better place to work.

TSSDNCOP · 02/08/2021 20:27

I assume the thing you pulled her up on was dealt with privately?

This is bullying behaviour. Do you think you could arrange a meeting with her on which you clearly and calmly state (and you'll need a big deep breath):

I understand that you have taken issue with me, I know this because several junior people have told me and I am aware of what seems to be a whispering campaign. I must make it clear that I find this is creating an unpleasant working environment for me. May i ask that, in order to present a professional front you discuss now what issues you have, I will note them, and we will try to work them out.

Then sit back and wait for her to do the work.

Have an email semi drafted so you only have to add in a few measured, unemotive bullets on what you agree (in your words because it's you taking charge) end it with a thank you and fire it off cc to HR in the few minutes after you exit.

It's not going to be nice, but the alternative is to suck it up and leave. This way you regain control.

HotSauceCommittee · 02/08/2021 20:31

Somebody senior said something negative about my new manager to me, before I had even started working for her. He had come to wish me well and said, "good luck working for xxx".
I replied, "thanks" and nothing more. I came away thinking that it said for more about him than it did her. There will be a few people in your workplace who feel like that. Don't despair. You sound nice.

DogsSausages · 02/08/2021 20:43

She sounds very insecure if she has to win people over by buying them coffee and sweeties, she is trying to be popular but I bet you anything several people think she is a complete time wasting twat. If she talks about you to them then she will also talk about them behind their backs, these sorts of people always do. They think they are invincible but eventually they get bored and pick another target, one will fight back then they back off, strop about blah blah and end up leaving blaming everyone else. If you enjoy your job and have been there a while then you shouldnt feel pushed out, it's not in the care sector is it, some of them can be dreadful
.

DogsSausages · 02/08/2021 20:46

Have you asked the person who told you why they told you.

GoWalkabout · 02/08/2021 21:19

Head up, its her not you. Use it as an opportunity to learn how to deal. If you can, speak to her to deal with it directly. Otherwise be relentlessly professional and positive towards her to her face and to others, unless there is a work related problem. Do not let her dominate you. You are just doing a job. She is not the queen (and stuff it I am a republican anyway...)

arcof · 02/08/2021 21:27

Does your company have a no retaliation policy? Sadly if it's a small company and very cliquey you either have to learn to live with it or leave. I'm sorry, I've been there. And no amount of good work or being nice on your part is going to turn this around if she's got it in for you and has leadership in her pocket.

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