My df died about 2 years ago after a very short illness. My parents had been married 50 years mostly very happily and were one of those couples who were best friends. Most of their friends were either my dads or couples.
My only sibling passed away a few years before so my mum only has me and dh and my kids. She lives 30 mins away in a fairly big house with a big garden which she loves.
She is 75 this year. Very active, good health. She has connected with an ex colleague who is also by herself and they meet up a few times a week. She sees us once a week without fail. She sees my aunt (her sil) who lives a distance away every month or so and they holiday/do trips together. Plus she speaks to her brother a few times a week. She joins classes, is friendly with neighbours and sees the friends she had with my dad occasionally too.
She is bone crushingly lonely though and is dropping increasingly heavy hints about us all moving in together. Whilst I am not against this in the future when she needs more care, not now. I have a 'big' job and 2 pre teen kids plus a dh. I work 50 hour plus days. I am perimenopausal. I want some time to myself, to do stuff with my husband. My kids are of an age where they are starting to go out independently with friends. They love their gran but they are not little kids anymore and they get bored going to museums or national trust properties (like my brother and I did at their age which I've pointed out to her but she has rose tinted glasses on).
My dh is patient and gets on fine with her but he would like to do stuff without her sometimes. She does dither bless her which winds him up and she is also quite dogmatic. He is a bit snappy and frustrated with her and I do have to referee. She wants us to go places and do things he doesn't want to - some of which I want to do too.
I do love her very much and I hate the idea of her being lonely but it feels like I have to sacrifice my life and my family's to spend time with her. She saw her cousin last week and was full of stories about how his son and grandkids see them multiple times a week. Great, they live 10 mins walk away and my cousin has a very different type of job than me.
I just feel really torn. I feel pretty stressed and spread thin as it is but I've been in tears on and off since yesterday when she told me she wasn't bothered if COVID got her (bit dramatic but still).